


Freezing Fire, Burning Ice

by ygstan_ahgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Blowjobs, Divorce, Domestic!AU, Falling Out of Love, Hyperventilation, Jinwoo is also here but he is younger than everyone else, M/M, Marriage, Maybe a college student, Mentions of extreme sadness, Minor violence at chap 3, Rimming, Smut, graphic smut, heartbreaks, idk what else to tag, lovemaking, very mild though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-07-04 07:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 73,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15836157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ygstan_ahgase/pseuds/ygstan_ahgase
Summary: Jaebeom, realizing that his feelings for his husband, Mark Tuan, hasn't been the same since they got married, chose to end their six-year-marriage by filing for a divorce.





	1. 01.

**Author's Note:**

> I am crazy to think that this is a good idea to write but… I’m here and I am writing this so… let’s see... ahahha
> 
> This is inspired by one of the stories that a Markbum mutual had shared with me a few days ago and this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvssarfLTDo/). If you watch that video, it’s pretty much similar, but ofc, this is different since this involves Markbum, and… more angsty I guess haha
> 
> There is not much warning aside from this being a looooooooong one shot—and this has come out less angsty than I expected and I don’t know if it’s a good sign tbh
> 
> Just one critical thing that I want to clarify as well before you all start reading:
> 
>  
> 
> _I have no idea how divorce works in Korea or anywhere, so the rules/guidelines written here are based on my own ideas only, please don't consider it true. Let's all pretend it is just at this story._
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you and enjoy!!!

~*~

 

 

“Let’s have a divorce, Mark.”

 

Jaebeom and Mark are sitting across each other in their dining table, both men about to finish their meals when Jaebeom uttered those five words that he had been wanting to tell his _husband_ for quite some time now.

 

Jaebeom didn’t fail to notice that his husband has gone stiff, his hand holding the spoon stopping before he can put it inside his mouth and swallow the contents, raising his head to stare at him with his wide, doe eyes.

 

“W-what?”

 

Jaebeom heaves out a sigh, a deep one, and he didn’t see the shiver that run through Mark’s spine at his reaction.

 

“I—I can’t do this anymore.  I know and you know that… This is not the same anymore…”  He runs his fingers over his overgrown hair, still slightly wet because of his shower.  The older slowly drops the spoon he’s holding before placing both of his hands on his lap, fidgeting with his loose sweater and staring at his fingers as if they’re the most interesting thing in the world.

 

“It’s been 10 years, Mark.  But you know that for the last two years, we’re not the same… We… I…”  Jaebeom chokes, he can’t believe that he will say these words out loud to the person that he had promised to love with all his heart until his last breath.

 

_Promises are always meant to be broken, after all._

“I don’t feel that way about you anymore…”  Jaebeom finally looks up to his husband and he is welcomed by Mark’s rather shocked, but understanding eyes.  He hears the older letting out a shaky sigh, his hands still on his lap, but what he doesn’t know is that the older is already digging his nails against his clothed thighs, trying to keep it together and not breakdown in front of his husband.

 

“I’m sorry… Mark…”  Jaebeom lets out a breath again before staring at Mark’s glassy eyes.  “This is for the best—”

 

“Is there… is there someone else?”  Mark asked him all of a sudden and Jaebeom thought about it thoroughly and decided to be honest.

 

“No.  This doesn’t have to do with me having another guy or girl, Mark.  It’s… It’s me.  This is all me… It’s my fault, it’s not even you…”  Jaebeom bites his lip before rubbing his forehead. 

 

“You don’t have to lie to me, Jaebeom—”

 

“I… fell out, Mark…”  Jaebeom mutters, looking away from Mark so that he won’t see the hurt in his husband’s eyes.  He didn’t see how Mark’s façade almost faltered right in front of him, he didn’t see the way Mark’s fingers are now gripping his pants until his knuckles turn pale white.

 

“I’m sorry...”  He decided to look at Mark, whose head is still docked.  “You don’t deserve… me.”  Jaebeom reached for Mark’s hand when his husband finally placed one of them on top of the table, the older allowed him to hold his hand, which would never fail to provide him warmth and energy whenever he needed it, but, right now, it seems like the flame was doused by cold water that he feels like he’s just holding a stranger’s hand.

 

“I want this to end because… I don’t want to continue lying to you… You know I don’t hate you, Mark… I can never...”  He tightens his hold around the elder’s hand and Mark finally meets his gaze.  “You don’t need to decide now, you can surely think about it.”

 

“I… I understand…”  Mark sighs before staring at their intertwined fingers, the gold bands on their ring fingers gleaming against artificial light in the dining room.

 

“Okay…”  Mark pulls his hand away before looking at his husband, “If that’s… what you wanted… I can’t force you to stay if you don’t want… want me anymore…”  Mark needed to close his eyes for a few seconds before looking up to Jaebeom again.

 

“I’m sorry… Mark…”

 

“You don’t have to…”  Mark cleared his throat before standing up—willing his wobbly legs and arms to move so that he won’t fall on the floor face first.  “I will take care of this, Jaebeom, you better rest now.”  The older began to clear the table, bringing both of his and his husbands dirty plates, utensils, and glasses to the sink, his hands shaking as he drops them carefully to avoid breaking them.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to think about it?”

 

“Will your decision change if I say no?”  Mark asks bitterly, and Jaebeom stared at his husband’s back, his head dropped and hands clutching on the sides of the sink, feeling guilty all of sudden that he wishes he had taken those words back.  He knows for certain that he won’t change his decision no matter what Mark says.

 

“I’m sorry…”  Jaebeom just says once again, and he hears Mark turning the faucet on.

 

“When are we meeting with the lawyer?”  He asks in his neutral tone and Jaebeom tried not to think about it too much.

 

“I made an appointment for Tuesday after work.  Youngjae will be here to talk to us about the details.”

 

“Okay then.”  Mark muttered as he began washing the dishes, his husband walking out of the dining room with a soft “Good night” and “I’m sorry”, leaving Mark to his own thoughts.

 

They never spoke to each other again that night until they both fell asleep beside each other, but the distance between them seemed to have widened for a thousand more miles, the comfort that they usually share totally gone and shattered by the conversation they had a few hours ago.

 

~*~

 

_Falling out of love._

 

When Jaebeom had heard stories from people about long-term couples eventually separating or divorcing because of this reason, he wanted to curse and laugh at them.  How can you possibly fall out of love with someone whom you had promised to love and take care of forever?  He doesn’t get it, at all, because whenever he thinks about his husband, he can only see their future growing old together, their future children and grandchildren with them.  He cannot imagine falling out of love with Mark, the boy who made him whole, who gave him purpose and will to move on, the only person who understood him when it seemed like the world and universe was against him.

 

He had promised Mark when they shared their marriage vows that he will always be with him, and he won’t allow Mark to go anywhere without him, he vowed to dedicate his life to make him the happiest man on earth.

 

After 10 years of being together and 6 years of being married to each other, Jaebeom never thought that he would chew and swallow all of his words.

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom cannot pinpoint as to how it all started.  He just sort of _felt it_ , the spark, the passion... the love...it’s almost as if it was never there in the first place.  From his intelligent guess, this all started about two years ago, more or less.  That’s when they started to become less and less affectionate towards each other.  He would still insist to share the same bed—would share hugs and kisses here and there, but even those had slowly and gradually decreased, until they barely even talk when they’re at home and doesn’t even touch each other at all when they go to bed, the gap between their bodies can fit another person in between.

 

For the last 6 years that they were married, they never really had a huge argument.  The closest to being called an argument was when they’re trying to figure out which pet to get.  Jaebeom has Nora since college and Mark wanted a dog so that they’ll have both pets that they want.  Jaebeom insisted that he has allergy to dog fur, which Mark quickly countered that they can always get a hypoallergenic dog.  Jaebeom threw a tantrum saying that he wanted another cat, maybe two, and the older, obviously, didn’t back down, he walked out of the house to try and get some fresh air, he just walked and walked, until he finally reaches the pet store, wondering if the white Maltese he had seen the other day is still there and if she is still available for sale.

 

Mark was just about to enter the store but he was surprised when he saw Jaebeom exiting, the Maltese that he has in mind was in his husband’s arm, looking so cute and small in a blue blanket, while Jaebeom’s other arm was carrying a bag which he assumed contains the dog’s vitamins and other stuff.

 

Jaebeom immediately smiled upon seeing his husband’s delighted face as he hands the dog over, his husband cooing at how cute and beautiful it is.

 

“She is hypoallergenic…”

 

“I know.”  Mark says, his smile all teeth.

 

“How’d you know?”  Jaebeom guides the two of them at the side so that they won’t block the door and inconvenience the other customers.  Mark presses a quick kiss at the dog’s head before looking up to his handsome husband.

 

“I actually saw her the other day when I stopped by here… She is the dog that I wanted to get if ever we agree to get one…”  Mark bites his lower lip at the amused smile Jaebeom is now showcasing.  He didn’t have the time to react when Jaebeom cradles his jaw with his hands and kissing him soundly on the lips.

 

“I love you… And I’m sorry…”

 

“It’s okay… Bummie… I love you too…” 

 

The couple went home that night hand in hand, the dog in Mark’s arms and the bag in Jaebeom’s, discussing what to name their new daughter (which they eventually agreed on Coco) and how will they introduce her to her temperamental elder sister.

 

Now, as Jaebeom looks at Coco lying on his cot near the sofa as he walks towards the foyer to get ready to leave for work, he feels sorry for the 5 year-old Maltese that her parents will get separated soon.  He knows that Mark would want Coco with him the moment they separate, so he knows that it will not take long for him to not see his other daughter.  He lets out a sigh before crouching and rubbing the dog’s ear, making it wince but continued sleeping as he always does.

 

“Papa will surely miss you, baby.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom stood up when he hears the front door opening, seeing his husband’s slightly disheveled form entering their house after removing his shoes and slinging his coat at the coat hanger.

 

“I am sorry I am late… Need to turn in a few more reports to Seungyoon and I didn’t bring the car…”  He said as he quickly puts on his house slippers and fixing his hair.

 

“It’s okay, hyung.”  Youngjae says as he stands up to greet Mark, dropping Coco in haste so that he can give Mark a quick hug before the younger takes a seat at the couch adjacent to their longest one, and Mark awkwardly sits next to his husband.  “It’s been a while, how have you been?”

 

“I’m okay, Youngjae-ah, how about you?”  Youngjae is Jaebeom’s cousin—who is also one of their closest friends.  The younger man just passed the bar exams and has been a lawyer for about a year now.  It wasn’t a surprise that Jaebeom had chosen him to handle this case.

 

“Doing great, hyung!  I can’t remember the last time we had seen each other and it had to be in this… situation…”  The younger sighed and Jaebeom just looked at him and he immediately puts on his professional face on.

 

“Okay!  So, maybe… we should… probably discuss this since it’s getting a little late?”

 

The three of them went over the details of the divorce, their equities, properties, and the conditions, and how long would the process take.  The couple seemed to have taken it in stride, not really into law in particular, so they just listened to what the younger lawyer had to say.

 

“Also… Jaebeom-hyung and Mark-hyung… you both got married in LA and since you’re just registered partners here in Korea, the completion would take a little longer than usual…”

 

“Understood, Youngjae.”  Jaebeom says as he goes over the document once more.

 

“And… there is also a condition at the bottom of the 5th page…”  Youngjae pointed at the particular paragraph he was talking about.

 

“The government wanted to give the couple 30 days from their filing to… think about their decision fully.  They don’t want rushed decisions… I know that you two might have already talked about this and had your minds made up before you filed this… but… we really have no choice.  We need to follow.  By the time the 30 days is up, I will gather the papers and process it as quickly as I can.  The payment will then come into picture by then.”  Youngjae says and Jaebeom wanted to scowl at the government for coming up with that shitty policy, but it’s just another 30 days, and it’s as if he hated Mark that much.  He can get by.

 

“I think that’s… alright, Youngjae-ah.  How about you, Mark?”  Jaebeom looks at his husband who had been silent and timid as always.

 

“I have no problems with it.”  He murmurs before signing the agreement and handing it over the young lawyer.  “Thank you, Youngjae-yah.  Is there anything else that I need to do?”

 

“No, not at the moment, hyung.  Even you Jaebeom-hyung.”

 

“Why don’t you join us for dinner, I’ve prepared something for the three of us…”

 

“I am not really hungry, Jaebeom, but Youngjae, please join Jaebeom, I am just really tired.  Call me in my room if you need me, okay?”  He pats Jaebeom’s shoulder before hugging Youngjae once again and scrambling on his feet to get inside their shared bedroom.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“I can’t believe you two are divorcing, hyung.”  Youngjae finally spoke up once Jaebeom had their food heated and put on the table.  “Did something happen?”

 

Of course, his cousin and one of their best friends would ask him.  Youngjae is one of the few witnesses of Mark and Jaebeom’s relationship, even before it officially started.  Jaebeom had never told one of them about his _problem_ with Mark—and this is the first time that the younger will ever hear about this divorce thing from any of them.

 

“Nothing, Youngjae-yah.  It’s just a mutual decision.”  He says timidly and the younger scowled at him.

 

“I don’t believe it.  Did you have an affair? Don’t tell me you actually fell for that Thai boy in your company—”

 

“Youngjae—please.  There’s no one!  It’s not because of that.  Mark didn’t cheat either.  It’s not about that…”

 

“Then what is it?  In your divorce papers you said something about loss of interest, which is bullshit and many couples use that…”  Youngjae asks and his mouth widened when his hyung didn’t respond.

 

“Wait… so you mean— did Mark hyung tell you he fell out of love with you?”  He asks and Jaebeom looks at him, surprised.

 

“Why would you think it’s Mark?”  He asks and Youngjae is even more shocked.

 

“What?  You mean it’s YOU?”  He asks and Jaebeom looks away before nodding.

 

“The hell, hyung.  That’s bullshit.  You’re head over heels for Mark-hyung!”  Jaebeom rolled his eyes at Youngjae.

 

“I know… I don’t know what happened but… I just felt it… I am not proud of it though.”  He says as he begins to eat so that he won’t be required to answer any of Youngjae’s questions that would make him feel guiltier.

 

“That’s so sad… What will happen to Mark-hyung?  Did he just agree to what you said?”  Jaebeom just nods and Youngjae lets out another sigh.

 

“Did you tell Jinyoung-hyung or Jackson-hyung about this yet?”

 

“Just Jinyoung.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“Nothing… yet.”  He hasn’t seen the younger yet since Jinyoung is still in China for a business trip and is pretty busy.

 

Youngjae didn’t ask anything else and just continued eating and Jaebeom is quite thankful of.

 

When they’re both finished eating, Youngjae left after helping him out with the dishes, but not after delivering one last phrase.

 

“Maybe the 30 days period can change something… I hope…”  He puts on his shoes and Jaebeom is about to say something, but decided against it, thinking that he really doesn’t have anything to say anyway, when Youngjae speaks up again.

 

“Or maybe Jinyoung-hyung can whip your ass once he’s back and make you realize your mistake.”

 

The young lawyer runs for his life out the door even before Jaebeom can react or do something, maybe snap his cousin’s neck or kick his balls.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom came in to the room after his dinner with Youngjae and he sees his husband lying on his side of the bed, looking small and fragile as usual, his whole body covered in their comfy blanket.  He gives him a look before heading towards the shower.  He had actually wanted to talk to Mark before going to sleep, but he is not going to wake him up this time.  Maybe they can discuss things tomorrow.

 

When Jaebeom comes out of the shower, he flinched when he sees his husband sitting on the bed, his head lifting once he’s out the door, straightening his back and lowering the blanket from his chest to his waist.

 

“I thought you’re already sleeping…”

 

“I woke up when you entered the room…”  Mark murmurs quietly as Jaebeom dries his hair and picks up a shirt and shorts from the drawer.  He dresses quickly so that he can proceed in talking to Mark about what just happened earlier.  He sits on his side of the bed, leaning his head against the headboard and closing his eyes, trying to organize his thoughts.

 

“I think I should move to the other room starting tomorrow, Mark-yah.”  He started and he saw his husband’s head dropping, his fingers fidgeting with his blanket once again.  “There… there is no point in staying in one room when we’re about to divorce anyway, right?”

 

“I…”  Mark started, but he closes his mouth eventually.  Jaebeom turns to him as he waits for his husband to continue.  He knows that Mark just needs time to think of what he wants to say, so he allowed him.  What he wasn’t expecting is the look of anguish in Mark’s eyes when he lifted them to meet his.  His bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he holds the blanket tighter and tighter against his body.

 

“I… wanted you to continue sleep here… Next to me… Jaebeom-ah…”  Mark says, his voice gravely and shaking, making Jaebeom’s eyebrows furrow, why would his husband want that?

 

“W-we don’t have much time left anyway, right?  Just 30 days… Please, Jaebeom-ah?”  Again, Mark is looking at him with that glassy and beautiful eyes of his that the rejection Jaebeom wanted to throw at his husband completely died in his tongue.  He nods, confirming that they would still share a bed which made Mark smile a little.

 

Both of them had discussed about their properties and also their daughters, and they said that they’ll both have it finalized once the 30 days period is done.  Jaebeom thought that talking to Mark after such a long time seemed a little… refreshing, even though they had mainly talked about breaking up and dividing their conjugal properties.

 

Jaebeom was about to call it a night and lay down on the bed when Mark suddenly touched his shoulder.  He turns to look at Mark and his husband just continued chewing on his lip before meeting his eyes.

 

“I… I do have one more request, if you don’t mind, Jaebeom-ah…”  Jaebeom looks at his husband before nodding.

 

“Go ahead, what is it?”  This is the least that he can do for his future ex-husband, as long as it’s not something ridiculous, he doesn’t see the point why he won’t say yes.

 

“C-can you…”  Mark clears his throat before trying to speak again, his fingers clutching Jaebeom’s shoulder through his shirt.  “Can you… K-kiss me on the forehead every morning?  When we wake up?  And… tell me… Tell me that… You…  You are my energy?  And… give me a hug before you leave for work?”  His husband looks embarrassed, his ears flaming red at his request, and Jaebeom wanted to say no, but… as he thinks about it… It’s just a forehead kiss and a hug anyway, the statement his husband uttered seemed oddly familiar though—but he’s not sure where and when he had first heard it. 

 

Jaebeom is still thinking when Mark looks up to him with a defeated look on his face.  “I-I’m sorry… to have asked that out of the blue… I… I really just wanted that… And it will just be for 30 days anyway—but if it makes you uncomfortable—”

 

“Don’t worry…”  Jaebeom interrupts his husband before clutching the hand that is on his shoulder, rubbing his knuckles to make his husband ease his tension.  “I’ll do it.”  He smiles at Mark and the older stares at him wide eyed.

 

“Y-you would… you would really do that?”

 

“I don’t see anything wrong with it to be honest…  So… You just want me to kiss your forehead and tell you “I’m your energy” every morning and give you a hug before I leave for the next 30 days, right?”  Mark nods shyly, and Jaebeom can’t help but smile at him.  “Don’t worry, Mark.  I’ll do it.  You better go to sleep now, it’s late.”

 

“Okay.  Thank you, Jaebeom.”

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom and Mark met at their first day as university students.  Both boys are on their way to the Arts building when a boy in a bicycle lost his balance and was heading straight to Mark, who is walking at the sidewalk with his headphones on, apparently not hearing the voices of the boy telling him to move.

 

Jaebeom was behind the skinny, yet pretty boy that time and seeing the boy in a bicycle approaching him, he immediately ran and gathered the boy in his arms to keep him away from the possible accident that might damage his pretty face.

 

It was a cliché meet up if you were to ask Jaebeom.  Their eyes met, arms around each other, and both were automatically smitten. Both of their heart beats fast, rapid, their hearts threatening to come out of their rib cages, both of their faces and ears reddening at the proximity of their body and faces.

 

“Are you okay?”  Jaebeom asks breathlessly—his face only inches apart against the pretty boy, whose breaths are also choppy, maybe because of fear, but nods either way.

 

“Can you stand on your own?”  Jaebeom asks again and the boy just nods again, and Jaebeom slowly released his hold against the lithe body of the stranger, but kept a hand on his arm just in case he stumble in place.

 

“T-thank you.”  The boy muttered once he’s at his feet without Jaebeom’s support, and Jaebeom then figured that the guy is a foreigner because of his lightly accented Korean.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  I’m—I’m happy to help.”

 

“I should probably be more careful next time.”  The blonde chuckles and it sounded so beautiful against Jaebeom’s ears, his face turning hot so he fakes a cough so that he can hide the real reason why he’s turning crimson.

 

“Yeah.  Probably… I’m Jaebeom, by the way.”  He extends his hand and the boy gladly takes it, smiling brightly at him that made his heart do flips as if it’s bboying—the sun shining above the blonde’s head making him look like an angel.

 

“I’m Mark.”  The cute boy says before pulling his hand away.

 

“You’re not from here, are you?”

 

“No, I came from LA but I was granted a scholarship here… My… Korean is a little rusty… So I am sorry for that.”  Mark smiles shyly once again and Jaebeom realized that he truly is gay at that moment.

 

Both boys had figured that they’re from the College of Arts, Mark is taking up Fine Arts while Jaebeom is majoring in Music.  They had agreed on exchanging numbers, with the excuse of showing things around and practicing Korean (Jaebeom’s excuse), which Mark happily obliged because he really needs more friends who are Korean (bullshit, he really just finds Jaebeom cute), and he is a little tired of his childhood friend, Jackson who moved in with him this year and spending his last year in High School—so having Jaebeom as another friend doesn’t sound so bad, it actually sounds great to make new friends (see second parenthesis in this paragraph).

 

Shared lunches, dinners, study sessions, and sometimes meet ups for coffee on a weekend just to talk almost became a habit for the two—and as they share these moments together, they eventually met each other’s best friends, Park Jinyoung (Jaebeom’s) and Jackson Wang (Mark’s), who are both in their fourth year in high school. 

 

The two instantly clicked despite a huge gap in their personalities.  Jinyoung is always the calm, collected type while the other is always bursting with energy and clearly enjoys being loud most of the time.  It can also be because of the fact that Jackson has a knack for being everyone’s _friend,_ and literally no one can resist the huge puppy. 

 

Jaebeom also introduced his cousin Youngjae to them for the first time when he invited Mark, Jinyoung, and Jackson for a sleepover at their house, wherein he also invited the kid over, and all of them had been great friends until the whole semester was finished.  Mark, Jinyoung, and Jackson were surprised that Youngjae is also a senior in High school despite being two years younger than the other two seniors, and Jaebeom bragged about Youngjae living the meaning of his name, _genius._ The boy is a smart one and managed to accelerate two levels up when he was in elementary.  The younger just awkwardly scratches his head at the compliment.

 

When Jaebeom finally asked Mark to be his boyfriend (after _months_ of prodding and convincing from Jinyoung and Jackson), it didn’t really shock anyone of them.  Youngjae even thought at one point that they’re already together because of how clingy they are, but, he was wrong.

 

Mark and Jaebeom had a steady relationship in general, they rarely fight, most of their fights are out of stupidity and just one of them being stubborn, but eventually the other would give in and ask for forgiveness.  After their first year of being together, they had introduced themselves to their parents, Jaebeom inviting Mark to come over for dinner and was instantly and warmly welcomed by Jaebeom’s parents.  Jaebeom’s Mom even called him “son” which made Mark choke on his water, but both boys are happy nonetheless.  Jaebeom then flew with Mark to LA after their 2nd year in university, and the Tuans welcomed Jaebeom with open arms, and Mark can already see his mother and eldest sister doting on him from Day 1—gushing about how good looking Jaebeom was, how great he cooks, and how much of a great husband he would be in the future (which made Mark choke on his pizza and Jaebeom patting his back).

 

At the end of the couple’s junior year, as well as Jinyoung, Jackson, and Youngjae’s 2nd year as university students, Jaebeom suggested that they should try to go on a trip to Jeju to celebrate.  The others immediately agreed and they’re off to Jeju at the first week of their vacation.

 

What Mark didn’t know then is that Jaebeom had talked to the others about his _plan_ for that trip.  That’s why when Jaebeom took everyone out for dinner on their last night in Jeju, and they all went to the lights festival, Mark didn’t even have the time to grasp on what’s happening when Jaebeom suddenly went on his knees when they’re in front of a fountain in the middle of the street where the festival is being held.  Mark was shell-shocked, and Jaebeom didn’t anticipate any other response from his love.

 

All of their friends are on the sides, cooing and mumbling to themselves on how romantic the gesture is, especially when Jaebeom uttered those four words that instantly brought tears to Mark’s eyes.

 

_“Will you marry me?”_

Mark cannot say anything, but he is already sobbing and nodding vigorously, and Jaebeom didn’t need any further prodding, he takes Mark’s hand on his and slips the diamond ring on his _fiancé’s_ ring finger, before Mark pulls him to a longing kiss and a tight hug.  The crowd surrounding them began cheering and clapping for them, some couples muttering words of love and advices for the couple, but the two cannot hear them, both are too engrossed in their own little world, that Jinyoung and Jackson needed to actually drag them out of the street so that they can all go back to the lodge, where they spent the rest of the night talking and drinking, and, for Mark and Jaebeom, making passionate love to each other that Youngjae was forced to sleep in the living room so that he would not hear the noises they are making.

 

Once they both graduated college, the couple had flown to the US to get married.  It was a little rushed, but Mark and Jaebeom are so gone for each other that they wanted to secure the bond as early as now, while they’re still young, and Jaebeom is also lowkey scared that once Mark started working, he might find someone else to replace him because he is so beautiful that he can get any guy he wants.  Mark would always contradict him and also started pointing fingers at him, saying that he is too chic and sexy so he would also get whoever he wants or leave him or throw him away once he gets tired of him.  That night before their marriage had turned a little too steamy, the honeymoon definitely came a little earlier than planned.

 

Little did both of them know that one of their statements would suddenly turned into a dreadful reality that would eventually make their hearts shatter into small pieces.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom did abide by Mark’s request to kiss his forehead the moment they wake up.  It was a little awkward, of course.  He hasn’t remembered the last time he actually kissed Mark, anywhere, so he can’t help but feel uneasy, especially when he is about to say Mark’s requested phrase.  Once he drops a kiss to Mark’s forehead, the elder suddenly wakes up, and welcomes Jaebeom with his small smile.

 

“Good morning Jaebeom.”  Mark whispers in his gravely voice and Jaebeom was suddenly stiff.  Has it been a while since he heard Mark’s morning voice?

 

“Oh... Good morning…”  He clears his throat before looking at him.  “Rise and shine, I’m your energy!”  He mutters before groaning, “This is embarrassing…”  He smiles awkwardly and Mark is smiling from ear to ear before quickly stepping out of the bed.

 

“I’ll start on breakfast, go ahead and take a shower.  I’ll be working from home today.”

 

Jaebeom just did as told, wondering why on earth is he blushing so damn hard.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom wasn’t lying when he told Mark that there is no one else, there is no third party, and he knows that Mark believes him.  He is anything but a liar, his straightforwardness and honesty are some of the things that his husband admired of him.  He cannot seem to lie to Mark, which led him to asking for divorce in the first place, since he cannot bear to continue lying to Mark that he’s still in love with him.  He may not love his husband anymore, but he is not cruel enough to blind side him.  He still cares for him, so he knows that this is the best decision to make.

 

Jaebeom also had to admit that the stories that he had heard from his co-workers had kind of influenced him and got him curious.

 

He had heard all sorts of stories especially from his superiors about them cheating with their wives because they don’t find their wives desirable anymore.  And when they ask them why they continue being with them, they always said it’s because of the kids, though some would say that they still love their wives, but they just wanted to try someone else.

 

Jaebeom is extremely disgusted, especially when he had heard it from the first time.  When the spark between him and Mark had died down, he knows that it’s not because he wanted to try doing it with someone else, no matter how hard their colleagues had tried, even attempted to set him up with Suzy, the prettiest girl in the company, where he just told them that he is not interested in girls, so they tried setting him up with a young boy named Bambam, who is also a foreigner, which he also refused, since the boy is way younger, and that he’s not his type.

 

So, that means that he just lost interest with Mark, right?  Not because he is interested with someone else… He wonders what really tipped the scales…

 

“Jaebeom-ah?”  His husband’s voice snaps him out of his reverie, Mark’s hand waving in front of his face.

 

“Oh, why?”  Jaebeom blinks at his husband and Mark just waves the lunch box from his other hand.

 

“Your packed lunch?  You told me you may not be able to go out to buy, so I made you this.”  Mark says again and Jaebeom nods, taking the small bag from Mark before waving goodbye, his thoughts keep going to back to the question lingering inside his head.

 

When he was about to step out the door, he felt steady arms wrapping around his waist, _oh,_ their agreement.

 

“You forgot to hug me before leaving…”  Mark’s voice was muffled by his shirt and Jaebeom lets out a sigh.

 

“I’m sorry.  I’ll do better next time.”  He taps Mark’s arm and the older nods against his back.

 

“Okay… take care while driving.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

“So you really did file for a divorce after all…”  Jinyoung mutters before letting out an annoying sigh, which Jaebeom rolled his eyes at.

 

“What’s wrong with it?  Mark agreed—”

 

“How can you be sure of that?  You know that Mark-hyung rarely talks about his real feelings, hyung.  You should know better.  He is your husband, you’ve been married for six years, and you’ve been a couple your entire college life.”  Jinyoung rubs a hand on his face and Jaebeom just played with his food.

 

“No matter what Mark says, my decision won’t change, Jinyoung.  We’re still getting a divorce, so it really won’t matter what Mark really feels.  As long as he agrees to it, we should be good.  Stop—”

 

“You’re impossible, hyung.”  Jinyoung shakes his head; before directing his signature judging gaze at his hyung, “You haven’t even tried working it out with him, or talked to him that you wanted to fix it, a divorce right away?”

 

“Jinyoung—”

 

“Forget it—” Jinyoung holds his hand up before rolling his eyes for the nth time today.  “How many days left with that waiting period?”

 

“It’s just been two days...”  Jaebeom mutters and Jinyoung rolls his eyes again.  “It’s all good, Jinyoungie, and you know that I care for Mark still, that’s why I am doing this… He deserves someone much better than me…”

 

Jinyoung didn’t dare respond to that.  His hyung can really be hard-headed and stupid sometimes, and his relationship with Mark is no exception.

 

He just hopes that Jaebeom will bump his head against the wall before the 30 days period is up and Mark would totally leave him.

 

 

~*~

 

 

So the couple did fall into a routine.  Jaebeom abided by Mark’s request by kissing him on the forehead before muttering an “I’m your energy”, which would always bring out cute and hearty giggles from the older male, and Jaebeom cannot help but smile at his husband, seeing how happy he is.

 

_Even if it’s just for a few days, I would like to make him happy._

Jaebeom didn’t forget hugging Mark before he leaves since the first day.  Just like the morning kiss and greeting, it started really awkward at first, Jaebeom reaching out for Mark hesitantly, but as days go by, it seems to be more natural and sincere, Jaebeom’s hugs towards Mark becoming tighter and more heartfelt, and Jaebeom is slowly realizing that Mark is really warm, his body maybe smaller than his but… He has this certain warmth that he remembered feeling when they were still younger, and he finds out that he likes the feeling.

 

It has been almost two weeks since they started with this arrangement, and Jaebeom didn’t fail to notice that his husband smiles more often than he had seen for the last two years they are together.  He always seems to be in a good mood, his smiles are radiating through him even though it’s just the start of the day.  Mark is _glowing—_ his smiles wide and mood always upbeat, that Jaebeom cannot help but be taken away and be swept by Mark’s energy.

 

It was dinner time and Mark is a little busy preparing food when Jaebeom comes in, still in his suit.  He just stares at his husband as he continues to stir the soup in the stove, always meticulous just like how he does his art.

 

Without him even knowing, his footsteps are leading him towards his husband who still haven’t noticed his presence, before wrapping his arms around the elder’s waist and dropping his chin on his shoulder.

 

Jaebeom knows that Mark doesn’t expect him to be there, moreover, _hugging_ him out of the blue, so he wasn’t entirely surprised that Mark accidentally drops the spatula he’s using to stir the soup, good thing it didn’t fall on the floor or in the pot itself, just at the side of the stove, and Mark quickly picks it up with still shaky hands.  Jaebeom still smiled at the reaction though.

 

“What are you making?”  He asks with a smile on his face, and Mark was adorably fidgeting with the spatula, his mouth gaping and closing like a fish out of water.

 

“I-I..t-this—“

 

“Kimchi jjigae?  It smells amazing, Mark.”  Jaebeom continues to hug Mark while the older is still trying to control his hands from shaking too much as well as the blush that’s creeping from his neck up to his ears.

 

“T-this should be ready in a few… You can shower first, Jaebeom-ah.”  Mark cleared his throat and Jaebeom smiled wider, nuzzling Mark’s neck for a second before pulling away, unknowingly saving his husband from his current misery.

 

“Okay.”  Jaebeom sing-songed as he goes to their bedroom and into the bathroom, his smile not leaving his lips.  He wanted to question as to why he did that in the first place and why the hell it’s making him so damn happy, but he is too delighted to even think about it so he just shrugs, and the night went on as usual.

 

 

~*~

 

 

As days go by, Jaebeom can feel that the _favor_ he is doing for Mark seems like a part of his habit for a long time.  He is not awkward at all anymore, he even feels happy whenever he sees Mark’s face first thing in the morning, and gets to feel his husband’s warmth before he leaves—happier than he had been for a long time.

 

“Do you have any plans for tonight, Mark?”  He asks his husband while he is putting on his shoes, it’s been a little over two weeks since they initially filed for a divorce, and Mark looked at him as if he’s grown a second head.

 

“Uh… Just here, at home.”  Mark asks timidly and Jaebeom walks to him.

 

“There is a new ramen shop Jinyoung recommended me early this week, he told me that their food is really good.  You wanna join me?”  He asks and Mark was obviously taken aback, but he nods his head.  Jaebeom doesn’t understand why he had invited Mark when he can just tag his cousin or best friend along, but he just thought that they never get to go out by themselves for a long time, so he just thought of bringing Mark along instead.

 

“I’ll pick you up at 6?”

 

“Okay…”

 

Jaebeom then hugs Mark as usual, his arms wrapping around the elder’s waist, while the older keeps both of his hands on his sides.

 

“Aren’t you gonna hug me back?”  Jaebeom pouts with a little bit of aegyo, and Mark can’t help but chuckle a little, slowly lifting his hands to hug his sulking husband back.

 

“That’s more like it.”  Jaebeom says and they just stayed there a little longer, Jaebeom’s heart beating steadfastly, the comfort Mark is giving him beyond imagination.  He never thought he’d feel this way again, his previous thoughts of not feeling anything for his husband anymore slowly changing… though he is not aware of it yet.

 

They pulled away when Mark reminded Jaebeom of the time and he might be late.  Without preamble, Jaebeom presses a light kiss on his forehead before sprinting out the door, smile plastered on his face until he reaches work, surprising his colleagues with his uplifting mood.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“What’s with you lately?”  Jaebeom was typing something on his laptop when his older colleague, Chansung approached him on his table.  Jaebeom looks up to the older and stares at his watch, he hasn’t realized that it’s almost lunch break.

 

“What do you mean, hyung?”  He asks as he finishes what he’s doing on his laptop.

 

“You seemed to be lively these past few days, did something happen?  Do you have a mistress?  A new boy?”  Chansung asks a little too loudly that Jaebeom had to shush him.

 

“Hyung, NO.  I don’t.  What are you talking about?”

 

“Then why do you look like a love sick fool?  You just told me that you and Mark have been on the rocks and might file for a divorce soon.  Don’t tell me it’s because of him?”

 

 _Love sick fool?_ Jaebeom hasn’t thought of looking like that.  And because of Mark that’s why he’s looking like this?  Is it really?  When Jaebeom didn’t answer, Chansung looked at him, amused.

 

“Ohhh, don’t tell me the spark is back, Jaebeom-ah?  You’re in love with Mark again, aren’t you?”

 

Jaebeom was dumbstruck, he doesn’t know how to answer that question, if he is honest.

 

“I—”  Jaebeom didn’t get the chance to answer him when the rest of their co-workers approached them, leaving Chansung distracted by the story that Wooyoung was sharing.

 

“Aren’t you joining us for lunch, Jaebeom-ssi?”  Wooyoung then asks and Jaebeom shakes his head.

 

“I am really busy, hyung.  And I have packed lunch too, so I might just stay at the pantry.”

 

“Okay, if you say so.”  The rest of his co-workers left him alone and he heaves out a loud sigh before pressing the back of his palms on top of his eyes, Chansung’s statements lingering inside his head.

 

Is he really falling back in love with Mark?  It’s true that he appreciates Mark more these days, and that he can notice the changes in his husband too.  He enjoys hugging and kissing Mark, and talking to him about mundane stuff whenever they’re together in the house.  They had been sharing the work equally as well and had a share of good laughs while clearing the dishes or doing general cleaning on weekends.  He remembers Mark complaining last Sunday that the noodles of the ramen he cooked for them are too soggy, and Mark was pouting cutely that he pinched both of his husband’s cute cheeks, before telling him in a cute way that he will cook another one for him.

 

Jaebeom closes his eyes in frustration, why is he feeling this way?  They’re divorcing, he was the one who asked for it, he shouldn’t feel this way.  Mark is just being his normal self most of the time, he didn’t do anything special or grand for his feelings to make a 360 degree turn.

 

_What had happened to him?_

 

That night, he had texted Mark that he is cancelling their dinner at the ramen house, telling him that he needs to do over time at work because of an urgent project.  Mark texted back with a short “Okay, Jaebeom”, causing his chest to constrict tightly as he pictures his husband’s disappointed face upon reading his text message.

 

_But this should stop, I should not give him false hopes.  I should not make him believe that this marriage is still worth saving._

He shakes the heavy feeling from his chest and started working again, hopefully the pinch in his heart won’t grow into a huge gash as he buries himself at work, his mind trying its very best to erase his husband’s disappointed face.

 

Jaebeom goes home that night with a prepared meal on the table as usual, which made him feel even worse, because despite him ditching Mark on their dinner date (the one that he INITIATED), his husband is still caring and thoughtful of him as always.  He then eats the food that his husband prepared since he is also famished—the last decent meal he had was at lunch and he just had protein shake around 7PM to get by.

 

Once Jaebeom is finished, he goes inside the room and sees his husband at the far end of the bed, his back facing Jaebeom’s usual spot.  During the last almost two weeks of their agreement, him and Mark had somehow settled on slight cuddling, either him hugging his husband from behind or Mark hugging his side and leaning his head against his shoulder.  He knows that Mark is upset about what happened earlier today, and Jaebeom is feeling guiltier and guiltier by the minute.

 

What he doesn’t understand is how much those words Chansung had thrown at him affected him and his feelings.  Why does it make him so concerned?  Is he scared that he might disappoint Mark, or maybe himself?  What if it’s just another temporary feeling and if they continue with this marriage, they’ll lose touch again?

 

Jaebeom is confused to hell and back as his thoughts are still running inside his head as he showers.  He finished quickly and once he’s dressed, he steps on the bed, choosing to lean his body on the other side, facing away from Mark, choosing to be a total coward rather than admit and accept his own feelings, because he is Lim Jaebeom.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom tried avoiding Mark as much as he can—though he would still kiss him and hug him as planned, he had stopped showing affections towards the older man.  He thinks that it’s for the best, since they only have a week together to file for the divorce completely, and after that, they’ll go their separate ways.

 

He would not miss the way Mark’s face would crumble or would dim whenever he gives him a rather forced hug or kiss, whenever he says “I’m your energy” in a fake excitement tone, but his husband continued to take everything in stride.  Jaebeom would always, _always_ ignore the pain that shoots his heart whenever he sees his husband sad and disappointed because of him, but his stupid self would always tell him it’s for the best so that Mark wouldn’t expect anything else apart from this marriage being over.

 

It was a Tuesday and Jaebeom decided to drop by the coffee shop a few blocks away from their home to grab some strawberry latte.  He kind of thought of buying something for Mark but decided against it, when he suddenly spots two familiar figures at the far end of the café.

 

His husband and his husband’s best friend and also his close friend, Jackson, was sitting across each other with mugs in front of them, smiles and laughter evident on their faces.  Jaebeom directs his gaze towards Mark’s face, and his husband, despite laughing his signature high-pitched laugh, looks a little stressed, and he denies the fact that he might be the cause of that stress.

 

He then sees Jackson grabbing Mark’s hand from across the table, intertwining their fingers together, before his face turned serious.  His husband turned serious as well, biting his lower lip before clutching his best friend’s hand in return.  Jackson is muttering something to him and Mark just continues to look down, mumbling something as well.  At this point, Jaebeom doesn’t care if they’ll see him, he cannot stop looking at Mark’s face.  After a few more mumblings and soft words shared towards each other, the duo is back to full on laughing, Mark being joyous once again, he is always like that in the presence of his childhood best friend that sometimes Jaebeom gets a little jealous before, but Mark would always tell him that it’s gross because Jackson is technically his brother, and would always reward Jaebeom with a kiss to ease his worries.

 

Jaebeom cannot help but curse at himself when the ugly emotions that he hasn’t felt towards Jackson in _years_ came back to him full force, especially when they continue to laugh and whisper at each other, their faces only inches apart.  He hasn’t heard and seen Mark that _happy_ in the last two years that they’re together.  Mark is generous when it comes to his laughs, especially when it comes to him.  He would giggle and laugh at any joke Jaebeom would say, no matter how corny it is, he would always share a laugh or two with Jaebeom whenever he tells a funny story about work or from one of his business travels.

 

He misses Mark’s laughs, especially those that are because of him.

 

Craving for strawberry latte forgotten, he immediately steps out of the coffee shop and towards his car, driving his way to his house and without looking at the kitchen—he trudges towards the bedroom and the bathroom.  When he’s done showering, Mark is still not back and Jaebeom swallows the disappointment away and decided to sleep off his hunger and frustration, hoping that when he wakes up the next day, the pain is already non-existent.

 

 

~*~

 

Jaebeom wakes up the next morning rather dazedly, the pats on his shoulders and slight pinches on his arm slowly brought him out of his unconsciousness.  When he opens his eyes, he is not expecting to meet his husband’s doe, brown eyes staring back at him a little too closely.  _Oh._

“Jaebeom-ah, you got to get up, you’ll be late for work.”  His husband mutters and he suddenly feels a sturdy body beneath him and his chin hitting a solid chest.  He can also feel an arm around his broad shoulder and fingers clutching his arm as he tries to clear the haze in his mind and to will himself to be fully awake.

 

And when he does, he is not expecting the situation him and his husband is currently at.

 

He is completely on top of his husband’s smaller figure, his broader and bigger body squishing Mark’s on their shared bed, his arms around Mark’s neck and clinging to him like a small boy.

 

 _“Fuck.”_ Jaebeom quickly sits up from Mark’s body, causing him to wobble in place and almost falling on his side and to the floor, good thing Mark was able to catch him before he falls, guiding him to sit on his thighs instead as his husband steadies him with his hands on his waist.

 

“Hey, careful there, Jaebeom-ah.  Are you okay?”  Mark looks up to him, concerned, and Jaebeom is turning as red as a tomato.

 

How did he manage to be in that position?  He can’t even remember Mark entering the bedroom at all.  It seems that he had slept like the dead throughout the night.

 

“Yes…”  He answers before clearing his throat and Mark lets out a soft giggle, which made him look at the redhead.

 

“I’m sorry—I didn’t know what I was doing…”

 

“Don’t worry about it.”  Mark is still smiling as he looks at Jaebeom, his hands still clutching the younger’s waist and Jaebeom was reminded of their morning routine, he tells himself that if he does it faster, he can get away from Mark and this situation faster as well.  On top of all of that, the green eyed monster he wanted to forget about last night is still there, completely securing a place in his confused heart.

 

Jaebeom leans forward slowly, taking in Mark’s handsome features as always.  He hasn’t been in this position for quite some time when he’s giving Mark a kiss, so he had a full view of the elder’s face—his tall nose, plump limps, the mole on top of his lip and below his eye, his doe eyes, and cute ears.

 

Jaebeom really meant to kiss his forehead, he really does, since that’s what he has been doing for three weeks now, but when his gaze zeroed to Mark’s plump, pink, and kissable lips, he _accidentally_ places a kiss there instead.

 

Jaebeom’s eyes were closed when he presses his lips against the older, so he didn’t see Mark’s wide eyes and shocked expression.  A few seconds after, he felt Mark’s hands pushing against his chest, and that’s when it hit him.

 

_He kissed Mark._

_He kissed his husband, and he likes it._

He likes the feeling of those pillowy like lips against his own _again._ Gosh, Jaebeom must be insane but he wanted to really kiss Mark again, like, _right now,_ so he does—or at least he tried.

 

Mark places a hand over his mouth so Jaebeom’s lips landed on the back of the redhead’s hand instead.  He looks up at Mark and about to ask what’s wrong, when Mark murmurs behind his obstructed mouth.

 

“Morning breath.”  He looks away but kept his hand on his mouth.  Jaebeom laughs shallowly before finally pressing a kiss on Mark’s forehead, twice, and Mark thought he’s already safe because Jaebeom already muttered “I’m your energy”, but he was caught off-guard when the Jaebeom grabs both of his hands before pinning them above his head and began showering his lips with light kisses, before placing a loud one on his cheek.

 

“Lim Jaebeom!!!”  Mark who tries to pull away was caught off-guard once again when Jaebeom stares at him, smiling from ear to ear, his eyes conveying an emotion that he hasn’t seen from him in a long time, before Jaebeom ducks his head again to capture his mouth in a sweet, longing kiss, morning breath be damned as Jaebeom moved his lips slowly, catching Mark’s bottom lip between his before nipping slightly—before kissing his upper lip and going back to kiss him fully on the mouth.

 

By the time Jaebeom had pulled away, Mark’s hands are already freed and his fingers are locked behind his neck and one hand is on top of the brunette’s shoulder, their breaths a little choppy because of their kiss, their faces slightly red, but there is a particular glow in their eyes that they thought they would never see from each other’s eyes again.

 

Jaebeom stares at his husband and he tries to regulate his erratic heartbeat.  He clearly knows that he’s feeling—but he is afraid to name it.  He was about to kiss Mark again when his phone’s alarm suddenly broke the tensed silence.  He grabs it from the bedside and his eyes widened as he sees that he’s going to be really late for work if he doesn’t go to the shower right now and finish in ten minutes.

 

“Shit, I’m gonna be late!!!”

 

Though Jaebeom is not really sure if he regrets it.

 

Luckily, Mark kept Jaebeom’s untouched food from last night in the fridge so he tells the younger to just bring it to work.  Jaebeom thanks him before giving him a hug and a sweet kiss on the lips.  He really enjoys kissing Mark, he misses it so much and he wants to do it often.  Fuck the confusion and the voice inside his head telling him he’s wrong to feel that way.

 

“Bummie, if you keep kissing me you’ll be really late…”  Mark giggles when Jaebeom kisses him soundly on his cheek and Jaebeom was forced to pull away.

 

“I’ll see you later.”  Delivering another longing kiss to Mark’s lips before happily walking out of the door, leaving his flustered husband inside, shaking his head and touching his lips at the lingering taste of his husband’s lips against his own.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom instantly regrets going out with his co-workers and boss when he felt the typical ache at the top of his head and when his sight started to get blurry.  Good thing their boss got drunk pretty easily even before the rest of them turned into full-on drunk just like him.

 

“Will you be okay, Jaebeom-ssi?”  Wooyoung asks him as they all step out of the restaurant.  It’s the first day of the work week and since it’s the boss’ birthday, they all went out for dinner and some drinks.

 

“Yeah, I am not drunk.”  He says because it’s true, he is not drunk yet, but he can feel that if he had drunk a bottle of beer more, he will be.

 

“Okay, if you say so.  Did you bring your car?”

 

“No, it’s okay.  I’ll grab a cab.”  Jaebeom smiles at the older man and the older threw a salute as he walks his way towards the taxi stop.  A taxi had arrived just a minute later and Jaebeom immediately gets in, already thinking if Mark is awake or what is he doing.

 

Jaebeom and Mark’s relationship continued to get better as they approach the date where they need to reach out to Youngjae and say their final decision.

 

To be really honest, Jaebeom is not sure if he wanted to push through with the divorce anymore.  He is still confused—he is not sure if he still wants to leave his husband, which is weird itself.  Wasn’t he the one who initiated this whole thing?  Mark hasn’t expressed any disagreement with the entire thing for the last few weeks, so he thinks that Mark may have been okay with it.

 

Though his main concern is if _he_ is still okay with it.

 

Jaebeom’s thoughts were interrupted when he finally arrives at his destination.  He pays the driver quickly before trudging into his and Mark’s apartment.  He slightly wobbled into place because of his dizziness—but he managed to put in the passcode after about 3 wrong attempts.

 

He enters the rather silent house, removing his shoes and coat before walking to his room.  He sees his husband looking small and cute on their rather large bed, curled upon himself with a book in hand—his specs perched on his nose.  Upon his entry, he lifts his head to look at his husband, placing the book on his lap and fixing his eyeglasses.

 

“You’re here.  Do you want to eat?”  Mark asks and Jaebeom shakes his head—slowly loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his dress shirt.

 

“I ate and drank a few… It’s Mr. Choi’s birthday.”  He murmurs before making his way towards their bed, sitting on the edge and rubbing his tired eyes and his temples.  As he squeezes his tensed shoulder and turns his head to ease the tension, he suddenly had a thought of Mark giving him a great massage after a long night—his husband hasn’t done it in a while.  Mark’s fingers that are long and thick would run over his shoulders, his back, all the way down to his hips to give his pelvis a great massage, which never fails to give him an almost aching boner, so it’s safe to say that after the relaxing massage, him and husband will spend the rest of the night tending to their carnal and erotic desires.

 

 _Shit._ Has it been a while since Jaebeom got laid?  He’s half hard, and the alcohol in his system is not helping him either.

 

“Jaebeom-ah?”  Mark suddenly interrupts his train of thought as he looks back to meet his husband’s concerned gaze.  “Are you okay?  I was asking if you… if you need something?  Is your back and shoulders painful?”  He asks and Jaebeom is about to say _yes and I need you to massage me and maybe do something else after_ but chose not to say anything, he must be more drunk than he thought he was. 

 

Jaebeom shakes his head to clear his head before stretching his arms and back.  A cold shower will take these thoughts of him and his husband _having sex_ away, for sure. 

 

“I’m alright, just really tired.  I’m gonna take a shower.”  He says before standing up, leaving his husband who just stared at him and once Jaebeom closes the door, just shrugs and goes back to his current task in hand.

 

Jaebeom stayed a little too long at the shower, now slightly sober and clean.  He decided to sleep without a shirt on tonight since the soju in his body is still keeping him slightly warm, so he takes a sweatpants from the closet before putting it on, and laying on the bed next to Mark, who’s still reading his book.

 

Jaebeom leans on the side of the bed to stare at Mark’s side profile.

 

His husband has always been beautiful, handsome, and gorgeous.  He seems to be aging backwards because his face didn’t change much even after 10 years.  He still looks the same as ever.  He had managed to put on more weight though and had a sturdier body compared when they were still in college, though Jaebeom would always be thicker and broader than Mark will ever be.

 

He also cannot stop staring at Mark’s slightly jutted lips, those lips that always looks pillow-like, soft, and plump and pink, he wonder if he puts lip balm or lip stick on.  He had kissed those lips that morning, and the previous mornings too, and he wonders if Mark would allow him to kiss those lips again tonight, even though it’s not part of their agreement.

 

“Okay, you’re creeping me out, what’s going on?”  Mark chuckles before taking off his eyeglasses and putting it on the bedside table along with his book.  “Did you sleep again with your eyes open?”  Mark finally lays down on the bed before looking at his husband, and Jaebeom smiled automatically, his hands reaching out to cup Mark’s cheek and gliding his thumb over his cheek.

 

“Did you know which part of your face I like the most?”  Jaebeom asks and Mark knows this, of course, but he didn’t have the chance to answer when Jaebeom suddenly speaks.

 

“Your lips…”  Jaebeom gulps the lump in his throat as his thumb is now tracing Mark’s cupid bow, and his husband nervously takes his bottom lip between his teeth, all the while staring at Jaebeom’s rather dazed form, confused as to why his husband is suddenly bringing this up.  Is he still drunk?

 

“They look so pink… and so soft... so tempting, all the time…”  Jaebeom pulls at Mark’s bottom lip to free it from his teeth, which made the soft muscle even redder than it was earlier, and Jaebeom’s gaze zeroed there, his self-control already slipping away from his fingers big _fucking_ time.

 

“Tempting?”  Mark asks nervously, his body unconsciously leaning against Jaebeom’s and the brunette felt it, he felt Mark’s legs bumping against his and his body is starting to feel like it doesn’t belong to himself.

 

“Very… you have no idea…”  Jaebeom then looks at Mark in the eyes before murmuring, “They’re sweet, pillow-like, like jellies… and cotton candies…” _Okay, perhaps the thought of having sex with Mark hasn’t totally left his body even after spending half an hour inside the shower._  

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes…”  Jaebeom is now staring unabashedly at his husband, and he is delighted that he’s not the only one who’s affected.  His husband’s eyes are also dilated just like his, his hand now clutching Jaebeom’s wrist, the one that’s still cradling Mark’s face.

 

“You wanna get a taste then?”

 

Jaebeom need not need to be prompted twice, he pushes Mark’s face closer to his and smacks their lips together rather harshly, but none of them cares.  Mark’s mouth opens in a moan when Jaebeom grabs his nape to push his face closer, his husband using it as an opportunity to kiss Mark deeper, his tongue dipping in to find Mark’s own and they move together, savouring each other’s mouths like men in the desert and their mouths are the oasis.  Jaebeom can feel his husband’s fingers digging against his bare and still slightly wet shoulders and he groans against the kiss, his fingers tangling against Mark’s red strands, pulling at them gently, and drawing out a whimper from Mark’s mouth.

 

“Fuck.”  Jaebeom huffs out a breath when he pulls away, but not too far, his and his husband’s mouths still nuzzling each other’s and he can feel Mark’s erratic and hot breaths against his own, his eyes still close and tongue running over his slightly swollen lips before opening his eyes slowly, meeting Jaebeom’s dark ones and he cannot help but crave for Mark’s taste once again so he quickly lays on top of his husband before pressing another lingering and deep kiss against his lips.  He expects Mark to pull away, or maybe ask him to slow down, but he felt Mark’s arms circling his neck, pushing him closer and Jaebeom groans against the kiss.

 

Mark was the first to pull away this time, staring at Jaebeom deep in the eyes, his brown orbs glassy with strong emotions before he grabs Jaebeom’s neck and capturing his bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on them before running his sharp teeth over the soft muscle, causing a throaty groan to slip out of Jaebeom’s open mouth.  Mark continues to nip and bite on Jaebeom’s chin, his jawline, before running his tongue at the back of his ear and capturing his earlobe between his teeth and giving it a hard bite—and Jaebeom felt his self-control snap, his hips clashing against his husband, grabbing his face and pressing a harsh kiss against his mouth, his tongue immediately seeking the other’s and began sucking on them, _hard,_ and running his tongue over the top of his husband teeth, the insides of his mouth, before nipping his cupid’s bow, all the while grinding shamelessly against Mark’s crotch, where he can feel his husband’s equally hard dick brushing against his very own.

 

“J-Jaebeom…” Mark moans when Jaebeom places a kiss on the side of his neck, before running his tongue at the column of his throat, biting on his chin before tracing a line of kisses downwards, biting on the thin skin at the base of his throat, and Mark’s whimpers and guttural moans are driving him absolutely nuts.

 

“Baby…”  Jaebeom murmurs against Mark’s now exposed collarbone, his oversized shirt now pulled to the side to give room for Jaebeom to play around with it.  Jaebeom didn’t feel Mark tensing with the pet name, but the older wasn’t given much time to think about it when his younger grabs the hem of his shirt, prompting him to lift his back and arms so that he can take it off of him.  Mark feels Jaebeom’s hungry gaze as he runs his eyes up and down Mark’s exposed body.

 

“You look so beautiful…”  Jaebeom mumbles before pressing a light kiss against the middle of his husband’s chest, placing both of his hands on Mark’s waist as he continues to kiss his chest, the skin surrounding Mark’s nipple, before giving Mark’s left nub a slow, hard lick.

 

“Fuck…”  Mark archs his back at the sensation and Jaebeom’s smirks at the reaction and placing a couple of more licks against it, and the shriek that left Mark’s mouth as he sinks his teeth against the now hardened nub fueled Jaebeom’s desire, burning him from inside out.

 

He can feel Mark’s fingers tangling in his strands as he licks the abused nub slowly, easing the pain, before sucking it soundly and pulling away, leaving a trail of saliva in its wake before licking them once again for good measure.  He smirks at Mark’s slightly agape mouth and heady eyes looking at him with his sharp teeth digging against his swollen bottom lip.  He looks so fine like that, vulnerable under his mouth and touch.  He hasn’t felt this kind of primal desire for his husband in a long time, and he’s not even that drunk in alcohol, but he knows that he is totally drunk in lust and desire for Mark Tuan-Lim.

 

“B-Beom-ah… Fuck, _fuck—”_ Mark was cut off when Jaebeom kisses him again after licking on his other nipple, Jaebeom’s thumb rolling against it while he’s sucking his tongue and lips like there’s no tomorrow, his hands wandering on his husband’s broad shoulders, wide back, slim waist, and strong hips, his nails scraping lightly when he runs them back up to Jaebeom’s shoulders, and the younger pulls away from their lascivious kissing.

 

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me baby…”  Jaebeom says and Mark feels empowered and especially naughty tonight, so he does it again, his nails digging harder against Jaebeom’s lower back and his husband lets out a guttural moan, his hips rolling against Mark’s, which made him bite his lip to prevent any sounds from coming out so that he can hear Jaebeom’s beautiful groans against his ear.  Mark does it again, only to run his fingers slightly harder the second time, and Jaebeom had enough of it.

 

“Okay, that’s it.”  Jaebeom chuckles darkly before grabbing both of Mark’s hands and placing them on top of his head and Mark lets out a laugh, wiggling his wrists but not necessarily against his husband’s actions.

 

“You’ll keep them above your head until I say you can remove them…”  Jaebeom murmurs against his husband’s ear and Mark visibly shuddered beneath him.  “Are we clear, baby?”

 

“Y-yes… Jaebeom…”  Jaebeom laughs at Mark’s submission, pulling away from his ear to place a soft, chaste kiss on his lips.

 

“Good boy…”  He says before running his hands up and down Mark’s abs, the older biting on his lower lip while arching his back, as if it would make him feel Jaebeom’s warm palms against his overheated skin even better.

 

“What do you want, baby?”

 

“I want you…”  Mark gasps when Jaebeom licks the middle of his abs, and Jaebeom laughs against his skin.

 

“I’m here…”  He kisses the skin above Mark’s navel.  “What do you want me to do to you baby?”  He partnered his words with a suck on his sweaty skin and Mark struggles to keep his hands above his head, his voice shaking as he feels Jaebeom’s chin hitting his hard-on when the younger started kissing the skin above the waistband of his shorts.  He lifts his hips to push his crotch closer to his husband’s mouth, which made Jaebeom laugh at his husband’s boldness.

 

“Want me to…”  He nudges his chin against Mark’s dick and Mark is already nodding and shaking his head vigorously, his hips stuttering when Jaebeom nuzzles against the bulge once more.

 

“You’re so worked up already…”  Jaebeom gives Mark’s clothed cock a lick before completely pulling away, and Mark whines at the loss of contact.

 

“Jaebeom… _please.”_

 

“Wow… I even get a _please_?”  His eyes are now dancing with mirth as he sits up and look at Mark’s disheveled and writhing form beneath him, his thumbs hooking against Mark’s waistband.

 

“Jaebeom….”  Mark whines again when Jaebeom drags his shorts and boxers down his hips slowly, taking his time as the smug smile on his lips never leaves his sickeningly handsome face (Mark’s own words in his head).

 

“Jesus Christ Jaebeom just _fucking_ do _something_!!!!”  Mark shouts with desperation lacing in each syllable he uttered that eventually led Jaebeom’s patience slip of off his tight hold.

 

Mark’s shorts and boxers are gone in seconds, throwing them haphazardly on the floor and Jaebeom quickly crouches in front of his husband and taking the head of his dick inside his mouth, his other hand pumping the base of his hard cock while he rolls his tongue over the over the head, his husband’s seeds coating his tongue and he groans at the taste, his mouth now engulfing the head and sucking on it, his hand gaining speed, his ears ringing at the beautiful moans and groans mixing with Jaebeom’s name slipping out of Mark’s lips like a prayer.

 

Mark chooses the right moment to lift his head because Jaebeom pulls away from his dick, leaving a trail of his husband’s saliva and his own precum along the way, snapping it by taking the entirety of his hard on in his mouth, which made Mark let out a keen shout, and Jaebeom swallows hard when the head of Mark’s dick hits the back of his throat, before lifting his mouth a few centimeters, sinking back in against Mark’s cock once again, bobbing his head up and down at a steady pace, his fingers digging against the flesh of Mark’s pelvis to prevent his husband from moving his hips to match the frantic movements of his mouth.

 

“L-let me touch you… Fuck, Jaebeom… that feels so good… ugh… please…”  Mark throws his head back when Jaebeom takes him all the way in and staying there, his dick throbbing inside Jaebeom’s throat, Jaebeom’s expert deep-throating skills being showcased and thrown at his face as the younger clenches his pharynx and Mark cries his name out loud, and Jaebeom swallows around him, breathing through his nose as Mark starts pulling at his own hair since Jaebeom hasn’t given him the permission to put it down yet.

 

“Jaebeom…”  Mark growls when Jaebeom pulls away to catch some air, but his left hand replaced his mouth and started jacking him off frantically, and Mark is all sensations, his climax nearing and he wanted to hold on to Jaebeom as he falls apart.  “Jaebeom, please let me touch you… fuck… I’m close…”

 

“You’re gonna cum, baby?”

 

“Yes… I wanna hold you… Please… come closer…”  Mark opens his eyes to look at his husband and Jaebeom was taken aback when he sees tears in them, flowing from his eyes steadfastly that Jaebeom is forced to pull away.

 

“No… fuck… Don’t stop… Jaebeom…”  Jaebeom quickly hovers Mark, cradling his face with both of his hands and staring at his doe eyes that are still filled with tears.

 

“Are you okay?  Did I hurt you?  What’s wrong?”  Jaebeom asks as he brushes the remaining tears from his husband’s face and Mark wills himself to stop crying, now is not the good time to break down in front of Jaebeom—he doesn’t know when he’ll get the chance to be this close to him again, so he swallows his sobs with the greatest of efforts, looking at Jaebeom with determined eyes.

 

“Nothing… I just felt good… Please don’t stop…”  Mark distracts Jaebeom by wrapping his arms around him and kissing him deeply, his hips lifting to rub it against Jaebeom’s crotch.  “Jaebeom… Please… I need you…”  Mark groans in his low voice and Jaebeom meets his thrusts halfway.  “Please… Please…”  Mark adds for extra measure, good thing he already stopped crying and Jaebeom looks deep in his eyes.

 

“Okay, baby.”  He presses a chaste kiss on his husband’s lips before grabbing the lube from the bed side table, before sinking down Mark’s body again.  He separates Mark’s legs, caressing the pale skin of his thighs before placing butterfly kisses against it until he reaches the redhead’s inner thighs, his palms reaching to cup his ass firmly—and using his thumb, he rubs Mark’s puckered hole, and he smiles when it twitches under his touch.

 

“Fuck!”  Mark keens when Jaebeom puts his mouth on top of his hole, his husband delivering hard suctions against it, before rubbing his tongue over and over and sinking his teeth on the band of muscle, and Mark’s legs are starting to shake against his shoulders.

 

Jaebeom pulls away to press a kiss at the side of Mark’s thigh, before squeezing a dollop of lube on his middle finger and gently spreading the thick liquid over Mark’s hole.  It has been a while since Mark and him had sex, so he knows that his husband would need proper and longer prepping than usual.  Jaebeom bites on the meat of Mark’s thigh, not enough to really cause so much pain and just holds him there as he slowly inserts his finger inside the redhead, the older breathing heavily above him as he lets go of the flesh and licking it to ease the discomfort.

 

“Does it hurt?”  Jaebeom asks and Mark shakes his head, prompting the brunette to continue moving, so Jaebeom did, pushing the rest of his finger all the way in and he sucks a huge breath at the tightness that he can feel around his finger.

 

“You’re so tight…”  He nuzzles the other side of Mark’s inner thigh and scatters a few kisses, before he wiggles his finger inside the older.  Mark just nods, looking at Jaebeom with needy eyes and Jaebeom obliged, pulling his fingers out before plunging back in, slowly, as he brings the head of Mark’s dick back in his mouth to distract him.

 

Without Jaebeom knowing, his finger started to move a little faster as he pulls his mouth away from Mark’s dick, and he smirks as Mark started to meet his thrusts half-way, so he stills his finger inside him before pouring another drop of lube on his index and ring fingers, prodding Mark’s entrance with his index as he climbs up to his body and seals his mouth in a searing kiss.

 

He smiles against Mark’s mouth when his husband groans heavily at the sting of the additional finger inside his ass—before kissing him deeper, swallowing all his groans as he gets lost at the feeling of Mark’s mouth against his, and his fingers deep inside his sweet tightness, wrapping and clenching around his fingers, his control slipping again as he moves his fingers rougher, harder, Mark’s lithe yet strong body trembling beneath him, his nails digging against the skin of his back.

 

“Gently… Jaebeom…”  Mark mumbles against his mouth when they pull away, breathing choppily and Jaebeom stops moving his fingers, kissing the corner of Mark’s mouth and pressing his forehead against his.  “Do it gently…”  Mark says again and Jaebeom nods, sliding his fingers in and out of Mark at a gentler, slower pace, his mouth pressing open-mouthed kisses against the sweaty skin of Mark’s neck, licking the skin from time to savour the elder’s sweet taste.

 

“Fuck, oh _God,_ there!”  Mark growls and his nails scratches Jaebeom’s back again as the younger presses tightly against his sweet spot, withdrawing his fingers just a little bit before shoving them back in and hitting the bundle of nerves inside his husband.

 

“More… Beommie…”  Mark whispers lowly against Jaebeom’s ear before licking on his ear, and Jaebeom thinks that he can never say no when Mark speaks to him in that way, so he didn’t waste any more time, he thinks that Mark’s hole had already adjusted quite well—so he adds another finger, thrusting them all at once until it’s buried deep inside him, his mouth devouring his husband’s once again, his other hand cradling his jaw and tilting his head to the side to find the perfect angle.

 

“Ahhh… Jaebeommie…”  Jaebeom buries his face at the crook of Mark’s neck.

 

“I’m here… should I move my fingers baby?”

 

“Yes please…”  Jaebeom nods against Mark’s neck as he starts moving his fingers in and out of Mark, slowly at first, but he is starting to lose patience because of how tight Mark feels around him, so he moved his fingers faster, and Mark seems to have sensed his husband’s impatience too, so he would thrust his hips up whenever Jaebeom hits his prostate, unintelligible words and cusses slipping out of his lips whenever Jaebeom’s fingers would hit that spot inside him, and Jaebeom keeps on humping Mark’s thigh, his own cock dying for attention and friction.  Mark sees his husband’s wrecked form so he sneaks a hand in between them to grab Jaebeom’s bulge, and the younger’s next thrust was sharp, his body trembling at the feeling of Mark’s fingers pumping him through his sweatpants.

 

“I need you… Jaebeom…”  He kisses the skin below Jaebeom’s ear.  “I need you to put your cock in me… Now…”  Jaebeom groans heavily against Mark’s neck at his husband’s crude words—he almost forgot how _great_ of a dirty talker Mark was, and it never fails to turn him the fuck on.

 

“Okay baby…”  Jaebeom presses a light kiss on Mark’s lips before sitting up, his fingers leaving Mark’s hole and Mark whines at the loss of contact, but quickly replaced by a moan when Jaebeom finally gets rid of his sweatpants, the younger groaning at the friction of his sweats against his hard dick, which is now standing fully erect against his stomach.  Mark continues to stare at Jaebeom’s dick amusedly, and Jaebeom wanted to tease him, but he remembers that it has been a while since they’ve seen each other naked, and he is sure that he mirrors his husband’s expression earlier today when he undressed his husband to the very last piece of clothing he was wearing.

 

Jaebeom took his time coating his dick with more lube, even after hearing Mark’s whine, his legs spreading even farther and presenting his stretched and dripping hole to him.

 

“Hurry up…”  Mark snarls as Jaebeom laughs, finally leaning closer to his husband’s body—his hand guiding the head of his dick towards Mark’s entrance.  Mark automatically wraps his arms around Jaebeom’s shoulders, locking them behind his neck as Jaebeom slowly inserts the head, and they both groan at the feeling.

 

“So tight…”  Jaebeom murmurs against Mark’s cheek, while Mark has his eyes closed and lower lip trapped between his teeth as Jaebeom continues to move, pushing his dick further into his body until he bottoms out, and Mark cries in both agony and pleasure, he cannot tell for sure which one is the more dominant emotion, his face buried against the side of Jaebeom’s neck.  Jaebeom stops moving even though he’s dying to, he knows Mark needs time to adjust to the intrusion that he hasn’t felt for almost two years.

 

“It’s going to be okay… Just relax, baby…”  Jaebeom cradles Mark face before kissing his tears away, wiping them before brushing his fringe that got stuck on his husband’s sweaty forehead, placing a few kisses there too as they continue to be connected.  Mark finally willed his body to calm down, so he prompts the younger to move by grinding his hips up gently.  Jaebeom then pulls out, slowly, surely, for a few inches before easing his way inside, thrusting in a slow, sensual rhythm, allowing Mark to feel the heavy drag of Jaebeom’s erection inside his tight and wet walls.

 

“God… You feel amazing…”  Jaebeom mutters against Mark’s mouth as his thrusts started to gain speed, but still a little slow for his liking, but that’s okay, as long as Mark is comfortable, he is willing to wait until the older is ready for a faster pace.

 

“You’re so big… _Fuck…_ Just like that… Jaebeom…”  Mark rumbles, his head thrown back which Jaebeom uses as an opportunity to place quick kisses and sucks on as he continues to pound into him, his hips faltering as he tries to build a slow, steady rhythm, but Mark’s walls are too damn tight that he is struggling to keep his control at bay.  It seems like everything about Mark being pliant under his touch and ministrations would always drive him insane.

 

“Faster, Beommie…”

 

“Are you sure?”  Jaebeom lifts his head to look at Mark in the eyes, “I don’t want to hurt you…”  He kisses Mark’s nose and the older nods, wrapping both of his legs high around his waist.

 

“You won’t hurt me… Just go faster… Please…”  Mark pushes Jaebeom’s body against him as he grinds up—making both of them groan at the feeling.  “Please, please, Jaebeom… Just move faster and _fuck me._ ”

 

The words sent a hot sizzle running down Jaebeom’s spine as he wraps an arm around his husband’s waist, while the other cradles his jaw to place a bruising kiss on his lips, his next thrusts sharp, hard, and fast, their sweaty bodies brushing against each other, the bed creaking and bouncing at the force of Jaebeom’s thrusts, and Mark digging his nails against Jaebeom’s shoulder and arm only added fuel to the flame, Jaebeom’s insides blazing with animalistic need to wreck the body beneath him and make him fall apart.

 

“ _Goddamit,_ Mark.”  Jaebeom continues to pound Mark against the bed with powerful thrusts in a punishing pace, the redhead’s moans and groans of his name telling him that Mark likes it, _loves it,_ if his heady gaze towards him is not enough indication.

 

“Harder…”  Mark’s hands are suddenly on Jaebeom’s ass, squeezing and kneading the globes of muscle, prompting the younger to continue fucking him _harder._

 

“As you wish, baby.”  Jaebeom grabs one of Mark’s legs before hooking it above his shoulder, pressing it against the elder’s chest, hitting deeper depths that made Mark cry out loud, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him until his knuckles turn white, the head of Jaebeom’s cock hitting his prostate head-on at the change of angle, and he is starting to fall apart, his whole body shaking at the intensity of Jaebeom’s plunges, and the younger is the same, his grip at the back of Mark’s leg and at the side of his hip almost bruising.

 

“Fuck… I’m close!”  Mark places one of his hands to tend to his dangling cock, but Jaebeom slaps it away, making him whine, but it was replaced by a moan when Jaebeom started jacking him off in sync with his excruciating thrusts, his husband not failing to hit that tender spot inside him, causing the heat to immediately gather at the bottom of his stomach, the knots unravelling as they continue to move together.  Jaebeom must’ve felt the heavy twitch on his husband’s dick so he moves closer to Mark, not too close because of Mark’s leg on his shoulder but enough to feel Mark’s choppy breaths against his lips.

 

“Cum for me, _Mark-hyung_.”

 

“Fuuuuck! FUCK!”  Mark suddenly exploded—Jaebeom calling him _hyung_ enough to set him off, his whole body quivering beneath the younger man, his sight blurry and ears ringing, his head falling back against the pillow as his orgasm sets his entire body in flames, and he hasn’t felt this way in years, this kind of orgasm, it is _mind-blowing_ , he feels like he’s falling apart, but in a good way.

 

Jaebeom came shortly after, seeing his husband reach his own end is more than enough to trigger his own climax.  He lets go of Mark’s leg and buries his cock deep inside Mark, his hips jerking slightly at every spurt of his cum, plastering himself on his husband’s sweaty and still shivering body, guiding the elder’s arms to wrap around him, which the older gladly did, holding on to Jaebeom with shaking arms, his hands locking on his back and legs behind his ass, their faces tuck in each other’s necks, breathing hotly and heavily as if they’ve run a marathon.  Jaebeom is still moving his hips to ride out both of their highs, his sticky hand finally stopping their frantic movements against Mark’s dick, plopping it on the side as he massages Mark’s hips using his clean hand.

 

That’s when Jaebeom had realized something that he should’ve acknowledged a while back.

 

He cannot let Mark go, he can’t leave him, he _needs_ him, he needs Mark, his husband who he promised to love and protect until his last breath, he needs his husband more than anything in this world.

 

_He loves Mark._

 

He loves Mark so much that he feels stupid for even suggesting that divorce in the first place. 

 

 

“ _I love you_ …”  Jaebeom kisses Mark’s neck, his tears running down his face as he laughs quietly, he feels crazy, crazy with feels, but he doesn’t pull away.  “I’m sorry, _baby,_ I love you so much.  I can’t let you go, I won’t leave you, and I won’t divorce you, _ever.”_ He nuzzles Mark’s collarbone, his hand climbing up to the base of Mark’s rib, drawing small circles as he continues to murmur sweet nothings against Mark’s wet skin.

 

“I love you, _Mark Tuan-Lim_.  Let’s not continue with the divorce, I’ll burn the papers immediately… Don’t leave me… I love you… Please forgive me…” Jaebeom kisses Mark’s neck one more time before lifting his head up to gauge Mark’s reaction, only to find his husband already sleeping soundly—his long eyelashes fluttering against his cheek and his mouth letting out slow, even breaths.

 

Jaebeom wants to be disappointed that Mark hasn’t heard his heartfelt confession, but he can’t with Mark looking so beautiful yet tired after their rather _extreme_ night.  He immediately pulls out of his husband and rushes to the bathroom to grab a towel before running it on warm water.  He goes back to the bedroom to find Mark still sleeping.  He cleans him up slowly, trying to avoid touching any sensitive area, before removing the soiled sheets and replacing them without having to move Mark too much.

 

Jaebeom goes back to the bathroom to splash some water on his face before staring at himself.  Tomorrow, he would tell Mark everything that he had said a few minutes ago, he would cook for Mark breakfast, take him to work, then plan a romantic dinner for the two of them, and later that night, they would tear the divorce papers apart and he would make sweet love to his husband over and over again.

 

The brunette hides his face in his hands even though no one is actually seeing him, he can feel his face flush just at the thought of going out on a date with Mark and confessing to him again.  He feels like a college student once more when he initially confessed to Mark.

 

He quickly wipes his face with a dry towel before heading back inside the room, picking up his sweatpants on the floor and putting it on, before lying next to Mark’s sleeping form, pressing a small kiss at the corner of his mouth and his nose, before snuggling him, and his husband suddenly turns to his side and lays half of his body on top of him, his face buried in his neck.  Jaebeom wraps an arm around his beautiful husband’s shoulder, his lips pressing a kiss on the elder’s head.

 

“Good night, baby.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

When Jaebeom wakes up the next morning, the first thing he noticed is the warmth of another body missing beside him, or on top of him.

 

_Oh._

 

He opens his eyes slowly before taking in his surroundings, and he figures that Mark is not on the bed next to him.  He checks the clock and it says 7:00 AM, he wonders where Mark had gone to that early, but he just assumes that Mark has an early shift today and might’ve left earlier than usual, so he shrugs and just goes to the bathroom to shower quickly and prepare for work.

 

He was about to grab his toothbrush from the cup holder near the sink when he noticed that Mark’s toothbrush isn’t there on the cup holder.

 

_What?  Did he change his toothbrush?_

 

Jaebeom tries to tamp down his panic but failed big time when he started opening the small cabinet on the wall on top of the sink, and his eyes grew wide when he finds all of Mark’s personal vanity items _gone_ as well. 

_What the actual fuck is this?_  

 

Jaebeom almost trips as he rushes to get out of the bathroom with still wet feet and body before pulling their closet doors open, only to find more than half of Mark’s clothes missing.

 

_No, this can’t be happening._

He opens another closet that consists mostly of their bags and luggage, and he sobs when he finds Mark’s red, huge luggage that he uses when they visit the US, missing as well _._

_Oh God._

 

Jaebeom steps outside quickly—shouting his husband’s name in agony, over and over, hoping that Mark is just there in the kitchen preparing his food, and the missing items are just a product of his imagination.  He couldn’t possibly leave like that, right?  Not after last night, not after what they’ve shared for the last week or so.  Mark will not dare leave him, not now, right?

 

He goes to where Nora and Coco are and finds them in the foyer, and that’s when he found out Mark’s shoes aren’t there too, and only left those that he had given him as presents.  The brown, low cut boots he had given him on their 3rd anniversary, as well as black sneakers they use to share a lot because it’s too comfortable. 

 

He sees their daughters Coco and Nora by the door, Nora clawing at the wooden surface while Coco is just sniffing the floor.

 

So, Mark really did leave, didn’t he?

 

Jaebeom feels like he was punched at the gut.  His husband is gone… without him even saying goodbye, or _anything,_ to him.

 

_Mark has left and he’s not even sure if he’s coming back, or if he wants to come back._

 

Jaebeom holds on to the wall to support his weight when he figures his legs and knees are shaking.  He wanted to make himself believe that Mark just left to the grocery or for work, but with all his things gone?  It’s getting harder and harder to imagine or hold on to that little hope.

 

But Jaebeom cannot do anything right now but just to try, right?

 

So he goes back to the room to grab his phone and call Mark, ask him where the fuck he is and why his things are gone, willing his wobbly limbs to cooperate _just this one time._ He was about to grab his phone on the bedside table when he notices a folded sheet of paper right next to it.

 

_What is this?_

 

He grabs the paper in haste, and swallows the lump in his throat when he sees his name written in the middle of the paper.

 

_To: Lim Jaebeom_

 

He is overly familiar with his husband’s handwriting so he is sure that this is from him, but he is suddenly afraid of what would welcome him once he starts reading the letter.  However, his curiosity is getting the most out of him, as well as the nerves he can’t hold on any longer, so he opens the letter with slightly shaking hands after sitting on the edge of the bed and started reading.

 

 

_My dearest Lim Jaebeom,_

_I am certain that by the time you had read this letter, I had already boarded the plane, flying far away from you and from Korea._

_Yes, I am going back to LA, Jaebeom-ah._

_It has been 30 days and… since you haven’t expressed any interest in withdrawing the divorce, then I assume that this is it, we are really divorcing._

_Which is why I left.  I guess this is the best thing to do at this point, and would work well for you and me, as I am not sure if I can… Can recover quickly if I am to stay in the same country where you are.  I hope that’s something you would understand, and thinking that it’s something either of us would do eventually once everything has been finalized._

_We had already signed the divorce papers since Day 1 but if you need my other documents, you can find them all in the second drawer of the bed side table._

_The day has come, Jaebeom-ah, you will finally be a free man, you will finally have another chance to be happy._

_I wanted to say goodbye to you personally, but I am sure that I won’t be able to face you since I might break down and even ask something ridiculous of you, so I’d chosen to leave quietly, while you were sleeping, so that I won’t need to see your beautiful face and eventually stop me from leaving._

_I have a few things that I wanted to say to you now that we are finally divorcing, these are the things that I didn’t have the courage or strength to tell you personally._

_First of all, Jaebeom-ah, I wanted to say thank you for everything.  Thank you for being such a wonderful boyfriend and husband for the last 10 years.  Thank you for being my constant support even when we were still friends, and during the first years of us being a couple, for always protecting me and giving me strength when I felt like giving up.  Thank you for encouraging me to pursue the art business that I had been wanting to put up since we got married, which is, right now, very successful, all thanks to my loving husband who had told me to go on with it, telling me that I am knowledgeable and intelligent enough to make it work, which it did, eventually.  Thank you for taking care of Coco, even though I know that you’re not really fond of dogs, you still treated her as your daughter and showered her love just like how you showed your deepest love to our first daughter, Nora.  Thank you for teaching me how to cook because God knows I can’t cook anything aside from instant noodles and boiled eggs, where eventually you told me that I can already rival your cooking, which, I am still adamant about, especially when I remember how delicious your kimchi jjigae and kimchi fried rice are, it’s still something that I can’t achieve.  Thank you for loving my family as if they’re yours, to the point that they love you more than me (pfft), and for always adoring my nieces and nephew.  Thank you for being wonderful husband and best friend to me._

_Thank you, Jaebeom, for marrying me, for choosing me as your partner in life, a simple, skinny, quiet, and always embarrassed exchange student who has broken Korean, even just for a few years._

_I will not deny, but I will surely miss you, a lot, Jaebeom.  I will miss your dino laugh and how your eyes would turn into slits whenever you smile widely or laugh your ass out over something stupid, how you would show me your beaver smile whenever I’m upset or feeling down, how you would hug me and whisper sweet nothings to my ear whenever I cook something in the kitchen, or at night when we sleep together.  We may not be making love for a long time anymore, but having you next to me when I sleep is always comforting, your warmth next to me is always more than enough to send my worries away, to always give me a good night’s sleep with just your mere presence.  I will miss how you would take care of our babies whenever I’m out for a business trip and you would Facetime us to show how you had taken care of them carefully._

_I will miss_ you.  _Your whole being, your touch, your eyes, your tall nose, the two moles beneath your eyebrow, your lips, the way they caress mine, my skin, everything.  I will miss everything about you, Jaebeom.  The things that I see in this house always reminded me of you, the sofa that we bought when he first moved in, the bedside that was gifted to us by Jinyoung, the cat tower that Bambam gave to her on her 7th birthday, the ref magnets of the countries and cities we visited before… they all reminded me of you._

_I wanted to be selfish at one point.  I wanted to argue with you and yell at you, be mad at you for doing this to me, for breaking all the promises that you made when we’re still together, the vows you delivered when we got married, the “I will be with you forever” and that “I will love you always.”.  I wanna punch you in the face to remind you of what you said, and how heartless of you to do this, to not consider how I feel and just decide for yourself that a divorce is the only way on how this can be solved, but I_ can’t _.  I can’t do that to you, Jaebeom, I love you too much to be selfish and only think about myself.  I love you too much that I can’t bear you being with me just out of obligation and a written contract.  I don’t want you being stuck with me just because we are bounded by marriage, no.  I can’t do that to you.  If you wish to be free from this, I have no other choice but to let you go.  I may be hurt, I might suffer, because I don’t know how I am going to move forward without you by my side because I had always pictured us together until the end, but I have to be strong.  For you, for me, for us.  If divorcing you would make you happy, I am willing to sacrifice, and as long as you are happy, I will be happy.  It’s going to take a while to get there, sure, but I will be happy for you nonetheless._

_There are a lot of things that I regret this past two years that we both had noticed the change in the way we treat and interact with each other.  It made me think about the possible mistakes that I did, what made you fall out, what made you think that you don’t love me anymore.  I guess there’s no point to know it now, since we are divorcing anyway.  Or maybe I can try to figure it out myself when I assess the situations we’ve been through now that I am alone.  I guess by then I would know, and I can wallow in my own misery, at least you wouldn’t be bothered anymore._

_Jaebeom-ah, how I wish I was a better husband.  I wish that I am good enough, or more than enough, because if I was, you would definitely not slip off of my fingers.  I wish I treated you better, I wish I was more expressive of how I feel, I wish I had been more patient, I had been more loving, I wished I had told you every day I love you.  I should’ve kissed you, hugged you, and comforted you even though you might not like them.  I wish I had shown you how much you mean to me.  I wish I was better, I wish that I am that husband that would make his partner stay and not leave.  I wish I was the husband that will not be worth leaving.  I am sorry.  I am sorry for not being good enough, that you eventually decided to leave and be happy somewhere else.  I am sorry to that you need to suffer being with me for so long and made you realize I am not the one you want, when you could’ve spent it alone… or with someone else.  I am sorry that I am lacking… I will give it my all to turn back time and correct the mistakes I’ve made.  But I guess it’s too late for all of that…_

_I wish you all the best, Jaebeom-ah.  I will not change my US number until the divorce has been completed, in case you would need anything from me to sign or to do.  But… after that… I might change everything… or maybe keep it?  Who knows…? I don’t know entirely._

_Please take care of Coco and Nora.  I wanted to bring Coco with me, but we both know that she had always liked you more than me.  I can’t take Nora either, because I know how much you like her.  So I am leaving both of them to you.  I know you will take good care of them.  I will miss them so much too.  They had seen our journey.  I just hope that they won’t miss their Daddy too much :) But with a loving Papa like you, I know they wouldn’t even notice that I am gone :’)_

_I won’t ask anything from you, even money when the partition of our properties and money had been made.  You can keep everything.  But if you insist, you can have Youngjae talk to me and discuss things.  But I’d rather not have anything, I will be okay.  You know I had kept the house in LA, right?  That should be fine._

_And… I don’t know if this will still change anything, but I will say in nonetheless…_

_I still love you, Jaebeom-ah.  I don’t think I can ever love someone else as much as I love you.  I know for sure the moment I said my “I do” when we got married, that you’re the only one whom I will say those words to.  No one else.  I love you so much so I am setting you free.  For you to find yourself, find another person who would make you feel complete, whole, and to love, and be loved again.  I love you so much to keep being with you.  You deserve more than this, you deserve more than_ me.  _I wanted to be that one for you, I wanted to be the one who would make you whole, but, people change, and feelings change, and you know and I know that I will never be the one._

_Please remember to take care of yourself all the time, Jaebeom-ah.  You tend to overwork at times, please consider your health above everything else.  I had told Jinyoung and Youngjae to look after you, just in case (don’t be mad at them!).  Jackson still… needs time to think through things, but I am sure he will come by eventually._

_Jaebeom-ah, I hope that you will find the happiness and the love that you truly deserve._

_Goodbye, my love._

_Mark Tuan_

~*~


	2. 02.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mark thinks that this marriage might end, but he knows that he won’t be able to forget this man, this man who had been his world, the man whom he would always love to kiss just like this, to hold, to take care of, to live the rest of his life with, the man whom he hopes would come back to him, to love him again, and consider him as his partner in life once again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your support in this fic! And since you had requested a sequel or a next part, here it is! This is a little longer than the previous one and despite me going over this fic multiple times, I am certain there are still tons of grammatical errors so my apologies in advance...
> 
> Please enjoy this one!

Mark tucks in his passport and ticket inside his bag while he finds his sister’s number on his phone.  He finds a secluded area in the airport and takes a seat—pressing the phone against his ear as he waits for his sister to pick up.

 

His flight was supposed to be at 6:00 AM—but the airline just announced an hour delay to the already almost 12-hour flight, making Mark’s head and body ache even worse.  On top of the 3-hour sleep that he got last night, he was also standing for more than an hour at the immigrations, as well as the line for check-in, and he is trying his hardest not to snap at the crew lady who had announced that there has been a slight problem with the scheduling that led to the delay.  There is a reason why he chose the earliest flight, and now that it’s gonna get delayed, he is pissed, because all he wanted is to run away from this place, far away from the place where he had called _home_ for the last decade at the soonest time possible.

 

“Mark?”  His sister finally answered on the other line with that usual cheerful voice of hers.  “I thought you’re boarding at 6?”

 

“Nah… Flight is delayed, sis.  It’s moved to 7:00 AM.”

 

“Oh, that sucks.  Is Jaebeom okay?  I know he doesn’t like waiting, right?”  Tammy asks and Mark sucks in a huge breath, he had forgotten to tell his sister that he’s coming back to LA _alone,_ not with his now _ex-husband._

“It’s just me, sis… Jaebeom is not with me.”

 

“Oh, why?  Is he busy?”  Tammy asks and Mark can hear Leila asking her mother who is she talking to and Tammy says it’s Uncle Mark and that she’ll have her talk to him after they are finished talking.  “Is he out of the country again?”

 

“N-no, he’s not…”  Mark bites his lower lip, he can’t tell Tammy right now, not over the phone.  “He’s just busy so he can’t come.”  He says, choosing to prolong the agony and just let it all out once he’s _home,_ so that he wouldn’t need to repeat himself and have just one discussion with her about everything.

 

“That’s sad though… Will you be okay then?  It’s gonna be a long travel.  Grab something to eat first or take a quick rest at the waiting area.”  She advises and Mark just hums an affirmative.

 

“You sounded so tired and… down, Mark.  Is everything okay?”  Mark can sense the worry in his sister’s voice and he almost breaks down, even when they’re miles apart, Tammy would never fail to notice if something’s up with his voice alone.

 

“Y-yeah…”

 

“Are you sure?  You’re coming here in a day’s notice and Jaebeom is not with you—are you sure nothing happened between you and Jaebeom?”  Tammy hit the jackpot and Mark bites his lip harshly, hoping for Tammy to just stop asking and wait for him to just come home, he _can’t_ and most definitely _won’t_ cry in front of all these people at the airport.

 

“Tammy…” He says, just one word, but filled with unsaid emotions and pain and he hears his sister let out a sigh of understanding.

 

“I know something is up… I’ll let you talk once you’re here then.  Take a rest, let me know once you’ve boarded the plane, okay sweetie?”

 

“Will do, thank you, sis.”

 

“Anything, Mark.”

 

They talk some more about timings and what time would they need to fetch him at the airport, at the same time apologizing to her since he will arrive at the wee hours of the morning in LA, but she assured him that it’s not a problem.  Leila also greeted him and he talked in his cheerful tone, trying to hide the sadness in his voice, which already lessened a bit upon talking to his sister and niece.

 

They both finally said goodbye after a few more reassurances (mainly from Tammy)—and okays and affirmatives from Mark.  Mark just stared at his phone before putting it inside his pocket, plugging in his earphones and blasted some music to ease his cloudy mind.

 

He checks on the time and, in about an hour and a half, Jaebeom will wake up and would find most of his stuff gone, and he must’ve seen his letter by then, and maybe going to Youngjae’s place after work to finalize everything as planned.

 

His head still cannot wrap around the fact that he is not with Jaebeom anymore.  He might’ve acted strong the last 30 days, and maybe hoped that the things he requested Jaebeom to do might change his mind… But he was wrong.

 

At least he tried.  If Jaebeom still feels the same even after them being close, then he should accept that.

 

As if he was reminded by his sister’s words for him to grab something to eat, he immediately stands up from his seat and finds a place to grab a bite, and at the same time, trying to think of what to do for the next hour of waiting.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Is there something wrong, Mark?”  Jaebeom asks Mark when he goes home a little late one night, sitting next to him on their couch before wrapping his arms around his husband’s wide shoulders and nuzzling his face on the crook of his neck.

 

“Nothing…”  He kisses Jaebeom’s skin, and the younger automatically leans closer to accommodate the older man, prompting his husband to sit on his lap, the book he’s reading being thrown haphazardly on the floor as he engulfs the older in a hug, his arms around his waist and Mark automatically circles his legs around Jaebeom’s hips, while he continues to hide in his husband’s neck.

 

“It’s about that Art business again, right?”

 

Mark didn’t say anything, he just continued breathing in his husband’s musky scent.

 

“You know that I have no qualms with that, right?  Why don’t you push through with it?  I know you can do it, baby.  You always do your best in anything.  You have prospective clients already, right?  And this Yugyeom guy already signed up to be one of your freelance artists, as well as your colleagues Seungyoon and Mino, you know they’ll be willing to help you out, right?”  Jaebeom says but Mark is not convinced that he can make it.  He needs to leave his full-time job as an artist at an enterprise-level company that pays well if he would focus on this business.  Jaebeom is being paid more than enough to support both of them as an Executive Producer at an entertainment company, but he doesn’t want his husband to bear all the burden if ever the Art business fails.

 

“I’m still troubled… I really wanna do it but… what if I fail?  I would risk a good-paying job, Jaebeom-ah.  And this house is still on mortgage for the next three years or so… What if we finally decide to have children and I will be jobless?  What if—”

 

“ _Baby_ …”  Jaebeom interrupts him by pushing his face from his neck and looking at him in the eyes.  “Just an FYI—the house will be ours in a year, I had paid majority of the remaining balance that time when both Twice and Stray Kids rocked their new releases, remember?”  Mark’s eyes widened at that, _no_ , he doesn’t remember that.

 

“Wh-when did you do that?”

 

“Three months ago, baby, I told you that before we went to the Philippines for the summer…”  He kisses his husband’s forehead.  “And why do you always think that you’ll fail?  You’re the best in what you do, your company admires your art so much, and I can see that if you wish to do freelancing soon, you’ll be able to get them as your client again, then you will earn more…”  Jaebeom explains and Mark just sighs, why does his husband have to make sense all the time?

 

“I’ll think about it… Can we just stay like this for the meantime, please?”  Mark kisses Jaebeom’s lips and the younger smiles, amused, but just nods, hoping that his husband would finally do what he wants.  He is clearly unhappy with the situation at his current company, and being able to own a business and be an artist at the same time is something that he had been wanting to do ever since.

 

“Anything you want, baby.”

 

 

 

Mark eventually caved in and finally considered his husband’s proposition as well as his own dreams a few weeks after they had last talked about the issue.  Mark started by finding prospects and creating a website for their business after the legalities had been dealt with.  He had also seek help from one of his artist friends in LA so that they can try to branch out there.

 

A few months after Mark had launched his business, it is safe to say that it had been really successful.  His freelancers, Yugyeom, Mino, and Seungyoon had managed to close deals and present fantastic artworks to local clients, and started gathering their own pool of companies to support, and while Mark deals with logistics and money—he also gathered quite a few clients so that he can still practice his art.

 

Jaebeom has been so proud of Mark since his husband gets to do what he wanted since they were still students, even though his husband had been busier than usual, he is proud that the older is finally living his dream.

 

Mark had been really busy the last few months, travelling back and forth from Korea to LA, mostly, wherein he would leave Jaebeom behind since he also has work, but they continued to talk over Facetime, especially when Mark would miss Coco and Nora after a week of being away from them.  Jaebeom would always pout that he would only want to do a video call because of their pets, but Mark would assure him that he misses him too, and he would definitely prove it once he’s back to Korea.

 

As months go by and the travels, meetings, as well as Mark and Jaebeom’s busyness had increased, little did the two of them know that they’re unknowingly avoiding each other, forgetting the habits they were initially used to, and the promises they made for each other slowly being cracked piece by piece by their own hands.

 

~*~

 

 

Mark was preparing for bed at his hotel room when he suddenly heard knocks from the other side of the door.  He looks through the peephole and sees his _future husband_ holding a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine on his right hand, and two glasses on the other.  He is also tapping his foot against the carpeted floor rather impatiently, and Mark cannot help but snicker at his fiancé’s temper.

 

“Beom-ah, you’re not supposed to see me before the wedding!  What are you doing here?”  He shouts through the door and he sees Jaebeom take a few steps forward to lean closer against the door.

 

“I haven’t seen you since last night, _baby._ I can’t sleep.  And I miss you.  I brought your favorite wine?  Let’s just have a few drinks?  Please?”

 

“Jackson and Jinyoung were supposed to guard you, how come you managed to escape them?”

 

“Jackson is busy flirting with the girl he saw at the bar where we spent the night and Jinyoung was already sleeping.  They didn’t even exert any effort in guarding me.”  Jaebeom scoffs before trying to take a quick peek through the hole even though he won’t see anything.  “Baby, please, open up?”

 

“No.”  Mark is trying to muffle his snickers and he hears Jaebeom’s whine as he hears small taps on the door, and he found out that Jaebeom is actually kicking it with his foot.  He can be such a big _baby_ sometimes.

 

“Maaaark… It’s getting cold and _scary_ out here!  Please let your fiancé in!”  Jaebeom continues to whine that eventually sent Mark giggling like a school girl, finally opening the door and welcoming his future husband with open arms.  He hugs the still pouting Jaebeom when they both finally entered his room, kissing his neck and looking up to kiss the younger’s pout away.

 

“My baby is so cuuuuute!”  Mark reaches up to pinch on Jaebeom’s puffed cheek, and Jaebeom just rolled his eyes in amusement, but his mouth twitched up on the side when Mark places another loud, wet kiss on his lips, and Mark knows he has won the game.  He leads both of them further inside after shutting the door close, instructing Jaebeom to drop the bucket of ice with wine on the small table near the bed as well as the glasses, before they both sit on the edge of the bed, side by side.

 

Jaebeom just stares at him with fondness before he reaches for Mark’s nape, giving it a light squeeze and pressing their foreheads together, brushing his nose against Mark’s a few times until it sends the older giggling once again.  Mark then scrunches his nose, jutting his lips out so that his boyfriend would get the message, which he did, and the younger presses his lips against his softly, gently, before pulling away and pressing a another soft kiss on his cheek.

 

“I can’t believe the day has finally arrived…”  Jaebeom breathes in the elder’s neck while wrapping both of his arms around Mark’s waist, and Mark immediately tangles his fingers on Jaebeom’s hair.  “You’ll finally be my husband…”  Jaebeom looks up to kiss Mark’s nose.

 

“Though we really shouldn’t be together right now though, my Mom mentioned that this might bring us bad luck, as per the Chinese beliefs…”  Mark says and Jaebeom laughs at that, not really a believer of those things, and Mark is the same, actually.

 

“I know… But I just want to spend the rest of the night with you… This is the last night we’ll just be boyfriends, tomorrow, we’re _husbands_ already, and so, we should celebrate, right?”  Jaebeom stands up and opens the bottle of wine that he brought with him, filling the two glasses and going back to where he was sitting next to Mark and handing the older his glass of wine.  Both of them took a sip, and Mark cannot help but giggle through his glass.

 

“Is something funny?”  Jaebeom asks as he scoots closer to Mark, kissing the side of his head and intertwining their unoccupied hands together.

 

“Nothing… You just _always_ give lame ass excuses as always…”  Mark takes another sip from his drink and Jaebeom snorts at him.

 

“Do you not want to see me that much?”  He fake pouts again when Mark continues drinking his wine while nodding in response to his question.  Jaebeom’s eyes turned into slits as he gulps the rest of his drink and placing the glass on the floor before grabbing his husband’s hips and effortlessly placing him on his lap, which made the older let out a loud squeal, his hold on his glass tightening so that he won’t spill the contents on his overly white bed sheets and on his future husband, his arms rounding on the younger’s neck automatically.

 

“Jaebeom!  I could’ve spilled this wine all over _you_ and these precious sheets, geez!”  He scolds and Jaebeom just smirks at him.

 

“Well… You could’ve just cleaned everything off of me then, you think?”  He brushes his lips over Mark’s and the older pulls away to prevent Jaebeom from kissing him.

 

“You idiot—”  Mark gets cut off when Jaebeom suddenly presses their mouths together in a fervid kiss, Jaebeom’s hand cradling his jaw tightly while the other is around his slim waist that is covered by his satin robe, and Mark can’t help but moan against his boyfriend’s mouth when the hand lowers to his ass, giving it a harsh squeeze.

 

“No underwear… I see…”  Jaebeom pulls away to nuzzles Mark’s cheek, while the older started to push his ass back against Jaebeom’s hand, biting his lower lip when Jaebeom licks his ear.

 

“I wasn’t able to wear one since you’re already by the door.”  He moans at the suck Jaebeom delivered below his ear, one of his sensitive spots, as Jaebeom continues to knead on his almost bare ass, and he smirks against the skin when he feels Mark’s dick hardening against his stomach.

 

“You feel amazing in satin…”  Jaebeom mouths the words against his neck, and Mark is slowly losing control of his body, the glass he’s holding about to slip out of his hand, his hips moving in circular motions against his fiancé’s lap and continuously throwing his ass back to his touch, at the same time rubbing satin-covered dick over Jaebeom’s clothed abs.

 

“J-Jaebeom…”  He pushes against his boyfriend’s chest and Jaebeom looks up to him, confused.  He wiggles the glass in his hand and Jaebeom just nods, prompting Mark to drink everything, which he gladly followed, his fiancé’s eyes staring at how his throat bobs with every swallow he makes. 

 

When the final drop of wine hits Mark’s tongue, Jaebeom immediately steals the glass away from his hand, dropping it on the floor before pulling Mark’s face towards him in another round of heated kiss, both of their mouths a little cold and tasted like the wine they just drank, and Mark cannot help but push himself against Jaebeom to feel his body against him closer and closer.

 

The couple spent the entire night making love to each other endlessly—as if they have all the time in the world, as if it’s not their wedding the next day.  They were both tired when they’re done, the mess in their bodies and the sheets ignored vehemently as they both fell asleep due to exhaustion—arms and legs tangled around each other.

 

Their rather peaceful sleep was interrupted when they heard endless knocking from the door the next morning.  Mark wakes up first when the knocks became more insistent and loud, and after putting on his boxers and wrapping his robe securely around his body, proceeds to the door and opening it without preamble, seeing his best friends by the door with unamused looks on their faces (which didn’t surprise Mark at all).

 

Jackson immediately comes in to drag the still sleepy and naked Jaebeom from the bed, prompting him to wear his robe before pushing him out the door with a series of rants and grunts when Jaebeom attempted to get out of the younger’s muscular arms around him, pouting at Mark and begging to be saved, but Jackson is determined to separate them from each other, since in just four hours, they’re going to get married, for _real,_ and that they need to get prepared and not be distracted by each other.

 

When the door finally closes and his fiancé and best friend is already out of sight, he sees Jinyoung slowly crossing his arms on his chest and giving him that _look._

 

“You sly fox, tonight was supposed to be the hot, steamy night!”  Jinyoung slaps Mark’s ass over his robe, the sound resonating against his hotel room.

 

“Aww that freaken hurt, Jinyoungie!!” Mark growls but eventually laughs out loud when Jinyoung hits him again, but now with an amused smile on his face.  He lays back on his bed while Jinyoung sits on the chair next to it—and Mark looks at him and asks why he’s not sitting on the bed.

 

“Are you serious?  You two prolly haven’t changed the sheets.  I don’t want to be in contact with any of your—ugh—bodily fluids!”  Jinyoung fake gagged and shivers just at the thought.  Mark laughs hard and loud before grabbing a pillow and throwing it on Jinyoung’s face, the younger cursing at him with all his might and kicking the pillow so that it falls right back on the bed without him touching it.

 

“You’re fucking gross, hyung!”  Jinyoung wanted to slap Mark once again but Mark suddenly turned serious, staring at the ceiling with his arms stretched on either side of him.

 

“I still can’t believe it, Jinyoungie.  Jaebeom and I are finally getting married!”  He sits up to look at Jaebeom’s best friend’s face, who’s now smiling at him endearingly.

 

“This is how it will come to eventually anyway, right?”  He confirms and Mark smiles at that.

 

“Thank you for being with us the entire time, Jinyoungie.  I should really thank you and Jackson because if it’s not for the two of you, Jaebeom might still be dancing around in circles and reveling in the idea that I don’t like him in that way and would never ask me out.  I almost did it myself!”  He cackles and Jinyoung laughs with his hand covering his mouth.

 

“I know.  That idiot.  He was so in love but he chose to… Ugh, remember that embarrassing sleepover when he cuddled you?  Then he disappeared the next morning because he was so humiliated to face you.  Fucking idiot who’s head over heels for you.”  Jinyoung shakes his head and Mark just smiles, clearly remembering that wonderful night.

 

“Okay, enough with the history, you really should get prepared, your sister’s wife would be here to do your make up while Tammy does Jaebeom’s—”

 

“Why is Tammy not with me?  She told me she would do my make up!  That traitor!!!!”

 

“Don’t be surprised, she admires Jaebeom more than you, it’s pretty obvious!”

 

“Jinyoungie!!!”

 

 

_“Hyung…?”_

_“Mark-yah?”_

_“Hey, Mark??”_

Mark snaps out of his reverie when he hears voices calling his name, and he notices a hand waving in front of his face.  He finds himself staring at his laptop, which shows his emails and his hands are on top of the keys about to type something, but he guesses he lost himself somewhere when he was brought back to the past.

 

_I guess I’m remembering these wonderful memories after what happened last night._

He looks around to find Yugyeom, Mino, and Seungyoon looking at him with deep concern etched on their faces.

 

“Are you okay, hyung?”  Yugyeom says and Seungyoon turns his gaze towards his computer before looking back at him.

 

“We were actually asking why you’re here.  You told us you’ll be working from home for the rest of the week, right?”  His colleague said and Mark shakes his head to clear the haze in his mind before smiling at them.

 

“I’m okay… I just… I… I wanna be here…”  He looks up and meets Seungyoon’s unconvinced eyes, but he didn’t say anything.

 

“Ohhh is it because you miss us, Mark-yah?”  Mino gives Mark a back hug and Mark gives his shoulder a squeeze and Yugyeom joins in on them and hugged Mark as well, and he doesn’t regret his decision to come here even though he was emotionally exhausted from last night, because he really needs distractions just like this.

 

They were right when they said that he was supposed to work from home that week but… what happened last night made him change his mind.  He needs to be somewhere apart from home for the rest of the week, at least, until him and Jaebeom meets up with Youngjae to have the divorce fully talked about.

 

“So if you miss us that much, what are you waiting for?  Let’s go out for lunch!  We’ll treat you because you always treat us anyway!  Come on Mark-yah!”  Mino grabs his arm while Yugyeom grabs the other, leaving him no choice but to come with them, his other friend Seungyoon trailing behind and just shaking his head.

 

The lunch and the coffee break was fun as always, especially when he’s with his usual work buddies.  The rest of his co-workers had a piece of cookie which they all bought from the nearby café, and was distributed by the youngest, Yugyeom.  When the work hours are almost over, he sees Seungyoon approaching him while he’s looking out the window inside his office, lost in his own thoughts once again.

 

“Are you okay, Mark-yah?”  Seungyoon asks him and Mark blinks quite a few times before looking at the slightly younger man, nodding his head and shifting his gaze towards the window once again.  He hears Seungyoon let out an amused laugh before he speaks up.

 

“I know something’s up, _boss.’_ Mark can’t help but smile before he pushes at Seungyoon’s shoulder playfully.

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“It’s the truth though.”  Seungyoon puts his hands inside the pocket of his jeans—looking to his side, and Mark can feel his eyes on him the whole time.

 

“I’m okay… It’s… Not anything I can’t handle, don’t worry about it.”  He smiles at him and Seungyoon just looked at him, turning his body to the side and leaning against the wall.

 

“It’s because of Jaebeom, isn’t it?”  Mark tried not to show the younger male that his whole body just tensed up with the question.  Seungyoon had met his husband quite a few times, along with Mino and Yugyeom, and they share the love for music, though Seungyoon needed to quit doing music because of his love for Arts, but they had a share of jam nights at Mark and Jaebeom’s house.

 

Mark chose to stay silent, not sure what to tell Seungyoon.  No one in the company knows about any of his marital problems, so the younger having a hint on what his problem is about kind of bothers him.

 

“You don’t need to be worried, _hyung,_ I don’t know anything… It’s just… an intelligent guess…”  Seungyoon scratched his head and Mark looks at him amusedly.

 

“I mean… We haven’t seen Jaebeom-ssi in a while… We never hung out anymore, and you barely talk about him for… quite a some time now… so I just thought that… Maybe—”

 

“It’s okay…”  Mark clears his throat before facing the younger.  “Yeah... We—we’re just… in a little difficult situation right now but… we should be fine, we’ll get out of this just fine… I’m sure…”

 

Seungyoon just stared at him, assessing his body language before closing his eyes and letting out a huge breath.

 

“If you say so… but if you need someone to talk to, you know you have us, right?  We can always drink to that, boss!”  Seungyoon pats his back and Mark pushes him again before muttering a thank you and a playful get out.  The younger finally walks away and he was left alone once again, the things he said to Seungyoon lingering and echoing inside his head.

 

The truth is, he is not really _sure_ if this issue they’re having is going to be solved the way he wanted to.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“He _what_?”

 

When Mark goes to bed after that rather short but terrifying conversation with Youngjae and his husband, he immediately showers, grabs his phone and dials his best friend’s number.  He is also not surprised at his best friend’s reaction the moment he tells him about him and his husband’s plans of them divorcing.

 

“H-he… asked for a divorce, Jacks…”

 

“And what?  You just agreed?”  Jackson’s voice becomes louder and louder over the phone, and Mark closed his eyes to try to tamp down the heavy emotions resurfacing.  He tries to calm down since he knows Jackson just cares about him too much, and he doesn’t want to bother him further, he just doesn’t want to blindside his best friend, and, at the same time, he wanted to let the feelings out since he has already kept them for the last few days.

 

“I… I… Well…”

 

“Don’t tell me you just… You just said yes?  Mark?”

 

Mark was just about to say something when his best friend already interrupted him with a series of rants as usual.

 

“Mark, you should’ve told him what you feel, divorce is a mutual agreement between two people, and it’s not just him who should decide about what to do!  Does he not have any other options in mind?  He just resorted to divorce immediately?  What the hell was Jaebeom-hyung thinking?!”  He can feel Jackson’s anger seeping through his voice, even just over the telephone, and he really can’t blame him, because that is exactly how he feels too, and he wanted to voice that out that night, but he can’t seem to open his mouth, the words are being stuck inside his throat as usual.

 

“What am I supposed to do?  I… I tried telling him… I can’t let it out…”  He speaks, his voice trembling, but he swallows his sobs and his best friend must’ve sensed the crack in his voice because the younger instantly calms down, letting out a huge sigh before he asks him what exactly happened, now in a much softer and a little less angry tone.

 

“Well… He asked me if I need time to think about it… But he also made it clear that his decision is final… So I really don’t know… I… I am lost, Jacks.”  Mark rubs his eyes tiredly, and Jackson lets out a hum once again, the elder’s words making sense to him, though he still doesn’t fully understand Jaebeom.

 

“When are you two meeting the lawyer?  And did he get Youngjae to handle this case?”  Jackson asks and Mark lets out a light chuckle.

 

“He did get Youngjae, we just spoke with him earlier today, Jaebeom and him are in the kitchen eating.”  Mark responds and Jackson lets out another frustrated grunt.

 

“He really did involve Youngjae here?  I can’t believe—”  He can hear footsteps at the background and he assumes that Jackson is pacing on his place.  “But anyway, how did it go?  What did the three of you discuss?”

 

“Actually… It went well… We had signed the papers and it wasn’t too complicated for now… Though he did mention about a 30 day-period where we need to wait?”  Mark pauses for a few seconds trying to organize his thoughts.  “It is stated and enforced by the law that couples are required to go over their decisions for 30 days upon expressing the desire to… to divorce… so…”

 

“You and Jaebeom hyung would still be together for the next 30 days, right?”  Jackson says before snarling, “As if that would change hyung’s mind.  It’s been almost two years since you two were…”

 

“Jackson…”  Mark utters which made Jackson stopped talking, and the younger seemed to have sensed his discomfort so he stopped.  “But… to answer your question… yes, we will still be together for 30 days… I suppose…”

 

“Well, Mark-hyung, I guess the heavens are still giving you two a second chance?”  There is hopeful glint in Jackson’s voice which made Mark sit up from the bed.  

 

“Hyung, you need to fight for Jaebeom-hyung.  You love him, you still do, you need to let him know that!  Maybe it’s just a phase?  Maybe he’s just confused?  If you tell him you love him, he might change his mind?”

 

“I don’t know Jacks… I may want him back but I don’t want to sound pathetic…”  He says and Jackson whines on the other line.

 

“Well… then why don’t you _show_ him?  Or… maybe try to… be closer?  Maybe if you two would go back to how it was before… He would realize that he can’t leave you?  Or that he still loves you?”

 

Mark thinks about it, it’s not too bad, it was actually a great idea.  For once, his best friend had suggested something that is not entirely stupid.

 

“Or maybe you can seduce him?  You two haven’t had sex for almost two years right?  And you said he hasn’t cheated, for sure he craves it too, I mean he’s just a man!  So why don’t you—”

 

Well, so much for trusting Jackson to not give half-assed advices.

 

“You totally ruined my trust, Jackson.  I almost admired you for your wonderful suggestion.”  He rolls his eyes and lays down on the bed once more before leaning on his side on the bed.

 

“Oh come on, Mark!  Don’t be too innocent, I know that you wanted to do that again!  Can you remember that night in Jeju when Youngjae was forced to leave his room—”

 

“And that’s enough.  I think I’ve heard _enough,_ Jackson.”  Mark lets out a sigh as he tries to think of ways on what he can do, or what he can have Jaebeom do to try and bring the spark between them back?

 

“Fine.  But… Try to think of the things he normally does, like a habit, a morning kiss, maybe?  For sure he did that at one point, right?  You can just think of something else other than that… Or… what’s that line you always say when you’re still in college?”

 

“I’m your energy?”

 

“Yes!  Maybe have him tell you that or you tell him, it’s up to you.  Simple stuff, not entirely romantic, so it won’t be that obvious?”  Jackson continues and Mark had finally thought of something, but he won’t tell Jackson because he knows that the younger would just tease him for being cheesy until they’re both dead.

 

“Okay… I’ll think about it, Jackson!  Thank you for your help and talking to me… I know that you might be tired already and it’s almost 10…”

 

“Anything for my bestest friend…  I will be back in a few weeks or so… You’ll be the first person I’ll see, alright?” 

 

“Sure.”

 

“Be strong, hyung, I know you two can save this marriage, _you_ can save this marriage, I believe in you, hyung!  And I will always be here for you, you know that.”  Mark tried his hardest not to cry at Jackson’s comforting words, but he swallows his sobs down, he can’t break down over the phone with Jackson, so he tamps it down with a small laugh.

 

“Thank you, Jackson.”

 

“Good night, hyung.”

 

“Good night, Jackson.”

 

Mark will never forget his best friend who’s always with him during the highs and lows of his life.

 

 

 

~*~

 

During the first year of Mark’s Art business in play, he was extremely busy travelling back and forth to LA to finish up some contracts, establish more connections, and eventually get to hire more freelance workers.  He would always call Jaebeom and whenever he gets home they would always try to hang out, but being a solo entrepreneur really have its downside—he gets more and more busy that he rarely talks to his husband anymore, and Jaebeom had a huge promotion within that time too and got busier than usual as well.

 

When Mark’s business hit their first year, things started to go smoothly.  He doesn’t need to travel much and he can do almost all the work at home instead of going to their small office in downtown Seoul.  He would only go to the office when needed, or if they have urgent stuff to do.  However, it was Jaebeom’s turn to be extremely busy because he was promoted yet again and buried himself at work the day.  Mark was trying to make up for those months that he wasn’t able to take care of his husband by showering him with kisses and hugs and massages, but Jaebeom would always be tired already, and would just eat and sleep once he gets home.  Jaebeom’s travels on weekends also increased as months go by.

 

Eventually, Mark got used to Jaebeom’s less affectionate attitude towards him.  He is not very vocal with his feelings and his husband should’ve known that by then, but Jaebeom seemed to have lost his previous self.  Of course, he knows that he still cares for him, but the last year and a half that they’re both busy with their own careers, it seems like the main purpose of their entire marriage is also being forgotten—the distance between them widening by the time they chose to ignore each other, instead of talking and expressing their true feelings.

 

Unfortunately, the two men had forced to acknowledge it, or even realized it yet.

 

 

~*~

 

 

It’s been almost a week since Mark and Jaebeom had initially filed for a divorce—almost a week since Jaebeom started giving Mark forehead kisses and goodbye hugs before work, a week since Mark is hearing the phrase “I’m your energy” from the younger every morning.  It makes him feel a little lighter and happier before he starts his day.  He had stopped going to the office as well since it’s easier to do things at home this time now that the three can handle their works on their own, as well as the other employees in his small company.

 

It was still awkward, him and his husband are still threading on thin ice with this marriage, but it’s easy to get used to it since they had been together for a while, so he guesses it wasn’t an entire surprise when he finds his husband leaning his head on his shoulder when the two of them tried to enjoy a movie day on a lazy Sunday.

 

“You have somewhere to go to today?”  Jaebeom asks off handedly as he takes care of their dishes.  Mark shakes his head but realizes that his husband is not looking at him, so he hums a quiet “no” before walking towards the living room, grabbing his laptop and shutting it down when he finds out that he has nothing to do with it.  He feels the couch dip on his right, and it dawned on him that his husband just sat next to him.

 

“That pasta was good!  Was that the same pasta Tammy cooked for us the last time we went to LA?”  Mark nods, hiding his surprise that his husband remembers it.

 

“It tastes exactly the same.  Can we just have the same for tonight or you want something else?”  Mark looks at Jaebeom and he just shrugs.

 

“I’m okay with the same… And… thank you.  I had practiced for quite a while and finally managed to get the recipe right.”  The redhead giggled and Jaebeom looks at him quickly before diverting his attention to the remote control of the TV on top of their coffee table.

 

“I had a few new movies saved in my drive… I bet these are cool ones!”  He turns the TV on and Mark just relaxes on the couch, his husband doing the same as they both go through the movies.  The couple mutually agreed on watching Age of Ultron, then after that they will watch Infinity War.

 

 

And that’s how it happened—an hour into the movie, his husband is already fast asleep on his shoulder, while Nora is on his lap, also napping.

 

Jaebeom has this habit of sleeping and napping a lot during his free time, though they haven’t really been this close for quite a while, moreover, bonding like a normal couple on a Sunday afternoon.

 

Mark shifted a little so that he can accommodate Jaebeom better, whose head eventually slipped from his shoulder to his chest when Mark accidentally half-lied on the couch when Coco suddenly jumps on him.  Their cat was troubled with the change of position, but the younger is still sound asleep despite being moved for a few times.  Mark adjusted appropriately so he is leaning against the armrest, bringing Jaebeom to his side as his husband sleeps on his chest, forcing Mark to wrap an arm around Jaebeom’s shoulder so that it won’t get squished by the younger’s larger body, and Jaebeom nuzzles closer to him in return.  Nora chooses to veer away from them, running to her cot near the bedroom, while Coco squeezes himself in Jaebeom’s chest, and falling asleep pretty quickly.

 

Mark tries not to blush at the intimacy him and his husband are sharing—and tried to focus on the still on-going movie on their TV screen.  However, since they had watched the movie a lot of times now, the scenes are predictable, which led him to fall asleep as well, the comfort of Jaebeom on his side making him doze off.

 

 

Mark wakes up a few hours later when he felt his face being licked by no other than their lovely dog, Coco.  The Maltese barks when she sees her Daddy slowly waking up—and Mark smiled at her, kissing her nose and sitting up, expecting to feel the backrest of the couch, but he was surprised when he feels the softness of their comforter and sheets instead.

 

_I’m in our bed?_

Mark slowly takes in the surrounding and yes, he is inside their _bedroom_ , and he’s lying on _their bed_.  How did he manage to get there?  He can’t remember waking up and walking here—by any chance, did his husband _carry_ him inside their bedroom?

 

Speaking of his husband, where the hell is he?

 

As if on cue, their bedroom door suddenly opens and Jaebeom’s head appears through the crack.

 

“Dinner is ready!  I bought some chicken from that stall down the street, thought you might like them.”

 

Mark hasn’t enjoyed a lazy Sunday for quite a sometime, hoping that him and Jaebeom gets to do this more often, and not just a for a few more weekends.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark and Jaebeom’s relationship got even better, as per Mark, since his husband is starting to be more and more genuine with how he kisses him and hugs him in the morning, not those forced and insincere ones he had thrown and did for the first few days.

 

The two of them had also settled on some small cuddling in bed.  Mark was surprised one night after his husband showered and had put on his clothes, he automatically scooted closer to him on their bed.

 

“Is this okay?”  He remembers his husband asking him when he draped an arm around his waist, and he was speechless like a mute so he just nods his head, his body buzzing with anxiety, which slowly relaxes when the younger started to draw soothing circles on his stomach through his thin shirt, his even breaths hitting his head where his husband buries his nose against.

 

“Relax… Let’s get some sleep.”  Jaebeom mutters one last time before he falls asleep, and Mark was too tired to overthink what his husband just did and went to sleep immediately.

 

Since that night, the distance between their bodies when they sleep became totally inexistent—Mark even woke up one morning almost lying on top of Jaebeom—and when he blushed and turned red on the face and ears, his husband just playfully rubs his ears before pressing a kiss on his forehead and muttering his standard phrase, all the while his fingers are rubbing against his sensitive ears (which made him pull away if he doesn’t want Jaebeom to feel his arousal through his pajamas).  He had asked Jaebeom if he would allow him to take a shower first since he badly needed to pee—and the younger didn’t bat an eyelash to it, offering to make breakfast for the two of them while waiting.

 

Mark takes care of his little _problem_ in the bathroom, turning the shower on high mode as he jerks off, Jaebeom’s touch still lingering in his ears, the feeling of his own dick on top of Jaebeom’s thick thigh is also not helping at all, it only made him harder as he approaches his release, remembering those times when he can just get off by simply rubbing himself against Jaebeom’s thick and sexy thighs.

 

Mark came as quietly as he can—biting on his lower lip as his body jerks, his hand grabbing the tiled wall to support himself.  He hopes Jaebeom didn’t feel his hard-on this morning since he’s still too sleepy.  He then lathers soap on his body and shampoos his hair faster than usual, before he steps out of the bathroom and puts on some decent clothes.

 

While Mark is putting on a clean shirt, his husband suddenly enters the bedroom with his shirt gone, which made him curse inwardly as he sees Jaebeom’s toned upper body.

 

“I accidentally spilled some batter on my shirt.”  His husband giggles before stretching his arms.  “I’ll shower first, I’ll join you after this.”  He winks at Mark and Mark wants to _die_.  If Jaebeom hasn’t discovered his hard-on, he, for sure, haven’t missed the way he _stared_ at his half naked form a few meters away from him.

 

Jaebeom offered to take him to work but Mark refused, saying that he doesn’t need to be in the office that early.  Jaebeom just hugged him good bye before dashing off, leaving Mark to wallow in his own embarrassment.

 

There was also a time when Mark comes out of the bathroom _naked_ since he forgot to bring his towel with him, and he lets out a high pitched scream when he sees his husband sitting at the edge of the bed facing the bathroom, loosening his tie, his eyes fixated on his, wet, naked form standing in front of the bathroom door.

 

 _“Holy shit!”_ Mark runs back inside the bathroom, his face flushed and ears flaming.  _Goddamit,_ he has no idea his husband is there and why is he back so early?  Or has he finished his day a little late?

 

Mark is still overthinking and wallowing in his own misery when he hears three consecutive knocks on the door.

 

“I have your towel here, thought you might need it.”  Jaebeom says with a cheerful tone and Mark, again, just wants to _die_ and disappear, hoping that the tiled floor of the bathroom just opens up and swallow him whole.  He knows this isn’t the first time Jaebeom is seeing his body but then again… they haven’t seen each other naked for a while so it’s still very, _very_ embarrassing.

 

Mark turns around to open the door just enough to slip his hand out and grabs the towel from his husband.  He mutters a soft “Thank you” and Jaebeom responded with a sweet and somehow _seductive_ “you’re welcome” and Mark doesn’t exactly know what to feel.

 

That night he chose to set a distance between him and his husband, but, when he woke up, he finds his husband spooning him from behind, still sleeping soundly, and he thinks that he doesn’t mind being embarrassed every night if he gets to wake up like this.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Delivery for Mark Tuan-Lim?”  Mark stands up as soon as he hears his name being called from outside his office—walking out of his room and approaching the delivery man who is carrying a bouquet of red roses—attracting the attention of his friends and co-workers, staring at him curiously as he pays for the roses and brings them to his office before going back to his task in hand.

 

It didn’t come as a surprise though when he hears footsteps nearing his office, three overgrown boys peeking through his door with wide eyes and slightly agape mouths, _cute idiots._

 

“Hyung??? Are those roses from Jaebeom-hyung?  Is it your anniversary?  Your birthday is not until a few weeks, right?  Are you guys celebrating it early?”  Yugyeom bombarded him with question after question while Mino and Seungyoon just continues to stare at the roses next to his laptop.

 

“Woah!  That’s so sweet Mark-ie!  Jaebeom-ssi is so romantic!  But why did he not bring that here himself?  That would be more romantic!  Hmp!”  Mino grabs the flowers before taking a sniff.  “IT SMELLS GOOD!  Dang they’re so fresh!  Markie, is Jaebeom going to pick you up or something?  Ahhhhhhhh are you two going out on a date??  I’m so jealous!!”  Mino puts the roses back on the table and Mark just laughs at them.

 

“They are not for me… I bought them.”  He says with a solid, wide smile on his face and Yugyeom and Mino shared a look and a loud ”ohhhh” while Seungyoon just smiled at him knowingly while the other two continued to ask questions how and what exactly is going on.

 

Seungyoon and Mark shared a quick break earlier and it was the slightly younger man who told him to buy some flowers since him and Jaebeom would go on a _date_ at the new ramen shop his husband had talked to him about before they separated that morning.

 

“It is not a date… It’s just a dinner, why should I—“

 

“Are you being serious, Mark?  You and Jaebeom haven’t been out for a while, this is special!  So order those flowers before the cut off time.”

 

“What is the cut off time though?  Not that I decided to—”

 

“At 11:00 AM.”  Mark checks his watch subtly and his eyes widened when he saw that he only has 30 mins. left to place an order for the flowers.  He thanks Seungyoon quickly before rushing back inside the building, the younger shouting a “You owe me”, which Mark just waves off.

 

 

“Ohh you’re so romantic hyung~”  Yugyeom coos at the older and even tried pinching his cheeks, but Mark slaps the youngest’s hands away and Mino gasps at Yugyeom.

 

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?”  Mino pushes at Yugyeom’s arm and the younger muttered a few apologies while Mark just stares at him with fake annoyance.  “Anyway, boss, I am excited for your ramen _date_ with Jaebeom-ssi.  Have lots of fun, okay?  And… do you need condoms, maybe, for tonight?  But… well you two are married so for sure you have tons as well as lube but just in case—”

 

“Aaaaand we’re leaving.  We’ll see you later, Mark!”  Seungyoon waves goodbye while Yugyeom covers his ears as per Mark’s instructions while Seungyoon covers Mino’s mouth at the same time as he drags him out of Mark’s office, shutting the door close, leaving a grinning and an overly excited Mark inside.

 

When Jaebeom told him that he would like to take him for dinner at that new ramen shop, Mark’s heart did cartwheels and spins, suddenly having the urge to do martial arts tricking inside their house, the hobby he had practiced when he was still in LA, that’s how happy he was.  He even brought in an extra clothing just in case he gets his morning clothes crumpled or he might smell.

 

Seungyoon also advised him that the ramen shop is actually nearer Jaebeom’s office, and that it would be out of way if the younger would pick him up from his office and goes back to the ramen shop, it’s gonna eat up a lot of time too.  He also called in for a reservation at 5:30 PM after he got the flowers and tried to call Jaebeom to advise him of his plan, but the younger is not picking up and he forgets to send him a message since he got some client calls and he needed to finish the art he was making as well.

 

It was 5:00 PM when he left the office, bringing the flowers with him and riding a cab to go to the ramen shop Jaebeom was talking about, and he arrived at the restaurant around 5:30 PM.

 

“Hi good evening sir, table for how many?”  The cute boy greeted him with a smile and he goes to check his name tag, _Jinwoo._

“Good evening, Jinwoo, uhm… I called in for a reservation?  Under the name Mark Tuan-Lim?”  He says and the boy nods and quickly guides him on the couch at the far left corner of the restaurant.  The boy left to grab the menu before going back with a glass of water, looking at the roses on the table as Mark grabs his phone from his pocket.

 

“Looks like you’re on a date, sir.”  The boys smiles at him and he cannot help but return it, because _yes,_ he is claiming it, him and his husband are out on a _date_ for the first time in a long time.

 

”Y-yeah…”  Mark scratches his head in embarrassment as he thanks the younger boy for the water and dials his husband’s number while going through their menu.  He smiles when he sees something Jaebeom would like, and he would like too, getting more and more excited as he thinks of what to eat, his stomach rumbling and mouth almost salivating just looking at the menu.

 

Jaebeom didn’t pick up the phone at Mark’s first attempt, so he tries again, checking out the place.  It has a cool interior and definitely an appetizing looking food as he peeks at the other customer’s tables.

 

Jaebeom doesn’t pick up at his third attempt, so Mark resorted to sending him a quick message.

 

To:  Jaebeom-ah<3

 

[5:35 PM] _Hey Jaebeom, sorry I didn’t get to tell you this earlier, but I was told that the ramen house is actually nearer your office so it will be out of the way if you come pick me up?  So I decided to come here instead and you can just drive straight here.  I already reserved a table for us._

[5:40 PM]  _I bet you’re driving that’s why you can’t answer, but I hope you’ve seen my last message!  You don’t need to answer, I’ll just wait here!  Drive safely!_

[5:55 PM]  _I bet you’re quite near if you had left the office 5:30 PM, right?_

Mark drops the phone on the table and looks through the menu again, trying not to feel worried about his husband.  Jaebeom is not seeing the messages, so he thinks that his husband might be driving and he can’t really respond to him right now.  But he can’t help but feel anxious and _scared_ that Jaebeom might have gone home instead of going here… he might’ve changed his mind the last minute and just cancelled the dinner date without telling him.

 

However, Mark thinks that if Jaebeom just wants to cancel their dinner, he would definitely just say it rather than doing this.  He knows Jaebeom, he knows his husband is a straightforward man so if ever the younger decides to not proceed with this dinner, he would just say so.

 

So Mark still believed that his husband is on his way, maybe just stuck in traffic or whatsoever, so he waits.

 

 

~*~

 

“Are you ready to order, sir?”  Jinwoo comes back for the second time and Mark looks up and shakes his head.

 

“I will wait for my… my…”  He doesn’t know what to say but the crew understood, looking at the flowers he placed on the table before going back to the counter.

 

It has been an hour since he arrived at the restaurant, and there’s still no sign of Jaebeom. Has he gotten into an accident?  Is he okay?  Did he come to his office instead of going straight here that’s why it’s taking him a while to get there?  Or has he gone home?  Is he still in their office?  He is getting annoyed and worried right now that his husband didn’t even try contacting him and telling him what exactly happened.

 

Mark tried to call Jaebeom again twice for the last 30 minutes but the younger is still not picking up and it’s not helping him decrease his worries.

 

Mark’s patience and anxiousness is eating him up so he grabs his phone again, attempting to dial his husband’s number for the nth time when a text from no other than Lim Jaebeom interrupts him.

 

[6:35 PM]  _I’m sorry, Mark.  Something came up here at work and I need to take care of it.  I’m sorry I can’t make it.  I’ll be home late._

 

He doesn’t know if he’s going to be relieved that Jaebeom is _fine_ and he wasn’t involved in an accident or something, or he would cry out loud in pain because his husband just cancelled their _date._ The date that he was looking forward to the whole day.

 

And if he would be completely honest, the date that he had been looking forward to for the last year or so.

 

Mark wanted to convince himself that he won’t get hurt.  Of course, Jaebeom is still at work and that there are times he is required to do overtime at a short notice, it’s not something new to him, but he can’t help but feel the pain coursing through his veins—it’s almost unbearable.  The fact that he’s trying not to get hurt by his husband’s cancellation only makes the pain worse, his heart clenching at the thought of Jaebeom not coming anytime soon, the flowers that he purchased earlier that day will be thrown in the trash since it will not be serving its purpose for this night.

 

Mark’s eyes started to turn blurry but he shakes his head to avoid the onslaught of feels and tears that would rip his heart apart.  He can’t cry, he _will not cry._ He would accept this as a mere bad luck, and that him and Jaebeom can always try to go back right?  The ramen shop will not close any time soon, so they can reschedule this date, _right_?

 

Mark, feeling embarrassed that his date technically didn’t show up, called for Jinwoo and ordered a take-out tonkatsu ramen for his husband, his own hunger and craving for that spicy seafood ramen he had seen on the menu completely forgotten.  He shared a forced yet sweet smile as the young boy leaves to process his order. 

 

As he waits for his order, he sends a quick text to Jaebeom saying okay, since he doesn’t know what else to say?  And he’s also annoyed?  Partly?  So he wanted to prevent fighting with the younger so he just chose to respond that way instead of saying something else.  He also doesn’t want to appear pathetic and childish and too attached if he says that he’s disappointed that their dinner was cancelled.  His husband didn’t even claim this as a _date,_ it was just him—so he chooses to not say anything else apart from the short affirmative.

 

When his take out box arrived, he stands up—taking the flowers with him as Jinwoo leads him to the door.  He looks at the younger boy and at his flowers, deciding to hand it over to him without any word, the younger boy blushing and thanking and bowing at him continuously as he sets off the road, hailing a cab before slumping inside, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

 

When Mark comes home, he is not surprised that his husband is still not back.  He places the food on the table, arranging it so that Jaebeom can eat them when he comes home, before dragging his feet towards their bedroom.  He didn’t bother showering, he just takes off his pants, socks, and jacket, before slumping on the bed, burying himself on the pillows and the sheets, trying his best to not break down even though he wanted to do so—so badly.  He wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all, he wanted to yell at his husband for doing this to him, but he can’t do that.  He wanted to be strong for himself.  If this is how they’re going to be until the 30th day is up, then he should endure this, since this is just the beginning.

 

 

~*~

Ever since that Mark and Jaebeom’s cancelled _ramen date,_ Mark is convinced that something had definitely happened to his husband.

 

First, when his husband came home that night, he had slept a person away from him, unlike those last few nights when they settled on mild cuddling and hugging on their bed.  Second, when he proceeds in kissing his forehead and muttering “I’m your energy” to him the next morning, Jaebeom was just like how he was on the first few days of their arrangement.  He was not enthusiastic, very awkward, and always eager to finish what he’s doing so that he can leave him or maybe proceed in doing something else.

 

The atmosphere in the house completely shifted from an almost lively _home_ to another dull house.  Actually, their current situation is even worse that how they were the last year and a half.  Before, they were not talking because either one of them is busy or maybe both of them, but, right now, he knows that his husband’s duties at work had already mellowed down since he is receiving a lot of help from people, and he has also improved a lot that he rarely gets any rejects for the songs or MV concepts he is producing.

 

Right now, Mark is pretty certain that Jaebeom is just clearly avoiding him.  He hasn’t been eating at home, not even breakfast or dinner.  He would always bring his breakfast to work instead of eating it there, since he would always say that he’s already late or he would have early meetings that day.  When Mark told him he can wake up earlier than usual—Jaebeom just dismissed him and saying that he doesn’t want to bother him that much so they can just wake up at the same time they always do. 

 

Mark wanted to convince himself that maybe Jaebeom is just concerned about him since his work schedule is kind of fixed and very flexible, however, when his husband started skipping dinners too, leaving him alone to eat by himself every night, and every time he goes to bed with his husband still missing, waking up to him being too far from him on the bed once again—there is no other way to describe how his husband is treating him at the moment.

 

Moreover, the younger didn’t even bring up the cancelled ramen date, to have it reschedule sometime that week or maybe next week, and Mark’s disappointment only increased tenfold.

 

Jaebeom might’ve thought that he is too naïve or insensitive to not notice the change in his behavior, because the younger would always be nonchalant or unaffected, even when Mark cannot hide his sadness and disappointment anymore whenever Jaebeom leaves, or when he comes in late and he is still watching movies or just playing with his phone or laptop in the living room, and his husband would just nod at him and go straight to the bedroom, or sometimes just blatantly ignoring him. 

 

Tonight was definitely no exception.  Jaebeom comes in while Mark is playing games on his computer.  The younger just went past him with a slight nod, before cooing at their babies who’re by the door of their bedroom, kissing both of their heads and nose—while Mark is just staring at them, silently wishing that he would receive the same treatment too.  His husband didn’t glance at him again when he goes inside the bedroom, and Mark felt even sadder, the game he’s playing already abandoned as he shuts his laptop off and removes the headphones from his ears before placing both of them on the table.  He goes to the kitchen and puts Jaebeom’s _dinner_ inside the fridge, knowing that his husband will not eat it anymore on the excuse of another company dinner or eat out.

 

The slightly older man finally comes in to their bedroom after clearing the kitchen, and he sees his husband already sleeping soundly on their bed.  Mark already showered before he started playing so he immediately crawls on the right side of their shared bed, fighting the urge to come closer to the younger man, already missing his warmth close to him.  He knows that he shouldn’t miss it because, come on, it’s just been almost three weeks since they slept in _that_ way, but he can’t help it.  He guesses he should be thankful that Jaebeom still chooses to stay on the same bed and not sleep in the guest room.  He doesn’t understand but he feels secure whenever Jaebeom is next to him on their bed, either there is a huge gap between their bodies or not.

 

Mark is just staring at his husband’s broad back as he settles on his side of the bed facing him, keeping his hands to himself even though he wanted to trace his husband’s back muscles through his shirt so bad.  He was just admiring him silently when the younger suddenly moves and turns to face him, and Mark immediately closes his eyes and pulls the blanket up to his chin, pretending to be asleep.  He _definitely_ doesn’t want to get caught staring unabashedly at his husband while he’s sleeping, _no,_ he had been embarrassed for the last 30 days enough to experience another one.

 

Mark just held his breath for a few seconds and when he feels that Jaebeom didn’t move an inch, he started opening one of his eyes slowly, and he heaves a silent sigh of relief when he sees Jaebeom still sound asleep, his grown, black fringe covering his face and his mouth slightly agape.  He is also snoring a little loudly, which made Mark smile at how adorable his husband looks like (though in reality he looks unattractive especially with all the snoring but who are we to judge what Mark thinks?).

 

Mark scoots just a little closer to Jaebeom as he extends his hand to brush his husband’s fringe away from his face and tucks it behind his ear.  The younger was unfazed and Mark knows that—it would take a whole lot of noise or disturbance to wake a sleeping log like Jaebeom (that made him realize that his _fear_ of being caught earlier is also _pointless)_.

 

Mark started to trace the tip of his finger on his husband’s nose, down to his cheek, his sharp jawline, until he reaches his chin, and his gaze had zeroed on the younger’s jutted lips.

 

A thought came to his mind but he erased it from his head promptly, thinking that it’s ridiculous and that he might wake Jaebeom up, and he won’t be able to deal with the shame of being caught kissing your future ex-husband—so might just have Youngjae take the divorce papers right away and he can ran as fast as he can far from here.

 

However, his cloudy, stressed, and sleepy mind pushed all of those thoughts away as he quietly leans in and pressing his lips against his husband’s chastely, but full of affection and longing—just a touch of his pillowy lips against his husband’s slightly chapped ones, nothing more. 

 

Mark thinks that this marriage might end, but he knows that he won’t be able to forget this man, this man who had been his _world_ , the man whom he would always love to kiss just like this, to hold, to take care of, to live the rest of his life with, the man whom he hopes would come _back_ to him, to love him again, and consider him as his partner in life once again.

 

The redhead hasn’t realized that he’s already crying when he pulls away from Jaebeom’s lips.  The younger moves a little and pouts his lips, but he’s back to full-on sleeping in seconds after he shifts a little to the right, setting an even wider distance between them.

 

Mark instantly wipes his tears, he promised himself that he will not cry, at least not _yet_.  He would do so once everything is done.  He cannot show his husband the next day that he has reddened and swollen eyes and cheeks for crying the night before.  He takes a few deep breaths and tries to distract himself from the heavy pounding of hurt in his chest by watching some funny videos on the internet.  He remembers dozing off at the video of a cat trying to _save_ a kitten from a human’s grip and once she got him, she hugs the kitten and kisses her dozens of times, and Mark thinks how it would be like if him and Jaebeom would be just like them, hugging and kissing in bed at night, or at the couch on a lazy weekend.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark was surprised when Jackson appeared at the lobby of his office when he just exited the room.  His best friend smiled at him and opened his arms wide and Mark immediately ran to him—hugging the younger as tight as he can, and he can feel Jackson’s arms holding him just as tight.

 

“You didn’t tell me you’re coming home today.”

 

“I want it to be a surprise!”  Jackson pulls away and looks at Mark worriedly.  “How have you been?”  He asks and Mark just nods.

 

“Doing okay, I guess.  It was a pretty busy day today at work—”  He stops when Yugyeom, Seungyoon, and Mino exits the office as well and they greeted him goodbye with a high five, and he was surprised when they fist and chest bumped with Jackson as they all leave the office at the same time.

 

“How did you even become close with them?”  Mark raises an eyebrow at his best friend and Jackson just laughs, wrapping an arm around his shoulders before leading him out of the office as well.

 

“You know I am quite popular.  And remember when you were still starting?  I kinda help out in finding you a good place, we even spent some good nights at your apartment right?  Don’t be too shocked!”  Jackson just laughs again as they wait for the elevator doors to open.  Mark just shakes his head, thinking about those nights they spent drinking at his and Jaebeom’s apartment when they were still conceptualizing his Art business.

 

“So, do you want to grab dinner?  Jinyoung told me about this ramen house that he just discovered, want to give that a try?”  Mark stiffened in his best friend’s arms and Jackson was instantly alert.

 

“Hmm… C-can we go somewhere else?  I mean… how about that café a few blocks from our house?  The one you said the green tea was organic?  The rest of the food are organic too so you might want it there instead?”  Mark tried to sound as joyous as he can and Jackson was immediately drawn by the fact that it’s an organic café so he led Mark to his car immediately and drove to the place as per his hyung’s instructions.

 

Jackson talked about his gigs in Hongkong and also the short trip in Italy for that event he organized for Fendi as they drove towards the place.  Mark, who’s always a good listener, had laughed and nodded when needed and appropriate.  Jackson also talks about losing a bet with his brother so he was forced to eat a spicy dish—and Mark clearly remembers Jackson texting him about it but it’s no less funny seeing how disgusted and disappointed his best friend is in real life.

 

After about half an hour, they finally reached the café, and after their orders were taken, Jackson suddenly turned serious as he places both of his arms on top of the table and staring right through Mark’s eyes.

 

“Okay, you can stop pretending nothing’s wrong now, talk to me, hyung.”  Jackson says and Mark holds his best friend’s gaze before running a shaky hand through his hair and letting out a huge sigh.

 

“You haven’t really talked to me the last week?  The last update you had was he is starting to get a little sweeter?  And that you two are getting closer?  Then you just stopped updating me even though I asked you through texts… Did something happen?”  Jackson holds his hand and Mark bites his lower lip to stop it from shaking, his hand tightening against his best friend’s, who just waited, his other hand joining the other as he tries to provide comfort to the older man.  Mark appreciates Jackson’s patience at these situations—he might be loud or impatient sometimes, maybe an idiot too, but he has a big heart, and he loves and cares for people with no boundaries.

 

“We… were okay last week and… he even invited me to have dinner with him last Tuesday at the… at the ramen house you talked about earlier…”  He looks at Jackson and the younger furrows his eyebrows.

 

“Oh!  He invited you for a dinner date!!  But why do you sound so sad?”

 

“Well… H-he cancelled…”

 

“What?  What the…”  Jackson rubs his forehead with his hand before looking at Mark questioningly.  “Why did he cancel?  Did something happen?  Did he meet an accident on the way?  It has to be something really urgent and important—”

 

“He just needed to go overtime, because of something urgent at work…”  Mark says in his disappointed tone, and Jackson was about to say something but their food and drinks were already served.  After the waitress had laid a feast on their table and bowed goodbye, Jackson told Mark to eat first before they can resume talking.  He had also highlighted that Mark had lost a couple of pounds in just a few weeks and Mark cannot deny that. With his metabolism with that of a healthy teenager, his stress level and also lack of proper eating led him to reduce a couple of kilos in his body weight.

 

When they are about to consume all the food on their own plates, that’s the time that Jackson had asked another question, “Did Jaebeom-hyung tell you what it’s all about?”

 

“No… And I didn’t ask.  I just… I just told him okay…”

 

“Where were you when he cancelled it?  Were you waiting for him at home?  Or at the office?”

 

“I…”  Mark closes his eyes to stop the onslaught of tears brimming at his eyes, _damn it don’t cry, Mark!_ “I was there…”

 

“You were at the restaurant?  How?”

 

“Well… It was partly my fault because I forgot to text him that it’s better to just meet there since the restaurant is out of the way… But when I texted and tried to call him when I was already there, he wasn’t answering…”  Mark fiddled with the straw of his Royal Milk Tea as he continues, “He texted me that he is cancelling after I waited for an hour… and the roses were expensive too it’s even if it’s just about 12 pieces…”

 

“You bought roses???”  Jackson looks at him and Mark can’t believe he let that slip.  He nods to confirm, before taking a sip of his tea as he waits for Jackson to recuperate.

 

“You bought flowers for your husband and he didn’t show up?  What did you do when you saw him at home?  Did you give him the flowers?  Did you confront him?”

 

“No! I… I threw the flowers away, and I didn’t talk to him… He came home a little late, I bet I was already sleeping when he came in that night…”

 

“And how about the next days?  He should’ve at least shown his face the next morning, right?  Did he even try to reschedule it on a different day, maybe?”  Jackson shoves a piece of meat inside his mouth while gauging the elder’s reaction.  He closes his eyes in disappointment for the nth time today when the older of the two shakes his head.

 

“He… he stopped…”  Mark gulps the lump in his throat, this is such a difficult thing to admit vocally, but he needs to let this out.  “He still kisses me in the morning and hugs me goodbye, but he became even colder than before… He is clearly avoiding me… He comes home very late and always rushes to get to work in the morning.  He also had a trip somewhere last weekend to Daegu where the groups he was supervising are having a joint concert… He didn’t even…”  Mark buries his face in his hands and Jackson reaches out rub his shoulder in sympathy.  Mark isn’t crying, but he is just _tired_ of all this, he wants to run away, but at the same time he doesn’t want to because that would mean ending _everything_ with Jaebeom.

 

Jackson once gain holds his hand in a tight grip, making him look up to find Jackson’s onyx eyes looking at him.  “I’m sorry, hyung…”  He licks his lips nervously, the younger trying to choose his words correctly, “Do you think talking to him about it would help?”

 

“I don’t want to… He clearly doesn’t want to even talk to me right now…”

 

“What if something happened?  I mean… That’s such a sudden change in mood, don’t you think?  He was all this nice then in just a day he’ll treat you like an ass?  There must be something that happened, or maybe he is more confused now because he is starting to feel something again?”

 

That immediately caught Mark’s full attention.

 

_Feel something again?_

Is Jaebeom falling for him again that’s why he is avoiding him because he is getting confused?

 

Mark doesn’t know if the thought makes him happy or not, but he doesn’t want those thoughts to linger inside his head.  Assuming something might only give him false hopes, and, eventually, would hurt him even more.  He doesn’t want to assume anything when it comes to his husband, not when they only have a week to be together and finally divorce.

 

“If he feels something again, he clearly doesn’t want the change in his feelings, don’t you think?”  Mark looks at Jackson with glassy eyes and continues, “If he… he thinks his feelings is changing, then it means he doesn’t like it and chooses to ignore it and go back the way he was before?  I mean… If his current actions doesn’t say enough…”

 

“I understand that you might be scared or hurt with what he’s doing but… Just try and consider talking to him…”

 

“What should I ask or tell him?  Like why did you suddenly stop hugging me to sleep?  Why are you not eating breakfast or dinner with me anymore?  What should I say, Jackson?  I don’t want to be pathetic or show him that.  He might change but it might be just out of pity, and I don’t need that.  I deserve… more than just pity…”  Mark bows his head and Jackson holds his hyung’s hand and didn’t say anything, but Mark knows that he understands him, and he’s just there to make him feel better.

 

He eventually stops his rambling about his crumbling marital life and diverts the talk to Jackson and asks him more about his trips in Hongkong and Italy and how are his parents doing.  Laughter started to fill the space between the two of them when they reminisced their first trip to Hongkong together before Mark enters college, as well as that night when Jackson reunites with the girl in his Calculus class in college that he never saw after the semester ends, who eventually became his girlfriend after about 6 months of going out.

 

When they finally grabbed the check and Jackson paid for everything, the younger grabs both of his hands, squeezing them before staring at his older _brother_.

 

“No matter how this marriage would go, Mark-hyung, promise me that you will be strong, and that you will move on from all of this.  Promise me that you will try to find your own happiness, even without Jaebeom.”

 

Mark cannot stop the few tears that escaped his eyes before he stands up and gives his best friend a back hug.  The younger taps his arms for reassurance when Mark mumbles a thank you against his neck.

 

Jackson drives him home and gives him a big, bear hug before Mark enters their apartment complex, waving Jackson goodbye as the younger drives off.

 

Mark was welcomed by Nora and Coco by the door and he immediately cuddles his babies, played with them a little before taking them to their cots by their bedroom, kissing them good night as he walks inside their bedroom.

 

Jaebeom is already sleeping at his usual place on their bed and Mark ignores the pinch in his heart and walks to their bathroom, takes a quick shower before lying on his side of the bed, closing his eyes and tries get some sleep.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark is not aware of how long has been trying to sleep but all he knows is that he can still hear Jaebeom’s snores and that his left arm is turning numb because he has been lying on his side for God knows how long.

 

_Why in hell can’t he sleep?_

He decided to lie on his back this time, maybe the change in the position would make him fall asleep (well, that’s a shitty logic but Mark wouldn’t lose anything so he just did).  He puts both of his hands on top of his stomach and closes his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself.

 

_”Mark…”_

 

It was slightly muffled, but Mark definitely heard his name being called.  He opens his eyes when he hears it again, a little louder this time, and he turns to his right to find Jaebeom shifting on his side to face him, eyes still closed, his arm reaching out for him as if he’s finding something.

 

“Mark…”  The younger continues to groan and when his arm finally landed on Mark’s chest, his husband scooted closer and closer until he is lying _on top_ of Mark, forcing the redhead to pull his hands from his chest as the younger finds a comfortable position on top of him, nuzzling his chest and that’s when he also realized that his husband is half naked, clad in just his boxers and Mark can feel his face on fire when Jaebeom wraps both of his arms around his neck.

 

Mark can feel Jaebeom’s breaths against his chest as well as his nose rubbing against his shirt, and he chuckles as he reminds him of their cat, Nora.  He surely had inherited their cat’s habits instead of the other way around.

 

However, the more pressing issue inside Mark’s head is _why is his husband cuddling him out of the blue?_ He was just avoiding him for _days_ and now he is acting like a baby and squishing his face on his chest and his body all over him?

 

Mark wanted to get mad or frustrated at Jaebeom, but he cannot deny that the feeling of being close to his husband again makes his insides warm, the heat spreading through every joint and limb in his body, and he gathers enough courage to wrap his arms around his husband’s back and burying his face on his hair, inhaling the scent of their shampoo and Mark relaxes right away.

 

Jaebeom may not remember what he did or he might pull away later that morning, but Mark doesn’t care.  He wanted to cherish these stolen moments with Jaebeom as many and as long as he can.

 

Mark fell asleep so fast that he forgets the slight pain of being squashed by his husband’s bigger body.  He might regret it in the morning—but Mark just doesn’t give any fucks right now.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark smiles widely when he sees his husband leaning against the door of their car, who instantly shoots him a bright smile when he started half-running, half-walking towards Jaebeom.  The redhead is unable to hide his excitement and slight giddiness, and he smiles even wider when Jaebeom stands up straight to approach him until they’re face to face.

 

“You don’t need to pick me up!  I told you we’ll just meet there.  And isn’t your shift ending at 6:00 PM?”

 

“And hello to you to, Mark-yah.”  Jaebeom ruffles his husband’s hair and Mark pouts because he just fixed it thoroughly inside the washroom before leaving.  “I managed to finish all my tasks promptly that’s why!”  Jaebeom lays a hand on top of Mark’s shoulder before leaning in to press a quick kiss on his forehead.

 

“Have fun boss!!!!!”  Both men looked back to look at Yugyeom, Mino, and Seungyoon from not too far away.  Mark blushed but waves back and Jaebeom smiles at them.

 

“Don’t forget to use protection tonig—”  Mino’s mouth was instantly covered by Yugyeom’s hands while Seungyoon just threw a salute towards Mark and Jaebeom’s direction.  Mark laughs awkwardly when he rounds the car to slip on the passenger seat and buckling his seat belt, his smile never leaving his face.

 

Since that night when Jaebeom slept on top of him, Jaebeom’s mood shifted 180 degrees.  Mark remembers Jaebeom showering him with kisses on the _lips_ and cheeks the next morning (which he attempted to complain about but not really pulling away smh), even after he has given him a hug by the door and needed to step out so that he won’t be late.  Mark remembers touching his lips, the taste of his husband’s lips still lingering in his own lips, vibrating against his whole body, his frustrations, disappointment, and hatred towards the younger man disappearing, and now just replaced by happiness.

 

Jaebeom continued to be more and more affectionate as the days went by.  He cuddles Mark to sleep once again, even placing a few kisses here and there, mostly on his cheeks and head, and Mark would always feel light and heady with feelings and affection before he goes to bed.  On top of the forehead kiss, Jaebeom also make it a point to kiss him on the lips in the morning while they’re still in bed, and also after he gives him a hug before he leaves for work.  He wants to question his husband as to why his mood has changed all of a sudden, but he insisted on just enjoying the moment.  Maybe his husband just realized his mistake and finally admitting his true feelings, not through words yet, but through his sweet actions.  Just like him, Jaebeom is also not much of a talker, so voicing out his true feelings might still be a challenge even though they knew each other for a decade, but he is certain that the younger will come by soon enough.

 

He hopes that by the time his husband is ready to finally talk this out, he will be too.

 

 

“What are you smiling about?”  Jaebeom snaps him out of his trance and he feels his face heat up, he cannot tell the younger that he was actually reminiscing those sweet moments they had shared over the last few days, right?

 

“Nothing… I’m just excited to eat…”  Mark bites his lower lip and looks outside, and he hears Jaebeom let out a soft laugh.

 

“I bet.  I’m sorry if I cancelled our initial dinner there last week…”

 

“Don’t worry, we’re coming back now and that’s all that matters!”  He winks at the younger and Jaebeom just nods as he continues to drive towards the ramen house.  Mark didn’t notice the way Jaebeom would stare at his side profile when he gets distracted by the sceneries outside, and how Jaebeom is also so excited, just like him, to finally push through with the ramen _date_ he had cancelled a week ago.

 

 

“Good evening sir!  Oh, hi Sir Mark!”  Jinwoo greets them by the door and Mark just bows at him.  “Table for two?”  The waiter smiles at both of them and Mark just nods, and Jaebeom was really surprised that his husband knows the guy.

 

“Just call me when you’re both ready to order.”  Jinwoo drops the menus and two glasses of water on their table and Mark browses through it, but he stops when he sees Jaebeom just staring at the boy who left, before shifting his questioning gaze towards him.

 

“What’s wrong?”  Mark cannot help but ask because his husband’s reaction is really weird.

 

“How did you know… know that boy?  I didn’t know you knew someone from this place and you haven’t told me.  The way he smiles at you is so wide he might split the sides of his lips!”  Jaebeom throws another look at the pretty server before he starts mumbling again, “He looks… young though, and very pretty… But I am taller than him, and broader… _manlier…_ ”  Jaebeom looks down at the menu with his chin jutted out a little, a sign that he is _a little_ upset, while he continues to mumble words—which made Mark even more confused.

 

“Oh, that’s Jinwoo!  Ahm… well… He assisted me when I was here last week… When someone didn’t show up…”  Mark bites his lower lip, clearly joking, but he was more than shocked when Jaebeom looks up from where he’s assessing the food on the menu _very thoroughly—_ his eyes turning soft and face crumbling in disappointment.

 

“I’m sorry…  I shouldn’t assume anything… I just… I thought you two know each other because… well…”  Jaebeom scratches the back of his neck, clears his throat, and Mark cannot help but snicker at his husband’s obvious jealousy.

 

Oh,

 

_Hold up, was Jaebeom jealous just now?_

Mark is still looking at Jaebeom who keeps fidgeting with the menu on his hand while the other is fiddling with a toothpick he randomly picked up from the stacks in the middle of the table.  He knows these signs, clearly knows it because he had seen it tons of times before.

 

“Are you… Are you _jealous_ , Jaebeom-ah?”  Mark tried to stop himself from saying that out loud but, he failed.  It was already out even before he can convince himself that it’s not a good idea.  However, seeing Jaebeom’s shocked expression and extremely red face and ears, it was worth it.

 

“N-no… NO.  I wasn’t jealous… Why would I be?  I am much more handsome than him, remember when you told me I am more good-looking than Jackson and Jinyoung when everyone else would say they’re ten times more good-looking than me?  So, no, I’m not jealous.  Can we order now?  And can we be assisted by a different crew?”

 

Mark cannot help but burst out laughing at Jaebeom’s remarks, his signature high-pitched laugh that wrecks his chest and throat, and he feels so happy.  Jaebeom cannot help but join his husband, the elder’s laugh sounds too good and very contagious.

 

Once their laughs had died down, Mark gestures for Jinwoo to come over, and he didn’t miss the roll of his husband’s eyes when the younger boy approaches them and starts taking their orders.

 

“Sir Mark, was he the guy you were supposed to give the flowers to last week?”  The younger smiles widely and cutely and Mark wanted to rub it off of his face using… maybe some shattered glass or a really rough rock.

 

“Uhm… That’s everything we need for now, Jinwoo.  Please have it served as fast as you can, we are really hungry, thank you.”  He grabs the menu from Jaebeom’s hands and handing both over to the younger boy, who just continued to smile as he walks back to the counter.

 

Mark can feel Jaebeom’s eyes on him after the sneaky server’s unsolicited remark, and he doesn’t really want to talk about this, not right now, so he doesn’t look at Jaebeom, he just played with his phone to pretend that he is actually doing something.

 

“Y-you had flowers with you last week?”

 

So much for the almost deafening, terse silence between the two of them.

 

“I…”  Mark clears his throat before running his fingers through his hair and nibbling his lips.  “I did… but… th-they’re just something I found when I was on the way here… n-n-nothing really…”  He coughs again to hide the shakiness in his voice, “But yeah, I didn’t know what I was thinking I just grabbed them because they’re like a closing sale or something… Is it suddenly too hot in here?  Is the AC malfunctioning?”  Mark gulps the cold water Jinwoo gave them earlier all at once, before wiping the sweat on his forehead using a tissue.

 

Jaebeom just shoots him an amused smile and he looks like he wanted to ask more questions, but he is relieved that the younger didn’t prod further.  He was beyond mortified already that his husband found out he got him flowers that day, so he is thankful that Jaebeom is being considerate enough to save him from it. 

 

When their food was finally served, Jaebeom stirred their conversation away from the _jealousy over a younger server_ and the _flowers I didn’t get_ issues by talking about some fun stuff going on with their company.  Mark also talked about this mural Mino and Seungyoon was working on for building in Hongdae, and the conversation went smoothly as usual.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark was surprised when him and his husband finally stepped foot inside their house after their really nice dinner, Jaebeom had cornered him against the wall of their foyer—his broad body caging him against the cold surface, and his hand reaching up to cradle his jaw with his hand, his forehead leaning against his with his eyes closed.

 

Jaebeom opens his eyes to meet Mark’s still widely opened ones, which turned even wider when Jaebeom closed the distance between their lips.  Jaebeom tasted of the ramen and soda that he drank back in the restaurant, but it somehow felt like _home_.  Jaebeom pressed a little harder against his lips which made Mark’s eyes finally close, the younger slipping his upper lip between Mark’s to suck on his bottom lip, before finally pulling away and looking at Mark straight in the eyes, conveying an emotion that made Mark’s heart rattle inside his rib cage.

 

“Thank you…”  Jaebeom presses a sweet kiss on his nose before continuing, “For the flowers… Even though I haven’t gotten them…”  He presses another lingering kiss on Mark’s lips and Mark automatically closes his eyes and puts both of his hands on top of Jaebeom’s chest, just savouring the feeling of his husband’s lips against his.

 

“You’re welcome…”  Mark blurts out when both of them pulls away, and Jaebeom smiles against his forehead where he presses another soft kiss.

 

“I feel even shittier for cancelling that date…  I should’ve informed you a little earlier… I’m sorry Mark…”  Jaebeom murmurs against Mark’s hair and the older just snorts.

 

“You don’t need to feel bad anymore, Jaebeom-ah.  We already came back and we enjoyed it.  And you even paid for it so I’m all good!”  Mark is so tempted to bury his face against Jaebeom’s neck that is in front of him, when his husband suddenly pulls him towards his chest.  Mark returns the hug and inhales Jaebeom’s musky scent, until his husband breaks their romantic moment.

 

“What did you do with the flowers though?”  He pulls away to look at Mark’s face, and the older sees another opportunity to tease Jaebeom.

 

“I gave it to the boy at the restaurant, Jinwoo?”

 

“Why did you give it to him?  Those are my flowers!”  Jaebeom pouts and Mark taps his lips and tickles Jaebeom’s side.

 

“It’s because you didn’t come!”  Mark sticks his tongue out before finally getting out of Jaebeom’s body cage, slipping off his shoes and coat and walking towards their living room, leaving the still sulking younger man at the foyer.

 

The couple bickered some more even after they both showered and prepared for bed.  Jaebeom insisted he wanted flowers as he spoons Mark from behind, while the older man just continued to pretend that he’s uninterested and already sleeping, until Jaebeom tickles him and he lets out a series of loud and high-pitched laughs, making him turn around to stop Jaebeom hands from assaulting him.

 

They both finally got tired of bickering and called it a truce.  Jaebeom engulfs him in a hug and Mark feels so happy, _very happy,_ the happiest that he had been in a year and a half.  Jaebeom’s wide body caging his on their bed, tucked in his chest and his arms around him making him feel safe, Jaebeom’s embrace being the safest place on earth, and Mark is praying that this is not a dream, that it’s reality, and, if ever everything that happened between today and that Monday night is just a dream, he never wanted to wake up.

 

 

~*~

 

 

When Monday morning came, Mark was at the living room waiting for Jaebeom as the younger is still in the bedroom preparing to go to work.

 

Things have been really better between him and his husband, and he is pretty convinced that Jaebeom might retract the divorce papers tomorrow when they meet Youngjae to state their final decision.  He met up with Jackson and Jinyoung yesterday when Jaebeom was in Busan for another concert, and they’re both very happy for them.  Jinyoung says that Jaebeom haven’t reached out to him yet but basing on Mark’s stories, the younger is pretty convinced that Jaebeom finally cracked his head and realized his mistakes.

 

Mark’s train of thoughts was interrupted by a loud ringing and vibrating of a phone on their glass coffee table.  He looks at his husband’s phone and sees Youngjae’s name on the caller ID.

 

“Jaebeom-ah!  Youngjae is calling you, should I answer?”  Mark says and Jaebeom yells out a “yes” and Mark picked up the phone and was just about to swipe the green button to the right when it stopped ringing, the texts “You have one missed call” appearing on the screen.  Mark just shrugs—reminding himself to just tell Jaebeom to call his cousin back.

 

Mark was just about to place Jaebeom’s phone back on the table when it vibrated and dinged against his hand—indicating that a text message was sent.

 

Mark curiously looks at the preview of the message on the phone’s lock screen—and he sees that it was from Youngjae, however, upon reading the message, he felt his heart sink at the bottom of his stomach.

 

_“Jaebeom-hyung, the papers came through the mail this morning— are these complete?  Should I be seeing you and Mark-hyung tomorrow?”_

At that moment, Mark felt like the world stopped spinning, and the house around him is crumbling into pieces, his head twirling, and his mouth agape—he hasn’t even realized that he was holding his breath until he feels darkness surrounding his eyesight, and he lets out a huge, rattling breath—again, and again, and again until he feels like he’s almost hyperventilating.

 

Jaebeom sent in their _papers_ to Youngjae and now the younger lawyer is asking if both of them can come over _tomorrow,_ which is the _final_ day of the 30-day period—that can only mean one thing, right?

 

The divorce is _still happening._ It’s still pushing through despite the great improvement between him and his husband’s relationship.  The hugs, the kisses, the affections, the cuddling, the sweet nothings, the dinner dates, the humorous bickering, the jealousy, _everything._ They didn’t change _anything._ They didn’t change Jaebeom’s heart—he still thinks that Mark is not good enough.  Jaebeom is still convinced that he won’t be able to continue living with him, and he still wants them to go on their separate ways.

 

_Jaebeom still doesn’t love him._

His husband probably just did everything out of pity, that he wanted Mark to be happy before they finally break this marriage.

 

Why is Mark so stupid?  Why did he let himself believe that Jaebeom had already changed?  Why did he assume that just because he is being given kisses and hugs every day mean that his husband will not divorce him at the end of the 30-day period?

 

_Why did Mark allow himself to get hurt like this again?_

Unable to keep still and control the overwhelming urge to sob until his eyes feel like deserts, he rushes to the kitchen and washes his face thoroughly, taking in huge breaths, reminding himself that Jaebeom is just in the other room and he will not let his husband see him or give him an idea that he had read the message his cousin sent him.  He quickly wipes his face with the paper towels and pretended to rearrange Jaebeom’s lunch box when he hears their bedroom door opening, his husband humming to iKON’s Killing Me as he sits on the couch.

 

“ _Baby,_ were you able to speak with Youngjae?”  Jaebeom asks as he pockets his phone and picks up his case on the couch and Mark tries not to get affected by the pet name his husband has brought back from the dead.

 

“Oh, no.  He hangs up before I even get to answer…”  Mark is surprised his voice didn’t crack or his knees didn’t wobble as he walks towards the couch, handing the lunch box to his husband without making eye contact with him.  Jaebeom smiles at him and walks towards the door while looking at his phone and typing, and Mark assumes that he has responded to Youngjae’s message.

 

“I’ll see you tonight?”  Jaebeom says after he kisses Mark longingly on the lips, which almost made Mark bawl his eyes out, but he tamps down his sobs as he nods meekly, and Jaebeom waves goodbye at him cheerfully before he’s finally out the door.

 

Mark finally stopped pretending that he’s okay once he hears the familiar clink of the door being closed.  His legs gave out on him and he slumps on the floor on his knees and hands, sobbing his entire heart and soul out, his tears falling non-stop from his eyes, tears that he had kept since that day that Jaebeom asked for a divorce.

 

Mark clutches his chest as his sobs became louder and louder, his hiccups increasing in pitch and he just can’t seem to control his emotions by now, his tears flowing from his eyes like a waterfall, his whole body shaking as he lies on the floor and curling like a ball, hugging himself as he cries, and cries, and cries—which slowly turned into shouts and screams and yells, the unbearable, tormenting, and grueling ache in his heart feels like a huge dagger being stabbed in his chest by his own husband, pushing deeper and deeper, twisting it round and round and round, until he feels all his blood flowing out of the wound until he’s swimming in a pool of red, thick liquid.

 

Mark’s cries slowly died down, until all that’s left is his hiccups and uneven breaths, his throat scathed and burning, his mouth dry, and his whole body aching so, _so_ bad, which matches pretty much the state of his broken heart.

 

A lick on the side of his face and purr from behind his head snaps Mark back to reality, and he is finally seeing their dog right in front of his face, licking his tears while Nora nuzzles his nape and pawing on his hair and head.  He lays on his back slowly and he whines at the stiffness of his own body, he must’ve been lying on that position for quite some time.

 

With the change of his position, their pets suddenly jumped on him—their overzealous dog continues to lick his face and neck, while Nora chooses the perfect place to rest, his chest.  Mark tries to calm Coco down by petting his head and hugging him towards his neck, and the dog finally calms down—nuzzling Mark’s neck, and Mark feels a little less agonized, their daughters offering him comfort when they know he needs them the most.

 

When Coco and Nora finally fell asleep on his chest, he holds them tightly against his chest as he stands up on wobbly legs and blurry eyesight.  He is relieved when he didn’t fall on floor face first as he puts them on their respective cots—kissing their heads before he goes to the kitchen to drink two glasses of water.  He washes his face quickly and clears the haze in his mind.

 

He has finally decided on what to do next.

 

 

~*~

 

_“Good morning passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Los Angeles. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately twenty minutes time. Thank you.”_

Mark grabs his bag next to him and takes one last sip from his soda.  He wanted to go to the restroom first before onboarding the plane and to ready himself for a half a day flight to his hometown.

 

He spent the last hour or so at Subway eating a Pepperoni sandwich and a cookie with a large soda, his thoughts keep drifting back from yesterday when he books a flight to Los Angeles for today, lucky enough to catch an early morning flight, and to packing his stuff.  He decided to not bring all of his clothes, especially those Jaebeom loved to wear and considered his, as well as the shoes that the younger had given him as gifts.  He knows that he had also left a few more of his bags, underwear, or maybe luggage, but he thinks that he can always buy new ones when he’s in LA anyway, so he just left them all with the younger.

 

The hardest part was writing that long letter for Jaebeom.  He knows that his handwriting was sloppy and maybe incorrect at some point, but he never wrote that much in a long, long time—and it also involves very painful emotions, so he feels drained by the time he places that letter inside the drawer of their bedside table, reminding himself to put it next to the lamp by the time he leaves for his flight.

 

The ache on his lower back also reminded him of his and Jaebeom’s steamy night last night.  He can still feel Jaebeom’s lips and tongue against his skin and his hands gripping his body parts, and he knows that he shouldn’t have let himself indulge on his husband’s body, but he says that this is the last time anyway, he allowed himself to be kissed, fucked, and be brought to ecstasy by his future ex-husband, since he knows that he will never, ever get the chance again.

 

Mark tried not to look at Jaebeom’s relaxed, sleeping form on their bed before he goes out of their bedroom, but he can’t help it.  He scooted closer and pressed a quick kiss on his head, inhaling his scent before finally letting go, tears still brimming in his eyes as he walks out of the house as quickly and quietly as he can—waving good bye to their sleeping pets to the house that he had lived on for the last six years.

 

_Goodbye to his one and only love._

 

 

Once Mark is done with his business inside the washroom, he walks to the boarding area, trying his best to look strong despite the still lingering ache in his body and heart.

 

_You can do this, Mark._

He takes slow, big steps towards the boarding area and checks his watch, he has about 15 more minutes ‘til the boarding time, and he hears the announcement through the speakers once again.  He walks a little faster to not be late but abruptly stopping when his eyes meet a familiar figure a few meters away from him.

 

The _man_ is tall, _broad-shouldered,_ and he is wearing a long-sleeved white shirt, black sweatpants, and black bucket hat.  The guy was pacing and he seems like he’s looking for someone, but Mark cannot see his face since he’s still a little too far, but his physique is so much like Jaebeom, and the bucket hat looks really familiar.

 

_Is it Jaebeom?  Did his husband follow him at the airport?_

 

His heart started to beat a little too fast when the man finally faced him—the man’s lips curving into a smile before he started running towards his direction—and Mark is frozen in place.  He can’t help but cry, his tears brimming at the sides of his eyes when the man continues to run towards him.

 

_Is Jaebeom really here?  Is he going to stop me from leaving?_

Mark cannot seem to move and the man is just a few steps away from him, his eyes tearing up so the man’s face is still a blur, but his heart is telling him that this is _Jaebeom_ , and that his husband is _here,_ about to stop him from walking away from his life, stop him from leaving so that they can talk to Youngjae and retract the papers and tear them apart.

 

His day dream was shattered pretty badly though when he sees a girl from the other side of the hallway running towards the man’s direction—throwing herself shamelessly against the tall man, causing the man’s bucket hat to fly from his head, revealing his face.

 

He’s not his husband.  It was a stranger who just looks like Jaebeom.

 

His husband is not there, he didn’t follow him.

 

Mark wanted to punch himself.  Why is he like this?  Why is he being so pathetic?  Why is he still hoping that Jaebeom is going to come sweep him off of his feet when, if it’s not clear enough, the younger already expressed the interest in ending their marriage when he sent over their papers to his cousin?

 

The redhead wipes his tears with the tissues that he got from the washroom and composed himself.  He remembers what his best friend had said when they spoke at the café a week ago.

 

_He will try to be happy even without Jaebeom._

 

He should accept the fact that Jaebeom is _never_ coming for him.  He will never come running to have him back.  He will not follow him at the airport, or even in LA, because he already got what he wanted.

 

Mark lifted his chin up high—he is ready.  It will take him a while to finally accept everything, or even get over Jaebeom, but he needs to do it.  He walks to the boarding gate, handing his ticket and passport to the airline personnel, before making his way inside the plane, his head filled with just one thought.

_It’s over._

 

~*~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be really short compared to the first two chapters lol
> 
> Hit me up at @ygstan_ahgase :)))))))


	3. 03.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mark curled up in a ball on his rather smaller bed, just when he thought he’s done crying, he was so wrong. He realizes that his eyes seems to have an endless reservoir of tears, which is now falling non-stop once again, drenching his pillows, the painful reminder of his current situation breaking his heart again and again, a reminder that he is not married with Jaebeom anymore, that they had already divorced, and that he had to live his life alone, after relying on Jaebeom for almost 10 years for almost everything, with how easy the younger man had suggested them separating, because he thought that it was for the best._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _It hurts, it hurts so freaking much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! AN UPDATE! YOOHOO! Let’s celebrate!!! HAHAHAH
> 
> First and foremost I just wanted to apologize if this took so, so long to get posted, and for me to keep delaying the updates, and even change the initial plan of having just one last chapter instead of having three more to come (including this), it’s just that it’s taking too long and I just… wanted to properly divide it =^^= I know it’s a shitty reasoning but… well hahahaha that’s really just how it is! I promise that it wouldn’t take about 4 months for the last 2 chapters…. I [promise] :”)
> 
> Also, I wanted to greet everyone Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it :”) I hope this could serve as a Christmas present from me…….. I hope….. so…. Hahahahahahhaa!
> 
> I tried to beta this work myself but I am pretty sure that there’re still tons of errors so I wanted to apologize beforehand. Also, I might’ve included some unnecessary scenes but I can’t seem to have them deleted as well :( So I wanted to say sorry for that too…
> 
> That’s just about it!!! I hope you enjoy this 3rd chapter and, as always, comments and suggestions are always welcome!

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

It was exactly 3:00 AM in Los Angeles when Mark walks through the arrival gates of LAX.  It’s one of the busiest airports in the USA, or even in the world, but at these wee hours of the night, it seems like the airport has its downtime too.

 

Mark luckily fell asleep at the good half of the plane ride, while the rest of the hours were just spent watching movies or playing with his phone, or just looking outside through the small window of the plane in the business class seating, the skies which were once covered with sun and clouds transforming into darkness, with the moon smiling back at him, as if it’s understanding the current state of his heart and mind, while the stars continued to twinkle, making him smile a little, remembering a famous phrase that there will always be light even at the darkest nights, and Mark wanted to believe it at that moment.

 

He sees a few people waiting for their own loved ones or maybe friends, or business partners outside and he quickly spots two familiar figures at the far right—holding a small cardboard paper with his name written on it.  The handwriting is a little sloppy and has uneven strokes, and he approaches his sister and his brother-in-law with a wide smile when he realizes that the _banner_ might’ve been made by one of his lovely nieces.

 

Tammy and Roger returned his smile pretty quickly when they saw him coming—his sister immediately handing the banner towards her husband and meeting Mark half-way, engulfing him in a tight, warm hug, his sister’s face buried in his chest (because his sister is _way_ smaller than he is), and Mark returns the hug quickly, already feeling his eyes moisten just at the feeling of his sister’s warmth and her hug that tells him quietly that _you’re here, everything will be okay._

Roger walks towards them and pats Mark’s shoulder, and it took a few more seconds before the siblings pulled away, and Tammy reaches for Mark’s face, rubbing his slightly sunken cheeks and brushing his fringe from his face.

 

“You look even more tired than how you sounded 12 hours or so ago…”  Tammy’s face saddened at the sight of her brother’s distressed look—and Roger just looked away and takes a few steps back to give them a little bit of privacy.

 

“I’m okay…”  Mark’s forces a smile before hugging his sister once again.  “I’m feeling better now, because you’re here, sis.”  Mark bites his lower lip while Tammy rubs his back in big circles, and he hasn’t realized that his chest is already heaving because of how hard he’s trying to control his overwhelming emotions.

 

“Let’s get you home?”  Tammy asks as he holds Mark’s hand tightly, as Roger grabs his huge luggage, and he shares a quick hug with him as well, as the three of them walks out of the airport—not sharing words but mainly just warmth and understanding.

 

 

“Are you hungry?  We can drop by for some pizza?”  Tammy says as her husband drives them to their parent’s house in Arcadia.

 

“Domino’s?”  He smiles at his sister and Tammy smiles wider, and Roger turns to the left which leads to the nearest Domino’s location.

 

The three steps out of the car and made their way towards the pizza place, and Mark can feel his stomach growl loudly just at the thought of eating his favorite pepperoni pizza.  He hasn’t eaten much on the plane—so it’s not a surprise that he feels famished by the time he arrives.

 

Tammy orders a whole 10 inch pizza for Mark while she and Roger shared the other—and they just admired how Mark happily eats the slices one by one.

 

Mark feels full and there are two more slices of pizza left in his box, and he sees Tammy leaving for the restroom, leaving him and his brother-in-law alone.

 

“You are _hungry,_ bro.”  Roger gulps the rest of his water and Mark just laughed at him.

 

“I didn’t realize, to be honest…”  He takes a swig of his root beer.  “I didn’t eat much on the plane since I was sleeping the entire time…”  He fiddles with the bottle in his hand as he stares at the remaining slices on his box, a bittersweet memory flashing through his head without his consent.  He remembers him and Jaebeom going to this same exact place years ago, if he remembers correctly was their second anniversary, and Mark was craving for pizza like some mad ass pregnant woman.

 

Jaebeom drives them both to this place at two in the morning, the younger doing everything without complaining—ordering at the counter, almost feeding him his own slices, and uncapping his bottled water and root beer with an easy smile on his face.  He remembers the younger’s own box of pizza almost finished when he finishes all eight slices of his own, and there are two more remaining on his husband’s box. 

 

Two more slices that his husband gave him because he says that he’s full already, and that Mark looks like he wanted more.

 

“Mark?”  He hears Roger calling out for him, and he blinks his eyes to get away from the once great memory.

 

“I’m sorry I… I kinda lost you in there… You were saying?”

 

“Oh… I just said that after I drop you off, Tammy will stay with you while I look out for the kids.  My mom is watching over them at home at the moment—so that… you can talk to her…”  Roger says and Mark smiles at him—muttering a thank you and the older just squeezed his shoulder.

 

Tammy came back a few minutes later and Mark ate the last two slices of his pizza to try and drown the thought that flashed in his mind, before they’re finally off to their parent’s house.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Tammy unlocks the door and makes her way inside their parents’ house quietly, gesturing for Mark to come in—who’s carrying his luggage so that they won’t make unnecessary noises that would wake the old couple up.

 

The two didn’t share any more words the entire 30-minute drive, even when the two of them got out of the car and Roger waving them good bye after helping him out with his luggage from the trunk.  Right now, as the siblings slowly made their way up the house and straight to Mark’s room at the far right, they continued to be silent.  Not that they wanted to hide that Mark’s back in town, but Tammy knows that Mark is just holding everything in, and the least that he wanted is for their parents to come barging in as he cries his heart out in front of his sister.

 

They made it inside Mark’s old room in one piece, and Mark quickly drops his heavy luggage on the floor before sitting on the edge of the bed after taking off his hoodie.  He finds the room surprisingly clean—and before he can even ask his sister, Tammy started to talk.

 

“Mom keeps this clean all the time, if you’re wondering why it’s squeaky clean.”  Tammy smiles, dropping her bag on Mark’s study table, “I haven’t told her you came… at least not yet.”  She continues before sitting next to Mark on his rather small bed, while Mark just nods and continues to glance over his room, his heart feeling happy at the thought that his mother still continues to clean this despite him not being here often.

 

“Why did I not find that surprising…”  He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood, and Tammy joins him, before he felt a warm hand grabbing his own that is laid at either side of him, and he suddenly remembers the reason why he’s here in the first place.

 

“So….”  Tammy rubs her thumb over his palm before tapping his shoulder.  “Are you… ready to talk?  Or should you rest first?”

 

Mark nods, he is still tired from the flight, but his heart is also about to combust.  He wanted to let this pain in his chest out, and he knows that his sister deserves to know what exactly happened—why he came back to LA abruptly, and why he sounded so down before his flight took off, so, it’s much better to do it now, he thinks.

 

“J-J-Jaebeom a-and I… We…”  Mark starts, but sobs are already bubbling at his throat, his voice shaking and eyes watering, “divorced…”  The last word was muttered in an almost unrecognizable way, but Tammy seems to had heard him perfectly since he felt his sister’s arms wrapping around him in a tight hug.  Mark doesn’t even know that he already started sobbing, his face buried against his sister’s neck, his arms rounding her waist a little too tight, and he feels his sister’s hand rubbing soft, soothing circles on his back, while the other is on his head, running the tip of her fingers over his scalp, helping him relax as he continues to cry, his chest heaving almost dramatically, but he tries to keep his cries as soft as he can, not wanting for their parents to hear him, or to even be bothered by the cries that they might hear next door.

 

“It’s okay… Mark… Just let it all out… It’s going to be okay… I’m here… I’m here…”  Tammy continues to mutter reassurances against his ear, and Mark cannot seem to stop his tears from falling, feeling a little conscious about how he’s wetting his sister’s shirt, so he tries to pull away, but Tammy kept him closer, silently telling him that he doesn’t need to stop, and he can cry as long as he wants and needs.

 

Mark pulls away when his cries died down a little, and he finds his sister smiling back at him, though he can see some tears lingering at the side of her eyes, his sister kept her cool, maybe not wanting him to see that her heart is also breaking just at the thought of him and his husband divorcing, and how hurt he must’ve been because of that.  He wipes his face with the tissues Tammy handed him, as well as taking a few sips of the water they bought from Domino’s an hour or so ago.

 

Once Mark has calmed down and that he doesn’t feel that familiar lump in his throat whenever he tries to talk about these stuff to someone else, he looks at his sister, and Tammy nods, holding his hand tight, a silent encouragement and confirmation that she’s ready to listen to what he has to say and would not interfere.

 

Mark told his sister everything, from start to finish.  From two years ago when they started losing touch, up to the very last detail of Jaebeom sending in their divorce papers to his cousin, Youngjae, _everything._ How he thought the divorce wouldn’t be pushing through anymore since their relationship had almost went back to how they were during the first few years of their relationship.

 

Mark thought that he’s going to cry again, but, fortunately, it seems like he doesn’t have any more tears left to shed.  He lets out a huge breath after he told Tammy about his last minute plan of flying to LA, and his sister had been patient, rubbing circles against his back when he needed to stop talking when emotions are taking over him, handing him more tissues when he feels a few more tears escape, not interrupting him whatsoever.  Tammy just takes and takes, and gives one more bright, and encouraging smile when Mark finishes.

 

“I am so proud of you, my little brother…”  Tammy hugs him tight, “You have been so strong all throughout…”  Mark hears her sister sob a little, but she composed herself, “I am just sad that you kept this all to yourself… I could’ve helped you out if you had told me a little sooner… Offered you support while you’re going through those dreadful 30 days…”  She hugs him tighter, and Mark hugs her back just as tight.

 

“It’s okay, Tammy… You’re here now, and that’s all that matters to me…” Mark responds, before Tammy pulls back, wiping her tears away before looking at Mark sternly.

 

“I didn’t know that Jaebeom is capable of being such an asshole like that… We all loved him, just like how we love you—”

 

“Sometimes even _more_ than me, right?”  Mark chortles and Tammy pouts, but cannot argue.  “You shouldn’t be mad at him, he was just being honest with what he feels—”  Mark feels like he’s choking up all over again when he finally admitted the truth himself,  “I’d rather us be like this than have him stay, knowing that he no longer feels the same way…”

 

“How did you find out that he had sent your divorce papers to Youngjae though?”  Tammy asks after Mark takes a huge gulp of water.

 

“I accidentally saw a text from him when Jaebeom told me to answer Youngjae’s phone call on his behalf.”

 

“And what does it say?”

 

“It says that the papers came through that morning, and that he should see me and Jaebeom the next day… which—which is the day when we’re going to decide whether we should move forward with the divorce or not…”  Mark looks down at his hands, and Tammy feels bad over and over again.

 

“And him sending the papers in advance—”

 

“Yeah…”  Mark laughs a little, “It means just like what you’re thinking…”  Mark bites his lower lip, he’s _tired_ , he’s tired of going through this over and over again, and, right now, he just wanted to sleep.

 

“I’m sorry…”  Tammy hugs him again, and Mark takes it in, takes everything that he could get, anything that would help him recover from the hardest challenge life had given him.

 

To move on from the life that he had with Jaebeom, and from Lim Jaebeom himself.

 

 

Soon Tammy had sensed his brother’s exhaustion, so she asked him to take a quick shower while she makes some tea to help him relax and sleep.  Mark takes a quick one at his en-suite bathroom, and when he comes out, he saw his sister placing the cup of tea on the bed side table, along with some cookies.

 

“I’ll be by the room next door—feel free to call out to me if you need me, okay?”  Tammy hugs him once again, before walking out of the room and closing the door silently.  Mark just stares at the door even after it has closed, thanking his sister in his mind again and again, for her constant support and for always being there for him despite her being a busy and working mother for her two daughters.

 

Mark drinks the tea slowly, his insides warming and senses calming.  He finishes the tea and finally lies down on the bed, feeling so tired and sleepy that he think he can fall asleep in just minutes of breathing and taking the surroundings in.

 

Until he spots a photo frame at the bedside table.

 

It was a photo of him and Jaebeom on their wedding suits, their mothers on Mark’s side while the fathers on Jaebeom’s, the smiles on all of their faces say nothing but genuine happiness.  He can remember how happy he was when he walks down the small aisle of the courthouse, his handsome _husband_ holding back his tears where he’s waiting for him at the end of the pathway.  Mark’s eyes were also glimmering in happy tears, and when they’re finally face to face, Jaebeom just bursts out crying, and he remembers Tammy saying “Jaebeom your make up _that I did_ will be ruined so stop crying!!” but she was also crying herself (even more so than him and Jaebeom and him combined).

 

Mark curled up in a ball on his rather smaller bed, just when he thought he’s done crying, he was so wrong.  He realizes that his eyes seems to have an endless reservoir of tears, which is now falling non-stop once again, drenching his pillows, the painful reminder of his current situation breaking his heart again and again, a reminder that he is not married with Jaebeom anymore, that they had already divorced, and that he had to live his life alone, after relying on Jaebeom for almost 10 years for almost _everything,_ with how easy the younger man had suggested them separating, because he thought that it was for the best.

 

_It hurts, it hurts so freaking much._

Mark eventually fell asleep, his face still drenched with fresh tears when he was finally tired of all the things that happened over the last day, and, to be honest, over the last month or so.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

“Mark, son?”  Mark hears a very familiar voice trying to coax him to wake up.  “Honey, it’s almost dinner time, aren’t you hungry?”  Mark slowly opens his swollen, red eyes, and he closes them quickly when he felt a slight sting on them.

 

“Mom?”  He murmurs before he slowly sits up on his bed, rubbing his eyes gently so that he can open them and finally see his mother right in front of him clearly.

 

“Yes it’s me, are you okay?”  Dorine cups his cheek tenderly, and Mark nods quickly, before he reaches out to give his mother a bear hug.

 

“I missed you… You and Dad…”  Mark buries his face on his mother’s neck, and he felt Dorine’s hands rubbing his scalp and back, just like how Tammy did a few hours earlier.

 

“I missed you too, my baby…”  Dorine kissed his head before she pulls away, cradling Mark’s face with her gentle hands.

 

“What time is it, Mom?”

 

“It’s almost six—Tammy is already downstairs with the kids and Roger, and your Dad.  I came up here to check if you, perhaps, wanted to eat?”  She asks and Mark nods.

 

“Of course, of course I would love to, Mom!”

 

“I prepared your favorite dishes, so wash up and come down quickly, okay?”  Dorine kisses his forehead once more before clutching and rubbing his shoulders.  Mark had a hunch that she has at least an idea as to why he came running back home on a short notice, but Mark is sure that his mother wouldn’t ask him anything yet.

 

“Alright, give me a few minutes and I’ll be downstairs.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark was welcomed by almost his whole family when he went to the dining room.  Tammy offers him a small smile, while his nieces immediately jumped on him, kissing him on the cheeks and clinging on to him.

 

“We miss you Uncle Mark!”  Leila says before pressing a loud kiss on his cheek, while Kylie just continued to hug him and tell him how much she misses him.  Mark lifts both of them up and perches them on either side of his hips, making the girls squeal and wrap their arms around their uncle’s neck.

 

Mark laughs along with the girls when he twirls them around, feeling a little less agonized being with the presence of his family.  He meets his father’s eyes across the room, his father offering him a firm nod and a smile, though a little sad, the elder’s eyes glimmer with joy upon seeing his eldest son home.

 

“Alright girls, that’s enough, your Uncle Mark needs to eat and you guys too…”  Tammy stands up before _forcefully_ entangling the girls from Mark’s grip.  Leila coaxed immediately, being older made her a little less stubborn, but Kylie kept her small arms around her Uncle Mark, and Mark convinced Kylie to get off of him as long as they sit next to each other on the dining table.

 

Finally, all of them had gathered around the round table, but not before Mark places a hug and a kiss on the cheek for both of his parents.

 

The dinner was lively, despite the inner turmoil in Mark’s heart and the shallow longing he feels for not having his husband by his side this time, everything is almost perfect, _almost_.  The laughter that they share, the stories of their childhood and family trips resurfacing, bringing out joyous and high-pitched laughter from him and his Mom, the others teasing them about it because they sounded so alike.  Them face-timing Joey who’s currently in Taiwan (whom Mark visited not too long ago), and his younger brother asked him if he was okay (Tammy must’ve told everyone about what happened to him and Jaebeom already, saving Mark from any possible chances of crying _again)_ , and Mark responds that he is feeling a whole lot better being there, and having to talk to him and the rest of the family.

 

When they’re all trying to recover from the story that Raymond had shared about how Dorine used the expensive perfume Mark had given him last year for his birthday as a bathroom freshener, the woman claiming that _she doesn’t know,_ and they continued to bicker cutely, Mark’s mother pinching his Dad’s arm, and, in return, as if asking for silent forgiveness, Mark’s Dad hugs his wife tight, and the fond smile that spread across Dorine’s face tells them that their Dad is already forgiven.

 

Before Mark can even stop himself, he was suddenly reminded of the _ramen date_ Jaebeom and him had just a week or so ago—when they both came home feeling full in the stomach and _heart,_ when his husband showered him with kisses as soon as they stepped in inside their house, their playful banters and bickering about him giving the roses to the young server at the restaurant, how Jaebeom insists that he wanted his flowers so Mark should give him one of these days, until they’re tickling each other on the bed before calling it a truce, his husband engulfing him in a bear hug, and, just like how his mother reacted, his resolve melting like butter on a heated pan.

 

“Hey, Uncle Mark, why are you crying?”  Kylie brought him out of his thoughts, her small hands pulling at his shirt and Mark blinks his eyes rapidly, just realizing that he was already, indeed, _crying._ Crying _again_ at the memory of him and his now ex-husband.

 

_God, it’s only been a day and I’m missing him so bad._

Mark can feel arms around his neck, and he instantly recognized them as his mother’s.  The woman places a kiss on top of his head, her arms around his neck tightening a little bit and he feels another hand on his shoulder, the hold somewhat sturdier and tighter, and he knows that it’s his father, and that really didn’t help him so much, and the dam has somewhat reopened.

 

Mark was sobbing again, hiding his face in his hands, and he didn’t notice Tammy and Roger leaving the dining room, distracting their daughters from what’s happening with him, Tammy silently crying again upon seeing his brother in pure agony.

 

“It’s going to be okay, son… It’s going to be okay…”  Raymond mutters and Mark removes his hands from his face to hug his parents, the two of them continues to murmur words of encouragement.

 

“This too will pass, son… You are a strong man… You’ll get through this… I know… Because you’re our son… You’re capable of things beyond imaginable…  We’re here for you, always, okay?”  His father’s wise words ring heavily against his ears and he slowly pulls away, wiping his tears and feels slightly embarrassed that he broke down in front of them.

 

“Sorry… Mom, Dad…”

 

“No need to be sorry, baby…”  Dorine kisses his forehead, “We will never take this against you, you can cry all you want, I know this is tough and hard for you… we’ll help you feel better, no matter how long it takes…”  She says, and his parents hug him once again.

 

Good thing they’re finished with dinner when Mark made a _scene,_ so he excused himself up at his room, remembering that he hasn’t informed his co-workers about his whereabouts yet.  He thanks and kisses his parents good night, while, Tammy, along with his nieces when they emerged from the guestroom—telling that they’re going home as well, but will come back tomorrow for lunch.

 

“Goodnight, sis, Roger.”  He hugs his sister and brother-in-law, before crouching to hug and kiss his lovely nieces, the two giggling once again when Mark tickles them, trying to show the kids that he is okay and that they don’t need to worry about him when he cried earlier, saying that he just got a stain on his eyes.

 

The family are off in just a few minutes, leaving him alone in the foyer, he lets out a breath before climbing up the stairs to his room.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“You’re back in LA, Mark?  Since when?”  Seungyoon asks incredulously—and Mark is thankful that he caught the slightly younger man at their office before he left and call it a day.  He did text him that he won’t be in the office for the next two days, but he knows that his colleague will be really surprised knowing that he’s back at his hometown.

 

“Since Tuesday…”  Mark murmurs, “And I think I won’t be coming back to Korea any time soon…”  His friend gasped on the other end, and before the other man can react, Mark interrupts him, “So I need you to take care of the business there while I situate here, you’ll be the new boss there, Seungyoon-ah…”  He tries to sound delighted, but he knows that the highly observant and intelligent Kang Seungyoon will see through his façade.

 

“ _Hyung…”_ He started and Mark closes his eyes, before letting out a breath, “What happened?  You left all of a sudden and without even saying goodbye to us, and now you’re saying that you won’t be coming back here any time soon?  What’s wrong?”  Seungyoon asks, his voice a little raspy, maybe because of worry, and Mark just lets out a sigh.

 

“I…”  He chokes on his breath, but he is glad that he doesn’t feel like crying right now, “Jaebeom and I are no longer together… So I decided to leave and stay here… for good...”

 

“What?”  He hears the younger _almost_ shouting, “We just saw you go on a date a week ago, what the—”

 

“I’m sorry…”  Mark mumbles, “I can’t really talk about it right now… Maybe some other time?”  Mark rubs his forehead, he is tired again even though he just woke up hours ago, all the crying he did over the last 24 hours and talking it out with his sister left him with almost zero energy.

 

Mark hears Seungyoon let out a breath, before he speaks, “Okay.  But I want to know if you’re alright, hyung?”

 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me…”  Mark assures the slightly younger man, before they jumped into the technical and work stuff.  Mark was surprised that he has handled their _work_ conversation in a really professional way, it’s not as if he just cried his eyeballs out over his recent divorce.  He talked about how Seungyoon would take care of his tasks when he was still there, also apologizing to the younger of how sudden this whole transition thing is.  The good thing though is that he is already molding Seungyoon to do his tasks, in case Mark would open another branch or something.

 

Mark sends his regards to Mino and Yugyeom, their closest friends at work, as well as their other employees.  He requested Seungyoon to not disclose the whole divorce thing yet, and Seungyoon whines saying that that goes without saying.

 

Once his conversation with Seungyoon is done, he immediately checks the other messages on his phone, both via messaging and some in his Kakaotalk.

 

There are about five messages from Jinyoung, the messages are all in the same line, asking where he is, then, later on, asking if he had arrived in LA safely despite the incoming storm that noon when he left South Korea.

 

He remembers texting Jaebeom’s best friend and his cousin, Youngjae, that he is leaving Korea and that they should take care and to watch out for Jaebeom in case he gets stubborn and wouldn’t take care of himself well.  He didn’t get to see their responses because he sent those when the plane was about to take off.  However, what surprises him is that Jinyoung _knows_ where he went, despite him not telling him and the lawyer.  Though there’s really nowhere else he can go to be honest, if the younger brunette does know him well enough.

 

He had also thought that Jaebeom might’ve already told Jinyoung about the letter, and, for a split second, he had wondered as to why the younger is still showing concern and reaching out to him despite him already leaving, but he instantly regretted it.  Jinyoung is still his friend, _one of his good friends,_ so he feels bad for thinking of Jinyoung in that way.

 

Mark responds to him briefly, saying that he did arrive safely and offhandedly mentioned that he is staying with his parents, Jinyoung responded immediately—saying if he could, perhaps, take a call, but Mark responded that he is about to go to sleep, and that they can try talking in the morning instead.  Jinyoung texts with OK, and then asks if he has plans of going to _his_ house or would be staying with his parents for a while, and, normally, Mark would find it suspicious, because why would Jinyoung need those information?  But, he’s just _tired,_ and he honestly just wanted to end this conversation and move on to Jackson’s and Youngjae’s texts, then go to sleep and call it a day.

 

Luckily, Jinyoung seemed to have gotten what he wanted, though Mark is uncertain as to what it is, the younger wished him goodnight, and he didn’t respond anymore.  He decided to open his best friend’s messages (there are tons of it) a little later, and opens the one from the young lawyer.

 

_Mark-hyung, are you okay?  Why did you leave?  You and Jaebeom-hyung are supposed to meet me today, right?  Jaebeom-hyung hasn’t contacted me as well, do you know where he is?  Hyung?_

_So his husband still hasn’t reached out to his cousin_ , apparently, but Mark doesn’t even have the energy to think about it.  He felt bad for ignoring the lawyer’s message, but it was sent a few hours after he left for his flight, so, most likely, Jaebeom and him already met later that day since there were no other messages from his ex-husband’s cousin.

 

Mark took a huge breath before checking Jackson’s messages, and he’s not completely surprised that the younger was ecstatic.  He had sent a long message to his best friend telling him about the situation, and that to accept both his and Jaebeom’s decision to end their marriage.  Mark wanted to laugh because he can totally imagine Jackson saying those texts that he had sent him that day, almost yelling at him and asking the whys and why nots, why did they push through with it when, just a few days ago, he said that Jaebeom was being nice, etc.  Mark just silently hopes that he didn’t go to Jaebeom’s house and caused a scene, because that’s something that he definitely didn’t want to handle right now.

 

Upon reading the last few, recent messages of Jackson, Mark cannot help but raise an eyebrow.  It was along the same lines with what Jinyoung had asked him, like where he is staying, if he was safe, and all.  Mark wonders what Jackson and Jinyoung were up to, but he can’t think of anything, they can’t be planning on coming to LA at that short notice, right?  So why are they so curious about his whereabouts?

 

Mark was pulled out of his deep thinking when his phone suddenly rang—the device vibrating against his hand as he sees his best friend’s caller ID on the screen.

 

He might’ve told Jinyoung that he is not available to talk but, of course, his best friend would still do whatever the hell he wants.

 

_“So you responded to Jinyoung but not me?  I thought I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND!”_

Mark just shakes his head at the always sulking, younger man.

 

“Sorry, just going through your messages, and just about to respond when you texted.  What’s with you two, though?  I’m just here at my parents just like what I told Jinyoung.  Are you two together?”

“RIGHT.  Yes, we are, just hanging out and talking about you, actually, and how I wanted to punch Jaebeom-hyung’s face but I can’t because you two will get mad at me.”

Mark snorted, of course Jackson would say that.  He hears Jinyoung’s giggle on the background, before the other man speaks up, he must’ve been on speaker phone.

 

“I’m sorry, Mark-hyung, I know you told me that you can’t take a call but you know how Jackson is.”  Jinyoung’s calming voice booms against the speaker and he giggles a bit.

 

“Don’t worry, Jinyoung-ah, I completely understand what you mean.”

 

“So you two are still going to bully me even though Mark-hyung is thousands of miles away?”  Jackson feigned offense and Mark can’t help but giggle loudly, despite his voice still a little strained and hoarse.

 

“It’s always fun to tease you, Jackson.”  Mark says again and he hears Jackson scoff and for sure was about to say something once more, but he interrupts him, “But seriously, Seun-ah, it’s completely unnecessary to punch Jaebeom, he is still your friend, don’t forget that.”

“I am not forgetting anything, hyung, I am just disappointed on what he did, and that’s all.  I can’t think about our friendship at the moment knowing that he had hurt you so much.”

Mark sighs and immediately gets sad because Jackson might take some time to even see or talk to his ex-husband at this point.

 

“I told you on my initial message, your friendship with Jaebeom shouldn’t be affected just because we separated.”  Mark still tried to make sense with the younger, and he was rewarded by a sigh.

“I understand, I will try.  Better get some rest now and enjoy your time with your family.  Please send my regards to them.” 

“Will do, thank you, Jacks, and Jinyoung.  Talk soon.”

 

“Talk soon, Mark-hyung.”  Jackson says.

 “Talk and see you soon, hyung… hopefully.”  Jinyoung responds and he hums, before he ends the call.

Mark expected Jackson to argue further, maybe repeat what he had told him initially when their phone call started, but he is more grateful, since he is still exhausted, and just wanted the comforts of his bed once again, even though he was just up for about 4 hours.  However, he can’t deny that the call with his friends made him feel a little better, though still tiring nonetheless.

 

Mark is also trying to ignore the pain that shoots his chest when he didn’t see any messages from Jaebeom, telling himself that the younger already got what he wanted, so there’s really no point on reaching out to him, even just simply asking if he had arrived in LA safely just like what Jinyoung and Jackson asked him, or maybe inform him that he had already spoken with his cousin and that their divorce has finally been confirmed and will be legally approved in a few weeks, and when would he expect to have his own copy of the signed documents.

 

Mark tamps down the slight disappointment in his chest, maybe it’s much better this way, he thinks, that Jaebeom should just completely shut him down like he never existed, because the younger would think that it would be easier for Mark if they would have no contact whatsoever, aside from legalities and divorce matters.

 

With a heavy sigh, Mark sets his phone and laptop aside before stretching and yawning loudly, shaking his head to compose himself.  His head is still throbbing and his eyes are still swollen from crying almost the whole day at random times (even at the dinner table, which he was _so_ _embarrassed_ about), and even after showering for almost half an hour.  He bounces back towards the fluffy mattress before slipping in to the cocoon of blankets, already about to dose off yet again when he hears small knocks on the door.

 

“ _Yien_?  Can I come in?”  His mother’s small voice echoed through his room and he sat up straight before answering a ‘yes’ that would be loud enough for his mother to hear.

 

“You about to go to sleep?”  Dorine says as she approaches Mark’s bed and he smiles, nodding, and his mother returns it, before sitting on the bed next to him.  Mark immediately snuggled next to her, hugging hair waist and Dorine laughs heartily and high-pitched, no wonder why Mark’s laughs are also high-pitched and adorable, because he got it from his Momma.

 

Dorine settles comfortably next to Mark, the young man’s head resting against her lap and arms around her waist.  Mark’s mother started make some soothing motions against his scalp and shoulders.  Mark closes his eyes and scooted closer to his mother, before he makes some chuckling sound when he hears his mother humming to the sound of Mark’s favorite Chinese lullaby song when he was younger.

 

“I’m not a baby, Mom.”  He giggles once again when his mother taps his chin.

 

“You will always be my baby boy, _Yien,_ now shut it, and get some sleep, I’ll be here.”  Mark felt his mother kiss the top of his head, before she continues to now fully sing the song instead of just humming it like what she did moments ago, and Mark no longer has the heart to argue—he just settles more comfortably against his mother’s side, closes his eyes, and let his mother’s soothing voice calm his nerves, and slowly cradle him to a peaceful slumber.

 

 

~*~

 

_“Jaebeom!!”_

_Mark cries, loudly, as he sees Jaebeom walking away from him into the vast, dark ocean.  His husband didn’t spare a glance at him, he just walks and walks, the water now reaching the younger’s broad shoulders._

_“Jaebeom!!!  Jaebeom!!!  You’re going to drown!  Please!   Don’t leave me!  Come back, please!!!”_

_All of a sudden, Jaebeom was no longer in sight, the ocean had also disappeared, and Mark finds himself standing by the door of_ their _living room, back in Seoul.  He hears the front door open, and sounds of laughter started filling his ears, sounds of_ men _laughing, along with a small, giggling sound of a_ girl, _and Mark follows the sound and tilted his head to the side, only to see his now ex-husband with a faceless man_ , _carrying a little girl in his arms while the other is holding a bag of groceries._

_They all just walked past him while he stands dumbly at the door of the living room, the other man putting the groceries on the kitchen table while Jaebeom proceeds to sit on the couch with the lovely, little girl now perching on his lap.  Not long after, he sees the faceless man sitting next to his husband, hugging him and their daughter as Jaebeom showers his head with kisses, before giving the little girl a share of her own._

_Mark cannot help but cry and fall on his knees at the perfect picture the three of them are painting.  This is the kind of family that he had been dreaming of for him and Jaebeom.  He had always wanted to have a daughter and a son and raise them together with his husband, but he guesses that it will never happen, no matter how hard he tries._

_Mark sobs, hard, yelling until his throat is scorched, until he hears his name being called._

_MARK!_

_MARK!_

_It’s a woman’s voice, and it sounded so familiar—_

“Mark!”

 

Mark opens his tear-stricken eyes, only to be welcomed by his sister’s worried face, her hands clutching on his tensed shoulders.

 

“Are you okay?  You were… shouting in your sleep?  Is it a nightmare?”  Tammy asks and Mark still cannot speak, his breaths are still a little choppy from his _dream,_ and he sucks in a few more loud and rattling breaths while sitting up from his bed, his sister sitting down next to him at the edge of it.

 

“Yeah…”  He managed to force out when his wind pipe cleared out a bit.  “It’s just a bad dream, I’m okay…”  He trails off before wiping the tears on his face using his shirt.  “I’m sorry, did I worry you?”

 

“Of course… I thought something had happened…”  His sister wraps an arm around his shoulders before pushing him closer to her and resting her cheek against his head.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m okay, don’t worry now, sis…”  He rubs his sister’s arm for reassurance, and the older woman seemed to buy it, pulling away slowly before assessing Mark’s features.

 

“It’s alright, though you have terrible bed hair,”  Tammy ruffles it a bit before fixing it and smiling at her younger brother, “I came up here to let you know that lunch is ready, we allowed you to sleep through breakfast since you needed it, but lunch is necessary, and you know that.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”  Mark chuckles, knowing their mother’s concern whenever they skip meals, especially lunches since none of them are early risers when they were kids.  “I’ll clean up a bit and follow you guys downstairs.”

 

“Good.  Grace and her wife are coming, and Roger is on his way with the kids.  They should be here when you’re done.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Lunch was definitely livelier and much more fun than their dinner last night, as per Mark, because of the addition of his other sister, Grace, and her wife, they were louder while Joey stayed all throughout lunch via Facetime.  He had laughed loudly and genuinely the first time he got there when they brought up an embarrassing childhood memory of their youngest sibling, even their father joined in on the teasing (which is natural), until the youngest was whining through Grace’s phone which made all of them laugh heartily.

 

Mark was distracted the whole time, and ate a lot of food that his mother and sisters prepared and brought.  The Chung sisters even showed him some of the art assignments they did that day at summer school and Mark was smiling widely when Leila showed him a drawing of him and her, hand in hand, at their backyard.

 

“Is this me?”  He confirms, thought it was obvious that it is _him_ because the words “Uncle Mark” are scribbled right next to the man on the drawing.  Leila looked at him as if he’s joking, he didn’t really expect anything less.

 

“Of course, Uncle Mark, it’s written here, look.”  Leila pointed at the place where his name was written and Mark cannot help but ruffle the girl’s hair before kissing her on the forehead as a thank you, telling her that he’ll take care of the drawing.  Grace’s wife even complimented that Leila looks exactly like Mark when he was younger, and the girl would pass as his daughter if they were seen together alone.

 

Mark’s thoughts, as traitorous and betraying as they are, suddenly drifted to the _dream_ that he had that morning—composing of his _ex-husband,_ another man, and a beautiful girl.  It was just his luck that the lunch is already over, and that the ladies are already clearing the table while his father and Tammy’s husband are having a conversation, so they won’t be able to see his expressions going blank all of a sudden.

 

“Bro,” He felt a tap on his shoulder—it was his sister, Grace, and he shakes off the dreadful thoughts in his mind immediately, smiling at her before he stands up.  His sister opens her arms wide and Mark leans into her embrace, her hold tight but there is a lingering softness in it, and Mark appreciates it so much.

 

“I’ve heard from Tammy, I’m so sorry about what happened to you and Jaebeom.”  She says when they both pulled away, and Mark just nods before offering another smile, not showing how much his heart still hurts just by the plain mention of his ex-husband’s name.

 

“Thank you, Grace.”

 

“I know it’s going to take a while to get over, or even move on, but… Don’t forget that we’re here for you, okay?  Whenever you need us, we’ll be here, because we’re family.”  Grace embraces him once again and Mark hugs her tight, nodding against her shoulder as if to confirm that he believes her, he believes all of them, and that he’ll be okay, soon enough.

 

 

 

It was around 3 when Grace and her wife left, saying that they have a birthday party to attend to, and Mark was by the pool, sitting on one of the pool chairs as he stares at the moving water where his nieces are swimming, along with their parents. 

 

“Are you not joining us, Mark?  Come on!  Hop in!”  Tammy yells at him but he just waves his hand before murmuring a ‘later’.  However, the truth is, the sound of the small waves and splashes the family makes when they jump in the water, along with the sun rays hitting the blue and chlorine-stained water reminds him of something else—a body of water that is so much bigger with waves that are much, much taller than they have on their house pool.

 

Mark quietly slips out of the pool area before entering their house and climbing up the stairs to his room.  He packed some essentials, in case he would decide to swim once he reaches his destination, before running down the stairs in search for his father.

 

He sees Raymond at the living room watching some TV while his mother is napping next to him on their couch with a blanket over her small form.

 

“Dad?”  Mark stands in front of the older man before he looks up to him.

 

“Yes, Yien?  Do you need anything?  Are you going out?”  The older man asks in Taiwanese, landing a hand on his wrist in worry when he sees the backpack that is slung over his shoulder.

 

“Y-yeah… I will just go to the beach for a while.  Can I borrow the keys to my old pick up?  I will be back for dinner tonight, I promise.”

 

His Dad looks at him as if he’s complimenting whether to allow his oldest son to go out by himself at the beach, especially in his current condition.  He stands up and pulls Mark closer, clutching both of his shoulders before looking at his eyes, “Are you sure you’re okay going out and driving alone?  I can drive you there if you want, I will leave you by yourself and wait in the car, or even drive away?  Then text me if it’s time to pick you up?”

 

Mark can’t help but giggle a bit over his Dad’s protectiveness that’s always innate in him, “Dad, don’t worry.  I’m almost 30—I’m not a _child,”_ He laughs once again before holding his father’s wrist, rubbing it slowly, “I’ll be okay, and… I just…” He bites his lower lip before he continues, “The sea always calms me down ever since I was a kid, right?  I just wanted to spend some time alone there, listening to the waves and watch the sunset…”  Mark pouts a little and he can see his father’s restraints crumbling little by little.

 

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid—”

 

“That’s not what I meant—”

 

“I know it’s not what you meant…”  Mark says, “But I just feel the need to say it...” He pauses for a bit before looking at his father again, “Will you trust me on this, Dad?”

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Once Jaebeom had read the end of the letter, he cannot seem to stop his tears from falling.

 

Mark has really left, and he had shown no intentions of coming back.  Mark thinks that he doesn't love him, thinks that he really did forget about how much he loved him.

 

He had hurt his husband so much by initiating the divorce in the first place, for letting his husband think that he's not worthy of being loved, of being kept, he thinks that he's not the kind of husband who's worth keeping and living with for the rest of his life.

 

Mark thinks it was his fault and Jaebeom cannot forgive himself for giving his husband that thought.

 

Jaebeom sobs loudly, his voice cracking, his chest felt like claws are being pushed inside his heart, and started ripping it apart, piece by piece, until all that's left is blood, shards of his heart that is beating for just one man, the man who already left him because he was stupid, he was an asshole, a jerk, he doesn't even know if he can call himself a decent human being for doing this to Mark in the first place.

 

Mark only deserves the best things in the world, yet Jaebeom gave him the worst feeling and thinking ever.

 

What would Jaebeom do right now?  He loves his husband more than anything in this world, how is he going to survive the rest of his life living without him?

 

He needs to do something, right now, before it's too late.

 

Jaebeom immediately finds his phone on the bedside table, and presses on his number one speed dial.

 

_“The number you’ve dialled is either unattended, or out of coverage area, please try again later.”_

_Oh God._

Jaebeom tries, again, and again, and again—but the automated voice of a woman muttering the same words is all that Jaebeom can hear, not even a voicemail so that he can leave his husband a message, or at least to tell him to call him back.

 

At the 10th attempt to reach Mark, Jaebeom was welcomed by the same robotic voice and, just out of plain frustration, he throws his phone across the room, the device landing on the cemented wall of their bedroom before crashing on the wooden floor harshly, the glass screen shattering into pieces, but Jaebeom cannot hear it or didn’t even give a single _fuck_ about what happened to his expensive phone, he just continues sobbing, his hands covering his face, thinking about how fucked up he is, how _he fucked up_ his relationship with his loving husband, how much of an idiot and a jerk he was to Mark for the last month, or, if Jaebeom is being very honest, for the last almost two years.

 

Jaebeom doesn’t know how long has he been there, sitting at the edge of the bed just sobbing his heart out, his mind replaying all those times that he spent with Mark since he suggested filing for a divorce, how sad Mark was on that day and on the following days until they met Youngjae, how small and insecure Mark was when he asked a favor from Jaebeom for the remaining days of their marriage, how Mark began to smile those signature happy smiles again a few days into their agreement, when Jaebeom slowly realizes how much he misses his husband’s warmth and his comforting words and touches, his mindfulness and being a caring husband despite him balancing majority of the house works and handling his own Art business, the way Mark was disappointed when he stopped showing him affection that day when his older colleague told him about the changes in his behavior since he started developing dangerous feelings, the jealousy he felt over Jackson that he hasn’t felt in _years_ hitting him full-force when he saw him and his husband together at the café, and the morning after when he kissed Mark’s lips for the first time in a very long time, how much he loves the feeling of Mark underneath him, kissing those plump lips of his, until the day that they made love last night, how much his body burned and yearned to feel his husband as close as possible, to be inside him and his mouth and tongue down Mark’s throat, his hands on the smaller man’s body parts, how much he longed to be _connected_ with the redhead until they both reached their own highs, him completely realizing and accepting on that same moment how much he loves Mark and how sorry he was for attempting to break their marriage off.

 

Jaebeom’s throat burns at the overwhelming need to cry until his eyes go dry—how can he be such an evil person? Why did he did all those things to deliberately hurt Mark?  His husband had suffered a lot during those times, and he is not even aware of it—he doesn’t even care about it because all he had in mind was he wanted to get away because he doesn’t want to hurt him further by letting him know that he is not feeling the same anymore, but, what he doesn’t realize is that upon saying those words to the older, he had already broke him, even before this divorce had begun.

 

Jaebeom then started to pull at his hair and punch his chest, an attempt to hurt himself for being such a heartless person towards his one and only love, for being so stupid and jumping into conclusions without even trying to work things out with Mark.  He immediately thought of Jinyoung’s words when they initially spoke about this arrangement, and Jinyoung was disappointed and his last words was he hopes that he would realize his mistake before it’s too late.

 

He did realize his mistake, that’s true, but he was already too late.

 

Would Mark even want to come back to him even if he says those words?  Would he even consider coming back to Jaebeom and _trust_ him again that he won’t get hurt?  How can he prove to Mark that he still loves him and that he _never_ unloved him?  That he was just stupid and dumb and oblivious to all the changes that happened between the two of them that _he thought_ he fell out of love, but he was just being untrue to himself and was a coward, that instead of facing their problems, he chose to run away and disengage himself, causing this entire misery to be dropped on his head, and also made his husband suffer, even more than how he is suffering right now.

 

_What should Jaebeom do?_

 

Jaebeom eventually stopped crying, he was just staring at the wall of their bedroom that his husband painted years ago when they moved in.  It was beautiful, just like him, his Art is an actual representation of the older, beautiful, _raw,_ his emotions bleeding through the colors and the images he forms whenever he does his art, and Jaebeom covers his face once again.

 

_How can I possibly move on like this without even doing anything?_

Doing anything…

 

Jaebeom thought, and he then realized that he had thrown his phone on the other side of the wall and he quickly sprinted to get a hold of it.  Luckily, the phone is still working despite the screen being cracked, but it’s mostly just the tempered glass, thought he can see a huge gash at the side of it, that he knows is on the actual screen of his phone.  The time shows 7:20 AM.

 

_Maybe I can still catch him._

 

Jaebeom thinks that he may not be in his proper mind at that moment because he has zero idea what time did Mark left last night or maybe at the crack of dawn, so he’s not sure if the older is actually _still_ at the airport, but he doesn’t care, he totally doesn’t when he grabs a coat and some sweatpants from his closet, swiftly dressing up before grabbing his wallet and sprinting towards the door—grabbing his and Mark’s favorite sneakers—his hands shaking as he slips his foot one at a time.  He was just about to stand up after tying his shoelaces up when he hears furious knocks on their door, the person on the other side of the door seemed to be _angry,_ if the loud knocks and how he almost sees the door rattle at the force of the person’s fist (or maybe palm) against their mahogany door.

 

For a split second, Jaebeom thought that it might Mark, and the reason why he’s knocking furiously is because he realized that he can’t leave Jaebeom as well, and that he was too emotional to even remember the passcode to their home.  So, without a single doubt in his mind, he approaches the door, immediately opening it only to be welcomed by another person, not Mark.

 

 

~*~

 

 

The man immediately enters their home without being prompted to come in by the brunette who opened the door.  The guy who just entered slammed the door behind him—while Jaebeom is still wide-eyed, with shock, or maybe not?  The fact that he was thinking or _imagining_ seeing Mark on the other side of the door made him stop thinking and just continued staring at the blonde who just came in as if he doesn’t know him—or he would magically turn into his husband.

 

“What did _fuck_ you do? Why the hell did Mark-hyung leave?  What’s going on, Jaebeom?”

 

Normally, Jaebeom would get mad at the younger man not addressing him as _hyung_ even though the blond is just two months younger than him—but, at this situation, he thinks that he deserves it.

 

“Jackson I gotta—”

 

“He _left._ He left Korea for good and went back to LA because of _you._ Do you really hate my best friend that much?  Do you really not love him?  He told me your relationship had improved but why did _he have to fucking leave?”_ The blond was immediately crowding Jaebeom’s space, leaning closer and closer until Jaebeom is against the wall, and, for obvious reasons, Jaebeom started crying again, he doesn’t know how to answer Jackson because he himself doesn’t know why Mark left too.  He wanted to tell him that he had felt the same thing, that they’re improving and that they won’t go through the divorce anymore when they meet Youngjae today, but he _can’t._ He can’t even talk because he felt himself choking up again—and tears fell once again.

 

“JAEBEOM!”  Jackson holds the elder’s shoulder when he threatened to fall on the floor on his knees.  “What the hell is going on?  What the fuck have you done?”  Jackson practically yelled on Jaebeom’s face, and Jaebeom shakes his head.

 

“I—I don’t know… I don’t know!  I… I didn’t know it will come down to this—”

 

“But it fucking did!  Mark messaged me saying that he’s leaving and he’s not coming back because you two had already divorced when just a few days ago you two even went out on a _date!_ What the fuck does that supposed to mean?  Did you do that out of pity?  Do you think playing my best friend like a fool like that makes you happy?  What kind of sick fucking game you’re playing here?”  The blond aggressively throws Jaebeom’s supposedly larger body on the floor when the older still hasn’t said any word, which aggravated Jackson’s already fiery mood.

 

 

The second he had read Mark’s message upon waking up, Jackson headed straight to their house to talk to Jaebeom.  He knows that Mark told him on the message to not hate on the slightly older man, but he cannot seem to.  Just days ago, Mark was happily telling him that Jaebeom was already sweet and he was kind of positive that they won’t push through with the divorce and that they will give their marriage a second chance, but after seeing his best friend’s messages, he was furious and angry at Jaebeom—wanting to know what the hell did he do to make Mark leave at the day when they’re supposed to give their final decision on their divorce.

 

“Why the hell are you not talking?  You’re even crying?  Why?  Because Mark left you?  You made him leave, Jaebeom!  You are at fault at this!  What the fuck!!”  Jackson kicks the wall instead of kicking the helpless man on the floor.

 

“I don’t want him to leave, I swear—”

 

“THEN WHY DID HE LEAVE!”  Jackson stands in front of Jaebeom who’s now wobbling and trying to at least sit up, face still drenched with fresh tears.

 

“L-last night…I… We—I told him I don’t want to divorce him anymore… So I don’t have any idea why he left!”

 

“If you said that last night then do you really think he would leave?  Who are you trying to fool here?”  Jackson was mad again, his fists are clenched at his side and Jaebeom continues to shake his head.

 

“He—he fell asleep… We… We slept together and I told him that and I didn’t know he was already sleeping—”

 

“Bullshit!”  Jackson spits and looks at Jaebeom before pointing at him, “You and I both know that it’s _bullshit,_ Jaebeom!  Why don’t you just tell me the truth that you really told Mark to leave because you’re pushing through with the divorce—”

 

“No!  No!  No, that’s not it, Jackson—”

 

“ _Fuck this shit.”_ Jackson pulls at his hair before looking at Jaebeom in the eyes, and maybe Jackson was just so mad and his emotions were also bottled up the last month since Mark informed him about the divorce, when Mark begged for him to not lash on Jaebeom, and since he loves his best friend like his own brother, he respects his decision, but this particular thing that Jaebeom did is just… _unacceptable_ , and he feels hurt for Mark, who didn’t do anything wrong at all, he just loved someone with all his heart and life, and, sadly, the person whom he loved didn’t feel the same way about him and it just made him so, _so angry._

 

“How I wish I was gay, or even bisexual at that—so that I had stolen Mark-hyung from you way, _way_ back if I know that you’re just going to treat him like this.  He doesn’t deserve you, Jaebeom.  He deserve someone better.  If only I have a choice to be gay, I would love to fall in love with Mark-hyung, because he is _wonderful,_ he loves without asking for anything in return and gives his all—unlike you, who is nothing but a fucking _asshole_.”

 

 

Jaebeom, at Jackson’s triggering words, just… exploded.  The jealousy that he felt over Jackson that night at the café suddenly went back to him, even those that he felt back when they were still in college when Mark goes out with Jackson alone even though they’re already together, the bond that they have that will always, _always_ be special and different from his and Mark’s—so he did what he thought is the most rational thing to do.

 

The punch didn’t land on where Jaebeom wants it, instead, it hit the wall behind Jackson, who was shocked at first at the elder’s outburst, and, before he knows it, Jaebeom is already backing him against the wall where pushed the brunette earlier, and Jaebeom’s eyes are filled with rage that made Jackson slightly flinch, but he stood his ground and grabs Jaebeom’s shoulders as well, as tight as how Jaebeom is clutching his own.

 

“What are you so mad about?  Are you jealous that I would date Mark-hyung?”

 

“Shut up—Jackson-ah—”

 

“What if I really do that?  I am not seeing anyone right now, maybe I can work on my sexuality as I get into a relationship with hyung?  We did experiment quite a few times when we were in middle school so—”

 

“Fuck you!”  Jaebeom clutches the collar of Jackson’s shirt, tight like a vice, and Jackson chokes a little at the force, before he felt himself being lifted a little off of the ground.

 

_“What the actual fuck is going on here?”_

 

 

~*~

 

 

Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that Park Jinyoung knows the passcode to the Tuan-Lim household because of that one time when Mark left something in the house and he’s at the vet with both Nora and Coco and can’t leave them alone because Jaebeom is overseas—because when he hears muffled sounds of shouting, and body slamming against a wall and some cursing, he knows that he won’t be able to ask anyone who’s in the house to open the door for him.

 

The sight in front of him when he opened the door is shocking, yet, he is not that surprised.

 

When two stubborn bulls get together, he can’t expect anything else but a fist fight.

 

Jinyoung immediately gets in between the two men, it was hard, because Jackson wanted to at least hurt Jaebeom even just a little to get revenge on choking him for two seconds, and Jaebeom’s eyes are flaring he is sure that fire is going to blow out of it any time soon, but he managed.  He asks Jackson to stay where he is on the wall, before he wraps his arms around his best friend’s body, creating a human cage around him to try and calm him down because Jaebeom’s breaths are coming out in pants, and his whole body is shaking like a leaf on harsh winds.

 

“Hyung— _hyung—_ calm down, nothing good will come out of this if you two would continue fighting!”  He hears Jackson muttering “ _can I just please punch him on the face once_ ” and he rolls his eyes that he felt like he had seen the front door of the house from behind him, and he muttered a short _shut up, Jackson-ah_ since he is still trying to calm Jaebeom down, who’s body is now sagging slowly against his, and his breaths are becoming harsher and harsher, shorter and shorter by the second.

 

_This is not looking any good._

Jinyoung is nowhere near being a medical expert or anything, but he is a well-known actor, and he had recently filmed a medical-suspense series so he had learned a little bit of medical stuff—especially the basic ones like first aid and remedies to mild heart attacks and even breath shortage.

 

“ _FUCK_ how can you allow him to _almost_ choke me to death when you can’t even allow me to punch him onc—”

 

“For _fuck’s sake_ , Jackson!  Jaebeom-hyung is _hyperventilating_ right now and he might pass out at any moment so can you please keep your pettiness to yourself for once and help me _help_ hyung out here?”

 

Jackson looked like a deer caught in headlights upon hearing his words.

 

_Well, that shut Jackson up for good._

“Shit, I didn’t kill him, did I?  I didn’t do _anything,_ I promise—”

 

“Fuck just—just stop talking and help me bring him on the couch at least.”  Jinyoung groans when Jaebeom is still unstable in his movements, his eyes now closing a little and his body is breaking out in cold sweat.  Jackson immediately helps him as they carry Jaebeom and drop him on the nearest couch.

 

“Get him a glass of warm water.”  Jinyoung instructs and Jackson is like a huge puppy, nodding his head and running off to the kitchen to do as told.

 

“Hyung…”  Jinyoung is glad that Jaebeom’s temper seemed to ebb away a little, but his breaths are still short, “Hyung, can you hear me?  Hyung?”  Jinyoung holds Jaebeom’s face and began shaking him a little to make sure he’s still with him.  “Jaebeom-hyung—”

 

“J-Jin-young-ah… M-Mark l-left—”  Jaebeom stuttered and his eyes are unfocused, which made Jinyoung think that it’s because of the elder’s adrenaline dropping because of his argument with Jackson, on top of Mark leaving that morning.

 

“I know…. _I know,_ hyung _,_ but try to control your breathing and your temper first…”  Jinyoung slides his fingers on top of the elder’s head, “Hyung, breathe in when I’m at your hairline, and release it once I’m at the back of your neck, got it?”  Jaebeom nods meekly, and began following Jinyoung’s instructions, trying to regulate his breathing, the shakiness of his hands, the heavy pounding of his head and chest.

 

“Slowly… Hyung… Slowly… There you go…”  Jaebeom’s breathing started to even out, but Jinyoung continued to massage his scalp, he’s still shaking pretty intensely, so just allowed the older to catch his breath and control the tremors rippling his body.  He hears light tapping of feet against the floor and he felt Jackson’s presence next to him while he continues to guide Jaebeom’s breathing.

 

“Here’s hyung’s water.”  He says, and Jinyoung can hear the slight tremble in his voice, he must’ve been scared to death after what had happened between him and Jaebeom earlier.

 

“Have you taken one for yourself?”  He asks absent-mindedly and Jackson nods, but realizes that the other man cannot actually see him—so he hums an affirmative before sitting next to Jaebeom on the couch.

 

“You feeling better now, hyung?”  Jinyoung holds Jaebeom’s face between his hands and the older is much, much more relaxed now, he lifts his hands to hold Jinyoung’s wrists.

 

“Yeah… Yeah…”  He says, voice a little hoarse, and Jackson massages his aching temples.

 

“Drink this, tell me if you need more.”  Jinyoung offers the glass of water, and Jaebeom gulps it all at once, before he nods, his way of saying that he needs more.  Jackson stands up right away despite his thoughts flying all over the place—and grabs the glass from the younger’s hand, refilling it with water and coming back to the living room swiftly.  Jaebeom takes the glass directly from Jackson and drinking it once again, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt before resting his head at the back of the couch.

 

No one had spoken for a few minutes, Jinyoung is still massaging Jaebeom’s hands while Jackson has his elbows on top of his thighs while he holds his aching head, feeling guilty for triggering the older man and causing him distress.  Jaebeom was about to say something to defend himself from Jackson’s accusations, but he chose to disregard them all and not hear him out, cutting him off and even throwing hateful words.  He regrets it, especially after seeing Jaebeom’s burning eyes when he lifted him off of the ground, and how much the older boy was catching his breath after the confrontation.

 

_Shit.  What was I thinking?_

“I’m sorry…”  Jackson felt a hand on top of his shoulder and he flinched, not because he was afraid, but because he was so lost in his own thoughts that he hasn’t realized that the other two Korean man was also in the room.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jackson… I just… I lost my temper—”

 

Jaebeom wasn’t able to continue what he was saying when Jackson immediately engulfs him in a hug, the younger patting his back slowly, “You don’t need to be sorry, hyung, I was the one who should say sorry, I should’ve listened to you, I shouldn’t have judged you immediately, I was—”  the blond chokes on his own breath and wasn’t able to continue what he was saying, and Jaebeom nods against his broad shoulder, somehow not managing to cry even more, both of them still muttering apologies towards each other. 

 

Jinyoung was just looking at them fondly, before grabbing a chair from the dining room and setting it in front of the oldest man in the room.  When he came back, the two already separated and was just holding each other’s hands to provide comfort, he guesses.

 

“How are you feeling, hyung?”

 

“Much better now… I’m sorry, Jinyoung, fo-for acting like that… I guess I was too mad and I lost control—“ Jaebeom closes his eyes in frustration and he felt Jackson’s hand squeezing his tightly.

 

Jinyoung nods before looking at his best friend, who, despite totally recovered from his hyperventilation earlier, still looks anguished, he is positive that it has something to do with Mark leaving.

 

“Are you ready to talk about what happened, hyung?”  Jinyoung asks carefully, and Jackson slowly removes his hand from Jaebeom’s to let the older gather his thoughts, before standing up and sitting on the couch on the side.  He has a lot of questions to ask as well, but he would let the oldest of them talk it out himself before he delivers and clarifies his own worries.

 

 

Jaebeom takes another deep breath before nodding to no one in particular, “I—I made huge mistake…”  He starts, breathing heavily once again to tamp down the lump in his throat.

 

_You can do this._

He says everything, _everything_ , how his feelings had changed gradually, how he had come to realize that he is still in love with his husband, and how much he is sorry for the older to experience such a pain, mainly because of him.  He never shared this with any of them, even with his best friend, but he wasn’t surprised that Jinyoung had thought about this before, since the younger even told him one time that he was so stupid and stubborn for filing the divorce in the first place.  His best friend just looks at him with understanding, while Jackson is on the side, who mentioned that he knew about him and his husband’s routine since Mark was talking to him, and that he even suggested in the first place.

 

“It really worked…”  Jaebeom chuckles to himself but there is a hidden sadness to it, remorseful, “I realized that I love being with him, _I love him,_ I still love him, and the feeling that I felt when I filed for a divorce was a joke—it’s just because I was stupid to not face our problems and to deal with it because we are either too busy or too unaware of the changes in how we treat each other…”

 

“Then why did Mark-hyung leave?  If you mentioned that your relationship had changed and you even had _sex_ last night—”

 

“Oh, you guys finally had sex again?”  Jinyoung was wide-eyed with shock, and if the situation is not too serious, Jaebeom will even find it funny because the younger brunette rarely gets surprised.  Jaebeom just nods to acknowledge, before he starts digging his brain again for reasons as to why his husband left him.

 

“I don’t _know…_ I don’t know…”  Jaebeom tugs on his hair, “He left me a letter saying that since I didn’t express any interest in withdrawing the divorce that’s why he left—but I didn’t tell him that I want to proceed with it either, I was planning on telling him today and we’re about to meet Youngjae to discuss it along with… something else… but… he said that he’s leaving me so that I’ll have the chance to find someone else… and be happy again…”  Jaebeom is crying once more, how can he not when there’s too much emotions bleeding in Mark’s letter?

 

“He told me still loves me and he was sorry that he was not good enough—”  Jaebeom’s breath hitched as he says the word, bringing tears to Jackson and Jinyoung’s eyes, but they didn’t fell.  “I feel like such a dick, how can I be so cruel like that?  I was the one who suggested to have a divorce yet Mark blames himself, he didn’t even blame me because that’s how much he loves me… I don’t know what to do…”  He cries out, and Jinyoung extends a hand to rub his back while Jackson is already crying. 

 

He wanted to get mad at the older, ask him how is he sure that he’s not lying and that he really loves Mark, but the look of agony, pain, and misery painted on Jaebeom’s face is enough indication.  Jaebeom, for the last almost 10 years that he has known him, almost never lies about what he really feels, he is always transparent and straight-forward, that’s why the aggressiveness he had thrown towards him earlier didn’t really surprise him.

 

“I swear that I don’t want to leave him anymore, that he’s the only one in my heart, I wasn’t even attracted to anyone else, I told him that…”  Jaebeom looks up and suddenly grabs Jinyoung’s shoulders, “What should I do?  How can I get him back, Nyoungie, Sseun-ah?”  He switches his gaze from Jinyoung and Jackson, “I want him, _I need him,_ I _need_ him back to me…”  Jaebeom is now fully sobbing on Jinyoung’s chest, his fingers clutching on the younger’s bomber jacket, and Jinyoung wipes the tears lingering in his eyes.  He doesn’t know how everything had come down to this, he was almost sure that the two will get back together—he may not be seeing them both for a while but during his small talks with both of them personally and through text or phone calls, he knows that for the last week, the couple had been ultimately close to each other.

 

The question that’s lingering in the air that’s suffocating all of them is still the same, what made Mark leave Jaebeom?  There should be something that had triggered the older to walk away and take the earliest flight back to LA on the same day they had to make their final decision for the divorce.  However, what could be it?  As much as he wanted to figure that out, Jinyoung thinks that there are more pressing matters to consider, that is, to help Jaebeom get Mark back, and he was just about to suggest something when the older opens his mouth.

 

“I will follow him in LA…”  Jaebeom sounded determined, wiping his tears once again, “I need to follow him and tell him how I feel… I—I should follow him, right?  Jinyoung?  Jackson?”  Jaebeom looks at the two other men in the room.

 

“Y-you should, hyung, but—”

 

“I would need to find the next earliest flight right now so that I can—”  Jaebeom stood up, or at least he tried, but he fell on his knees on the floor, which made Jinyoung and Jackson both stand up from their seats to help him sit on the couch again.

 

“Jaebeom-hyung, I agree that you want to follow Mark in LA and all, I understand that, but not in that state—”

 

“I’m okay, I’m okay, Jinyoung, Mark is all that matters, I can get through this—”

 

“Hyung!”  Jackson says, exasperated, “Just listen to Jinyoung for once, okay?  You can’t even stand on your own feet and yet you want to fly to LA immediately?”  He scolds and Jaebeom just blinks, but before he can be a stubborn ass bull again, Jinyoung speaks up.

 

“The very first thing that you’re going to do right now, is to eat.  It’s been hours and you’re exhausted from all that crying and the adrenaline.  After that, you’ll rest, _sleep,_ and we’ll take care of finding the earliest flight for you to take going to LA.  You need to have energy before going there, because it’s a 12-hour flight and you need enough strength to be able to face Mark, and, possibly, his family.”  Jinyoung murmurs, and Jaebeom cannot be even more thankful for having his friends there with him.  They unknowingly stopped him from running after Mark in the airport when it’s highly likely that the older isn’t there anymore, and now, they’re making conscious decisions for him since he would be willing to fly to LA in his pajamas if it weren’t for them stopping him.

 

“Right… You’re right, Jinyoung-ie… Okay…”  He nods, and Jinyoung and Jackson sighed in relief.

 

Jackson then asks the oldest man in the room to take a hot shower to relax himself while he puts something together for breakfast and late lunch while Jinyoung would look into airlines websites to see what the earliest flight to LA is for today.  Jaebeom didn’t bat an eyelash, knowing that there’s really no use in fighting them at this time, so he goes to the bedroom and the en-suite bathroom and decides to take a long, hot shower to relax his still uneasy nerves and aching muscles.  He silently hopes that it would also relieve the pain that is wrenching his guts and heart.

 

 

After about 20 minutes, Jaebeom finishes his shower, feeling much cleaner and so much better, at least physically.  He opens the closet to grab some fresh clothes to wear, going through the stacks of hoodies and shorts blindly, throwing what his hand got in contact with on the bed while he continues to dry his hair with a small towel.

 

When he finally laid eyes on the hoodie that he placed on top of their bed, he realizes that it’s actually one of Mark’s favorite hoodies—the red Vetements one and limited edition.  He remembers the younger buying it at the first year of their marriage, and it had become the elder’s personal favorite, and has become his own favorite as well, borrowing the hoodie from the older, or sometimes just wearing it without asking for his permission.

 

Jaebeom sighs heavily, it’s just been hours, and he knows that it might sound ridiculous, but he misses his husband so much.  He misses Mark every time he blinks or breathes—this is the first time in a long time that he get to wake up without Mark by his side, and he feels so empty, even emptier than half of their closet or the small cabinet by the sink, or even their shoe storage.  He feels like his heart was sliced in half and the older took it with him in LA, and the ones left inside him is starting to stop functioning as hours go by.

 

Jaebeom unconsciously shifted his gaze on their open wardrobe, and he felt another wave of tears about to be washed away by his eyes when he sees two almost identical hoodies hanging side by side—almost identical meaning the design and size of the hoodies are the same, but the colors are different, one is black and the other is gray.  He can easily remember Mark buying those hoodies for Jaebeom’s 25th birthday, since despite Jaebeom being younger for a few months, Mark is the one who’s a huge fan of couple items, whether it’s clothes, shoes, mugs, slippers, etc.  Jaebeom thanked his husband with more than just kisses that night of his birthday, and the hoodies had been their favorite couple outfits when they wanted to go out for a quick walk outside, or if they’re just lounging on their living room on cold weathers, sipping some hot chocolate and watching reruns of their favorite dramas, or Mark’s favorite US crime or suspense series.

 

Jaebeom puts on the boxers, sweatpants, and the red hoodie that he grabbed from their closet, and he hasn’t even realized that he was crying again—because the hoodie smells just like Mark’s favorite detergent, and, he doesn’t know if it’s just his mind playing tricks on him, but he can slightly smell the elder’s perfume at the collar of the hoodie.  He must’ve been the last to wear the hoodie because he cannot personally remember when was the last time he had touched what he’s currently wearing.

 

Jaebeom just cries silently, not wanting his other friends outside the room to hear him anymore.  They had seen enough tears from him, and he doesn’t want to worry them further for crying again, though he is sure that he will not be judged by either, he just doesn’t want to be a burden.

 

After a few more minutes of just him lying on the bed and hugging the huge hoodie against his body, trying to waft the remaining scent of Mark on the sheets, the pillows, and the clothes he was wearing, he hears a couple of knocks on the door.  He expected the person on the other side to open it and barge in completely—but he’s glad that the door remained closed when he hears the familiar voice of the younger Korean man.

 

“Hyung?  The food is ready, and I have something to tell you about the flight details I found.”

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jinyoung guides Jaebeom to the kitchen and asked him to take a seat first while Jackson sets up the table.

 

“What are you going to say about the flights, Jinyoung-ah?”

 

The younger brunette takes the seat in front of the Jaebeom, while Jackson sits next to him.  Jinyoung fixes his gaze on the laptop in front of him while he types a few keys on it.

 

“There are no flights for today, I guess it’s because of the upcoming storm this noon…  They had cancelled the one that’s scheduled for 1:00 PM today…”  Jinyoung murmurs, while Jackson taps Jaebeom’s shoulder.

 

“You can eat while you’re listening to him, hyung.”  Jackson says and Jaebeom nods, not knowing what to say.  He grabs the chopsticks in front of him before he starts mixing the rice bowl in front of him.  Honestly, he really has no appetite, but he also knows that the younger men won’t allow him not to eat because of his condition.  He starts mixing his food, all the while looking at Jinyoung as he continues to browse through flight times and airline schedules.

 

“The next earliest flight is for tomorrow night, just to be sure that the weather is a little clearer, since the storm is expected to leave in the morning tomorrow as well…”  Jinyoung shifts the laptop so that Jaebeom can see the flight details.  It’s through Korean Air, direct 12 hours flight to LAX, at 8:00 PM.

 

“Can you please have that book for me now, Jinyoungie?”  Jaebeom asks the younger man, and Jinyoung smiles at him endearingly.

 

“Of course, hyung.”  Jinyoung faces the laptop back to himself before he takes a hold of Jaebeom’s passport that was handed to him by the older when they went out of the room.  Jinyoung takes a bite of his own food and Jaebeom did the same, and he is a bit surprised that the food actually tasted good.

 

“Wow… Didn’t know you learned how to cook after all this time, Jackson-ah.”  He says before taking another huge bite, and Jackson huffs loudly but didn’t say anything, since his mouth is still full of the braised pork that he managed to put together after going through the contents of the Tuan-Lim’s refrigerator.

 

“You know too little about me, _hyung.”_ Jackson rolls his eyes again and Jaebeom smiles at him, patting his head adoringly before he continues to eat his food, all the while glancing at Jinyoung’s direction to see if he’s done booking his flight.

 

 

After a few more minutes, Jinyoung finally had his flight booked, along with a place to stay for five days along with a car that he can use to drive around LA.

 

“Why five days though?”  Jackson asks as he clears the table.

 

“Well…”  Jinyoung says and looks at Jaebeom carefully, who is now just staring at the glass of water in his hand, “W-we just wanted to make sure and not assume anything… so I gave him a few days to stay before… well… he comes back…”

 

“Don’t worry, Nyoung-ie, I get it… In case… In case Mark would take a while to… well…”  Jaebeom clears the lump in his throat at the thought of Mark rejecting him, or not coming back to Korea with him.  It hurts a lot, but he should endure it since he was the one at fault for everything that is happening to him right now.

 

“He might not even come back to me even though I ran after him…”  He lets out a laugh, but Jinyoung and Jackson knows that it’s nowhere near the laugh that the older shares when he’s happy.  The timbre of his voice is full of sadness and agony, and they can’t help but look away from Jaebeom’s crest-fallen face.  “But nothing will happen if I just stay here, so… I should still follow him and see if… if I can have him back… If he would be willing to take another chance with me… Another chance to save our marriage that I ruined…”  Jaebeom continues as he wipes his eyes, there’s a few tears that escaped, but the other two men would not judge him in any way.

 

Jackson was the first to wrap his arms around Jaebeom’s wide shoulders, hugging him from behind from where the older is still seated on the chair, and Jinyoung followed soon after, cradling his head in his chest.

 

“Everything will be okay, hyung… I know that you and Mark-hyung will be able to sort this out, you love him, and he loves you… You are meant for each other... Just prove to him that you love him with all your heart, and he’s going to come back to you, for sure…”

 

Jaebeom just hopes that Jinyoung’s wise words and Jackson encouraging ones would come true, since that’s the only hope that he has in his heart, his own now very little and doubting.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom immediately and distractedly stood up from where he’s seating at the boarding area when his seat number was called by the airline representative.  He takes his bag and run-walks towards the entrance—his left earphones hanging on his chest and his other hand clutching his half-full Iced Americano.

 

Jaebeom takes a seat by the window, his favorite spot on the plane.  He remembers his husband who always gives him that spot even though the older wanted the same spot too, so he would switch with him once they’re on their way back to Korea, or if they have any other connecting flights in the same continent.

 

He comfortably settled on his seat after he puts his bag on the overhead compartment, politely declining the assistance of the stewardess near him, who shoots him a cute smile before tucking her hair behind her ear, but Jaebeom’s mind is somewhere else, flying far away from where he’s at, so he doesn’t notice.

 

Jaebeom can feel his temples aching due to the lack of sleep over the last day.  Jinyoung and Jackson helped him out yesterday by booking his flight, cooking his food, and even packing his stuff for a 5-day trip to LA, which Jackson humorously called “The Heartwarming Reunion of Markbum”, which him and Jinyoung both laughed about—he guesses since Jackson is part of the idol industry, he is used to combining people’s name to make it a “one-true pairing”, which is a popular concept in the Kpop industry in general.  They even drove him to the airport that night—wishing him good luck with their cheerful voices and expressions, and Jaebeom cannot help but find it endearing.

 

Jackson and Jinyoung had stayed that night, cancelling both of their important works or schedules so that they can be with Jaebeom, also to make sure that the oldest wouldn’t do anything stupid (mostly Jinyoung’s thinking) which made Jaebeom laugh at him, saying that he had already calmed down and that he’s just going to think about going to LA tomorrow night.

 

Jaebeom really tried his hardest to sleep that night, but his mind is not allowing him to.  He is nervous, scared even, of what his trip to LA will come to.  Will Mark even listen to him if ever he would go to where he is and ask to have a proper conversation?  And, if ever he gets his thoughts across, would the older man believe him?  Will his words be enough to convince Mark that he still loves him and that he would not divorce him anymore?  What should he say?  What should he do to assure Mark that he is so, _so_ in love with him that just the basic thought of being divorced to Mark is enough to make his heart shatter into small pieces?

 

So, as expected, Jaebeom had a very sleepless night.  Sure, he had fallen asleep quite a few times, but would always wake up from time to time, missing another warm body next to him at this time of the day.  Missing Mark on his side, or on top of him, or him on top of the older, just sharing the same warmth and comfort of being in each other’s sides.  It’s safe to say that Jaebeom had shed a few more tears while he’s falling in and out of sleep.

 

When he wakes up that morning, he had vaguely thought of what the older is doing at the moment.  Was he also miserable like him?  Was he thinking about him?  Has he cried since he left him too?  Is the older also in pain just like him right now?  Jaebeom thinks that he should be, maybe even more than what he’s feeling because the older thinks that he was unloved, and that he is not valuable enough to be.  Jaebeom’s heart hurts and he can physically feel the pain from his heart coursing through his veins at the thought.

 

He hopes that he is not too late to fix his mistakes, he hopes that the older would still give him a chance to do what’s right, to make up for all those times that he consciously and unconsciously hurt Mark.  He prays to the Gods above that Mark is not ready to give him up just yet.

 

Jinyoung and Jackson also messaged Mark a couple of times between yesterday and earlier that afternoon, asking about his whereabouts, and he was told by them that he is actually staying at his parent’s house and not the house that Mark kept in LA.  He doesn’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but he thought that at least Mark is not alone at this point.  It must’ve been a blessing in disguise that he didn’t come after him on the same day, to give the older time to talk to him family, or maybe rest a little, and be taken care of by some of the people that Mark values the most.  He is worried, he guesses it cannot be helped, since it’s highly likely that their parents along with Mark’s siblings already know what happened.  He thinks that dealing with Mark may be the hardest, but talking with the rest of the family members would sure not be easy either.

 

Jaebeom just got up when he heard Jackson talking to Mark over the phone and he was happy that Jackson had put his phone on speaker when he approaches the living room, and he smiles when he hears Mark’s voice.  There is a rough edge on his voice than usual, and Jaebeom’s heart clenched at the thought of the older crying a lot during the last day.  He bites his lip when he hears Mark giggle over the phone, and Jinyoung smiles at him before reaching up to hold his hand tight, and Jaebeom smiles, still listening to every word his husband says.  Soon, the call ended, and he is sandwiched by the other two men in the room, muttering reassurances at him, rubbing his back and arms to provide him the comfort that he must’ve needed, and he thanks both Jackson and Jinyoung for being with him through these rough times of his.

 

 

Jaebeom settled on his seat before strapping his seatbelt when the pilot announced that they are ready to take off.  He closes his eyes before leaning against his chair, his mind still unable to shut down, thinking of Mark, his family, the things that he would say, how Mark would respond, etc.

 

Eventually, Jaebeom felt tired of all the thinking and the emotional stress and he fell on a deep slumber—the hum of the plane engine and the sounds of the R&B music playing through his earphones lulling him to sleep, his last thoughts are of the older man, whom he hopes he’s going to see in a few hours or so.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Tammy just finished bathing the kids and take them to bed for a quick nap before dinner, when she noticed that her brother is nowhere in sight around the house.

 

“Mom, where is Mark?  Is he sleeping?”  Tammy spots the older woman at the kitchen preparing the ingredients for that night’s dinner.

 

“Oh, your Dad told me that he would want to drive to the beach today, but he will be back for dinner, why?  Do you need something from him?”

 

“No, I was just wondering where he could be since I haven’t seen him for about two hours now.”  She says, her mind wandering on her brother’s whereabouts.

 

_He won’t do anything stupid, right?_

“Hey…”  Tammy’s train of thoughts were stopped when she felt her mother’s hands on her elbow and shoulder, giving it light squeezes, “Don’t worry about him—our Mark is old enough and he knows what’s right from wrong…”  Dorine smiles at her daughter, which made Tammy’s worries dissipate just a little bit, “He always goes to the beach whenever he needs to clear his mind or to calm down… Or just to hang around…”

 

“Yeah… I-I know…”  The younger woman says, they all know this, Mark had always loved the sea since he was little, and even when he went to Korea, the much younger Mark Tuan would share his mini-adventures going to the sea even on the cold and unforgiving winters of a country thousands of miles away from home, “I just worry, I mean… He was never in this hurtful situation before… You think I should follow him?”

 

Her mother shakes her head before delivering another reassuring squeeze on her daughter’s shoulder, “Don’t worry about him, he should be okay, let’s trust Mark that he’s smart enough to make conscious decisions.”

 

Tammy nods, she is still worried, but she knows Mark, she knows that her brother will come back that night for dinner.  She distracts herself by helping her mother out in the kitchen, while her husband emerges from the room after sharing an hour nap with the kids, pushing her away from the tasks to take over and asking her to rest a bit in the living room.

 

 

Tammy haven’t realized that she fell asleep when she heard the doorbell ringing.  She looks around for a while, checking the other people in the house, and she finds the living room completely empty, though she can smell the delightful scent of Dorine’s cooking, so she assumes that everyone is at the kitchen cooking something.

 

The doorbell rang again and she forced herself up from her comfortable position on the couch, she even has a small blanket lain over her upper body and she smiled a little.  It was Kylie’s blanket that they left on the coffee table earlier, knowing exactly who had covered her with it.

 

Tammy walks to the door, thinking that it might be her brother who’s on the other side of the door, since it a few minutes past 5, and his promise was to be back by dinner anyway.

 

Tammy did not even bother to fix her hair or to glance at the peep hole to know who’s at the other side of the door since she’s pretty confident that it’s just Mark, so she opens it immediately.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark throws another stone that he gathered while he was walking his way towards the beach.  There wasn’t a lot, since this part of the shore is mostly sand, so he needs to walk a few meters on the side to where some rock debris had fallen from bigger ones.

 

The sun is still high up the sky even though it’s almost 5:30—his drive took a little longer than usual since he had went a little sightseeing around town.  It was a little over a year ago when he last came here, and he is happy that nothing much had changed in his hometown.  He grabbed some In and Out, the burgers and milkshakes they made that he missed so much, before he actually drives to the beach.

 

What surprised Mark as well is that despite not going to this part of the beach for years, it still remained as a secluded area and not a lot of people actually knows how to get here.  He remembers when he discovers this place when he was in middle school along with his other friends—and it has been his safe haven ever since. 

 

He was suddenly reminded of the very first time he had shown Jaebeom this place, it was a few days after their wedding—their hotel being a few miles away.  They had spent the entire afternoon and night there, even had sex by the beach (kinky), and both of them had complained about the sand that got stuck on their bodies because of their bodily fluids—which they both just washed away by swimming on the beach which was almost pitch dark, the only source of light being the moonlight above, and Mark thinks that it was one of the happiest days of his life being with Jaebeom.

 

Mark threw the last stone towards the ocean with a little more force than what he intended, the stone skipping the water a few times before it sinks into the water, the waves eventually swallowing it, and Mark walks back to where he left his shoes, his pick-up parked a few meters away from behind it.  He sits down, resting his back at the large rock and leaning his head against it, closing his eyes, letting the sun drape over his form now only in his white shirt, discarding his hoodie in the car, his jeans folded about two or three times over his legs to prevent it from getting wet from the sea water—just listening to the waves and chirping of the birds, and his own breathing, and Mark naturally relaxes, his hands feeling the hot and fine sand beneath his fingers.  He is positive that he can fall asleep like this, but he doesn’t want to miss dinner, so he keeps himself awake, grabbing his phone from his pocket to blast some music in low volume.  He puts on the playlist that will fit the summer—at least the mood of his music wouldn’t reflect much of his own.

 

Mark must’ve played the wrong playlist, or it was the universe force that had made him press on the wrong playlist on his phone—because instead of the summer songs that Mark had hoped for, he was welcomed by the warm, gentle, and dreamy voice of no other than his husband.

 

Jaebeom is a well-known producer, composer, and song-writer in Korea, but he would also sing his own songs and releases them on his SoundCloud as mixtapes, mostly stuff that he writes out of certain bursts of inspiration, and this particular song that is being played—is something that Jaebeom wrote around 3 years ago when him and Mark went on a short vacation in Jeju.

 

_When I get anxious_

_You always tell me that you love me_

_When I’m lonely,_

_You always fall asleep next to me_

_If you want to be mine_

_Don’t be away from me not even for a second_

_Please brag that I am yours everyday_

_There will be something for me_

_I already know_

_Sometime._ Mark stares at his phone to make sure he’s not hearing things, and closes his eyes.  He wanted to stop the music, the lyrics of the song piercing his already beaten up heart like daggers, but he cannot seem to.  Hearing Jaebeom’s voice after about two days of last hearing it, make him miss the younger so much that he feels like he can’t breathe.

 

_I want it as many times_

_Even though I heard it before I’m not tired of it_

_The more I see you I want you_

_I want only you, all of you_

_The more I see you, I want you_

_The seat next to you is only for me_

Mark cried again, he feels stupid for crying once more, but he just can’t stop it.  He was reminded of his situation again and again and again, no matter what he does, no matter how much he tries to veer away from the thought of Jaebeom’s existence in his life, _he just can’t._

Jaebeom had been an essential part of his life, how can he just forget and throw all of that away?

 

He wishes that Jaebeom had actually stick to the words on his lyrics as the last stanza of the song plays—then they both could’ve prevented any of this from happening.

 

The rest of Jaebeom’s songs had filled his ears, one heart wrenching song from another, and he just finds himself staring at the sun that is slowly setting—dark orange hues now painting the sky as the waves continues to hit the shore, the sounds mixing with Jaebeom’s voice in the background.

 

For some reason, the waters that he can see in front of him look terribly inviting.  The dark blues of the ocean and the light from the sun that is being illuminated by the water creates a very bright color combination, and Mark is attracted like a moth towards a flame.

 

Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Mark is already walking towards the shore, slowly, surely, his eyes still stuck somewhere where he can see the sun slowly meeting the sea, he hasn’t realized at how long he was listening to his ex-husband’s music, if he was honest—but he doesn’t really care about it.  The strong urge to dip his entire body towards the water is very strong at the moment, like someone had attached a thread to his body and slowly pulling him in, maybe some unknown creature from the ocean or something.

 

When Mark felt the water on his feet, he wasn’t entirely shocked, since he had already walked barefoot earlier, but when he walks further and the water reaches his mid thighs—a part of his brain is worried, telling himself that he had actually brought some swim clothes with him so why is he walking in the waters on his jeans?  But Mark brushes the thought of as he continues to walk… little by little. 

 

The waves are getting higher and higher as he goes in deeper and deeper towards the huge body of water, but Mark cannot be bothered—he is a great swimmer, so he sinks in deeper, adjusting his body until he can feel the water against his neck.  Mark even thought at some point that he can hear voices, muffled, distant, soft, calling out his name, but he brushes it all off, convincing himself that they’re not real, they’re just voices inside his head, maybe his subconscious telling him that this is not a great idea at all, since the waves are getting even higher than he had expected that it reaches his nose whenever it moves, but Mark’s foggy brain didn’t give any single care.

 

All Mark did was smile as he continues to stare at the sun—before dipping his head into the water. The waves are still strong, powerful, it almost knocks him off balance, but, at the same time, the water feels cold and hot—a contrasting feeling that made Mark so happy, his head feeling light and there are literally no thoughts are running inside his head. 

 

For the first time in about a month or so, Mark hasn’t thought of anything, he just lets his mind relax completely, it feels _nice_.

 

The voices are still there, but now almost completely being blocked by the water surrounding his entire body and mind—and he lets go.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to have the 4th chapter up by New Year!
> 
> Feel free to yell at me here or at my Twitter, ygstan_ahgase :))))))))))))))))


	4. 04.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Jaebeom takes a step closer when his husband didn’t tear his gaze away from him, and he secures his stare, locking eyes with Mark’s deep, brown ones. Mark didn’t flinch or move away, his husband seems to be more focused in looking at his eyes, reading, trying to understand what his gaze means, and, Jaebeom says it._
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> **“I’m your energy.”**  
>  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Surprise Surpriiiiiiise! YES! An update! At last! We are FINALLY at the LAST chapter of this fic—like, FOR REAL, this is really the last!
> 
> It actually really took some (a lot of) time, but we’re finally here! I know I did promise I’ll have it posted on the New Year, but I didn’t specify which year (to be safe LOL), but it’s here, though I am still sorry for the delay T___T I hope this last chapter is worth the wait :) And I actually beta’d this myself, sloppily, I guess, so I’m sure there’re still errors, so please bear with me on that part!
> 
> I would save the last of my notes and messages on the end notes, so kindly go ahead and read through the last chapter of my longest Markbum fic :D

 

 

**~*~**

 

 

Jaebeom arrived at the LAX airport around the afternoon—he can see the still bright sun from the huge windows as he walks through the arrival gates while wheeling his luggage with one hand.  On an early September means the start of summer in California, so he expects that it would be scorching hot outside.  He just hopes that the representative from the car rental company is already waiting for him so that he won’t need to stay long there.

 

Luckily enough—Jaebeom spots a man at the far left side of the huge waiting area holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.  He quickly walks to him, sharing a few greetings before the man takes him to the parking lot, offering to hold his luggage which he refuses at first, but the man was insistent so, eventually, he just lets him be.

 

After he had signed some documents, his luggage is already settled at the compartment of the car, he thanks the man from the car rental company and waves him goodbye.  The man cheerily waves at him while he gets in the car—only walking away when he had closed the door.  He buckles his seatbelt before grabbing his phone from his bag that he placed at the passenger seat—shooting a text towards Jinyoung and Jackson telling him that he has safely arrived in LA.  He had remembered talking to Youngjae yesterday as well about their current condition, and the younger wished him all the best and hopes that he could bring Mark back with him in Korea after his visit.

 

He certainly hopes so too.

 

 

~*~

 

 

It has been almost 30 minutes since he got in the car, but Jaebeom still doesn’t know what to do, or, to be specific, where to go.

 

Jinyoung texted him to go to the hotel first and maybe freshen up, and go to their parent’s house tomorrow morning, in that way, he could have more rest and sleep.  However, Jaebeom honestly just can’t wait any longer, his heart wanted to find Mark immediately and talk to him, let him know what he truly feels.  Every minute that passes seems like a lost opportunity for Jaebeom, though, he can’t help but feel afraid of how the whole thing would turn out, or if he would even have the courage to face Mark and his family.

 

Jaebeom’s hands started to itch at the steering wheel— _he needs to do something._ He can’t just sit there and wait until every problem that he created would solve by itself, or would poof in the air.  He needs to be brave, he needs to be strong, he would do anything and everything in his power to fix the mess that he made and started.  Jaebeom also thought that however this entire trip would turn out, he would respect whatever the elder’s decision would be, no matter how hard his heart and whole world would crash at the end.

 

Because that’s what he deserves.

 

 

Jaebeom took a huge, rattling, and deep breath before finally starting the car’s engine.  The GPS of the car was turned on as well, the automated voice of the device asking him his destination, but he doesn’t need directions to go to the place where he wanted to be at the moment, so he shuts it down, looking straight through the window of the car, determination filling every cell in his body as he carefully drives the car out of the cramped space where it’s parked—before driving out of the vast parking area and into the busy streets of Los Angeles.  It is a little past 4 PM when he managed to drive out of LAX—so he expects moderate to heavy traffic as he drives to Arcadia.  He connects his phone to the Bluetooth system of the car to blast some music, hoping to calm his fretting nerves and a little too fast heartbeat.

 

Jaebeom cannot even name what he’s feeling at the moment—he is partly nervous, well, who wouldn’t be when he’s trying to catch his husband after telling him that he wants to divorce him just a month ago, his husband who had been blindsided by the fact that he really wanted their marriage to end?  Also, he is sure that he won’t be seeing Mark right away and that he would need to deal with his father and mother-in-law, if not including Tammy as well, or maybe Grace.  Jaebeom can’t help but rub his face in frustration—he is so conflicted as he takes a left, away from the busiest and the most traffic part of the city after being stuck there for about 40 minutes, and takes the street that would take him about 15 mins to get to the house of Mark’s parents.

 

When he was stuck in traffic, he had seen a message from Jinyoung telling him to grab something to eat or maybe a cup of coffee first, but Jaebeom doesn’t really have the appetite to take in anything.  He had a meal at the plane and he feels okay for now, so he just ignores his message, as well as Jackson’s that says the same exact thing, and continued to drive smoothly, despite his nerves that haven’t calmed down yet, in fact, it gets even more nerve-wracking knowing that he would reach his destination in just a few minutes.

 

 

 

Jaebeom immediately recognizes one car that is parked outside the Tuan’s residence—and he can’t help but gulp the nervousness bubbling in his throat as he parks his car just behind it, setting a considerable distance in case he would be thrown out of the house and he would need to drive away from the place as fast as he can.

 

He had a fleeting thought about reaching out to Mark even before he gets to the airport yesterday, call him and tell him that he’s going to be there and that they need to talk, but he was _afraid_ , afraid that if Mark knew that he’s coming after him, he might run away and even tell his family to not disclose where he is—and that will not help him at all.  Jinyoung also told him that it’s totally not a good idea—setting obvious reasons aside, because it might just agitate the older man.  Mark might’ve mentioned on his letter to Jaebeom that he still loves him, but that doesn’t mean that he’s ready to be convinced to go back to Jaebeom just because the younger realized his mistake.

 

So Jaebeom just let it be.  Even though he was aching to hear Mark’s voice again.  He had heard it yesterday when the older was talking to Jackson and Jinyoung, but it wasn’t enough, not enough to cure the ache in his heart.  He remembers their early days when Jaebeom could be calmed just through Mark’s deep, soothing voice.  He remembers all the hardships of college when his professors would throw all his compositions away as if they’re trash, because they didn’t like the sound of it at all, even after Jaebeom hadn’t slept for almost a week making it—ready to throw a fit and just drop out of the subject altogether, when Mark held him in his arms on his bed in the elder’s cramped apartment—telling him to calm down and that he will easily get through this because he is Jaebeom, a gifted and talented producer and song-writer to be—and someone like him wouldn’t give up too easily.

 

Jaebeom believed Mark back then—that’s why he had worked extra hard and finally gained the approval of his professors, and aced all of his subjects.  If it wasn’t for Mark’s presence in his life, his gentle caress and wise words, his deep and soothing and heart-warming voice, Jaebeom would either be living in the streets off of trash or would be stuck in his parents’ orchard pruning trees.  It’s not so bad, that’s what his parents had lived for and he was able to study because of it, but it wasn’t what he wanted.  He cannot thank his now husband enough for saving him from leading a, possibly, miserable life.

 

Even after they got married and Jaebeom finally got accepted as a junior composer in JYP Entertainment, the criticisms and hardships didn’t stop coming.  It was actually way, _way_ worse than what he had in college, because that was the real _thing,_ tons of money and reputation are at stake, so the pressure was taking a huge toll on Jaebeom during his first few years at the company, but his husband is still there with him—encouraging him and taking care of him, until he became an irreplaceable asset of the company—the critiques and netizens naming him as one of the bests in the music industry.

 

Jaebeom, for the nth time for the last 2 days or so, kept wondering how on Earth he even think he can get through the rest of his life without Mark by his side.  Now that he bumps his head big time against a concrete wall, how the hell will his future be without his husband?  He bets just in the next year his life will totally shatter and that he would be totally wretched.  He can’t believe that he told Mark that the best decision they’re both going to make is to end their marriage, because it is nothing but.

 

Jaebeom closes his eyes and rests his head lightly against the headrest of the car seat—lets out a few calming breaths to ease his nerves that are starting to go haywire.

 

_Better do this now or I might be too late._

Jaebeom composes himself as he removes the seatbelt from his body, unlocks the car, before stepping out into the hot, summer air of Arcadia.  The air is humid, his attire may not be the most appropriate one for the weather, but it’s okay, he’s _okay_ —his hands turning into fists on either side of him as he walks to the front door of the Tuan household.

 

 

 

There are three more steps left to be able to reach the door, but Jaebeom finds himself stuck on where he’s currently standing.

 

He cannot imagine that the house that used to be his _home_ on the other side of the world would make him feel like it’s untouchable, or that it’s a property that he is prohibited to enter, a sinking feeling in his chest growing deeper and deeper at the thought of not being able to go here on selected holidays, and the people inside this house would most likely cut all ties with him, knowing what he had done to their precious Mark.

 

Jaebeom can feel his palms sweating, but there’s no turning back now.  He’s there, and that he’s going to finish what he had started.  He breathes in and out again, slowly, before taking the last three steps at the stairs until he reaches the front door.

 

Jaebeom doesn’t know what to expect, really.  He doesn’t know if he would be thankful if Mark opens the door for him, or he would be even more nervous, scared, or terrified—more so if it was either one of Mark’s parents, or, Mark’s sister, Tammy, whom he had been exceptionally close with.

 

_Here goes nothing._

Jaebeom presses on the doorbell, his hands and fingers shaking that he even missed the actual button twice, but he succeeded at the third attempt.  He is tapping his feet nervously against the stoned floor, waiting… seconds that felt like hours passed by and Jaebeom was pursing his lips and rubbing his hands together, he checked his watch and it’s a few minutes past 5.

 

_Someone should be at the house by this hour, right?_

Normally, Mark’s Mom would already start with dinner at this hour, so he thinks that the family might be in the kitchen preparing something, but that could also mean that the others should be in the living room and be at hearing distance from the doorbell at the front door, right?

 

Jaebeom tries again, getting some weird sense of confidence from waiting—and he hears very muffled footsteps nearing the door.

 

_Oh God._

 

_Please let it be Mark._

_Please let it not be Mark._

Jaebeom was so conflicted in his thoughts that he continues to stare at his feet that are tapping against the floor non-stop—not hearing the front door opening and only when the person who opened the door let out a loud gasp then he was snapped out of his thoughts and he looked up, his expression most likely mirroring the woman right in front of him.

 

“Jaebeom?”

 

 

~*~

 

 

To say that Tammy is shocked would be a huge understatement—since she wasn’t expecting anyone else to be at the door other than her brother.  Moreover, the person that she sees outside is the least expected.

 

It was her brother’s now _ex-husband._

_What the hell is he doing here?_

The man in front of her wasn’t looking at the door when she opened it, but quickly looked up and their eyes met, his expression looking like a boy who had seen a ghost for the first time in his life.  Tammy cannot tell that she looks better either.

 

“Jaebeom?”

 

The man didn’t speak—he just continued staring, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water, his hands fidgeting on either side of him. 

 

“What are you doing here?”  Tammy looks at her back to check if anyone can be of hearing distance, before she closes the door behind her and stepping out of the house to join Jaebeom in front of the door.  Now that her shock had dissipated, her expression turned into a scowl as she crosses her arms in front of her chest, before throwing a raised eyebrow at the man who had hurt her little brother.

 

“N-n-noona—”

 

“Call me Tammy, we are not related anymore so you don’t need to address me as your older sister.”  She says sternly, and she can see Jaebeom biting his trembling bottom lip before looking away with a sad expression on his face.

 

That’s when Tammy had noticed how Jaebeom looks at that moment.  His eyes are red-rimmed and they look extremely tired, there are dark circles under his eyes, and his usually chubby cheeks are sunken, and he looks like he had went to hell and back to the surface of the Earth, which painfully reminded her of how Mark looks like when he met him at the airport yesterday.

 

The question that has been in her mind though is that—why does Jaebeom look even more crestfallen than Mark when he was the one who divorced her brother?  He should be celebrating, or at least he would look happy or relieved at the slightest.

 

Also, why is he in LA?  Does he have something to talk about with Mark that needs to be addressed personally?  Her brother told her that the papers are already with Youngjae and all Jaebeom needs to do is to let his cousin know that they both had agreed to it, Mark even texted Youngjae about it before his plane took off—Mark also offhandedly mentioned that he left all of the necessary documents that they may or may not need to be able to pursue or finalize the divorce, so what made Jaebeom fly all the way from Korea to here?

 

Tammy mustn’t have realized that she had voiced out her last thought out loud, because she sees the younger man looking up to her with mild surprise in his face.  He still looks nervous as ever, _terrified_ even, which made her eyebrows furrow in slight worry.

 

“I….”  The male brunette starts, before he stops, closing his eyes, and tries again, “I-I am here because… I need t-t-to talk to Mark, Tammy—”

 

“About what?”

 

“I-it’s something important, I-I think there’s been a misunderstanding—”

 

Tammy cannot help but laugh at Jaebeom’s words.  “Misunderstanding?  Like what?  Did my brother just _misunderstand_ when you said that you wanted to divorce him?  What exactly is your excuse?  That it was an accident?”

 

“N-n-no, please—”

 

“You know what?  Just stop, okay?  My brother is already miserable when he got here and when you decided to divorce him.  He already gave you what you want, just leave him alone.  I don’t want him to see you because for sure he would cry again….”  Tammy needs to stop because she just remembered hugging her brother yesterday morning while he sobs his whole guts out, it’s _heartbreaking._ “If you need anything from him, have your cousin reach out to him, since for sure it’s just going to be about your conjugal properties or whatsoever.  I am sure Youngjae can work on figuring it out without you bothering Mark anymore.”  Tammy wipes the few tears that fell from her left eye.

 

“P-please… It’s not about the divorce Noo— Tammy, I-I-it’s about something else, just, just hear me out—”

 

“Okay, then what is about?  Tell me what the hell you wanted to tell my brother that isn’t about that _cruel_ divorce you had initiated?  Hmm?”  Tammy accidentally raises her voice, making her worry that the people inside the house would be able to hear her, but she doesn’t care, the overprotectiveness that she felt for her baby brother is overwhelming—she won’t allow her brother to be hurt again, she would do anything in her power to avoid any possible heartbreaks that he might experience.

 

Even though it involves breaking the good relationship that she had built with Mark’s ex-husband.

 

Tammy waits for the other person to speak up, or at least say something, but all she sees is a man who continues to stare at his hands that are in front of him, curling and uncurling his fingers in nervousness, and it made her feel some sort of weird satisfaction, seeing the man who had hurt her brother in obvious distress—but, she cannot deny that she feels hurt by saying those words to the person whom she had considered her own brother, the guy that she dotes on for the last nine years or so, the person whom she thought would be with her brother and be part of their family for a very long time.

 

But, since the person in front of her had hurt her favorite sibling—she is ready to cut down whatever ties that bounded them, no matter how hard it is.

 

 

“What?  Cat got your tongue, Lim Jaebeom?  If you would continue being silent and not say anything, it’s best for you to leave now, goodbye.”  Tammy turns around and was ready to get in the house before any of the family members had noticed her disappearance, when she felt a hand on her arm, the touch soft, light, _hesitant,_ and she thinks that she hears muffled sobs or cries, making her think as to what the hell is happening right now.

 

When she looks back, mainly because of curiosity, she didn’t expect to see the usually manly and tough man in front of him to break down in a feat of tears.

 

 

~*~

 

 

_I deserve this._

Jaebeom cannot help but think, whatever his husband’s sister is telling him right now, he deserves it, and it hurts, but he cannot blame the older woman to act that way towards him, or to say those words to him either, because all of it was true, he cannot even deny it.

 

What made him even more hurt is the fact that Mark had cried numerous times while he was talking to his older sister about what happened to them.  He had already thought about it, since the older mentioned what he feels in his letter, but hearing it from someone who would not lie about this just makes his heart crack little by little.

 

However, there is one thing that his husband and sister-in-law are so, _so_ wrong about.

 

When Tammy turns around and was about to leave him and go inside the house, he musters all the courage to lift a hand to stop her, he knows that it’s pretty bold, but he cannot lose this one and only chance that he has to save his marriage with Mark.  He needs to clarify things, he needs to come out clean with Mark’s family, and Mark as well.

 

“P-please hear me out… T-Tammy, I—”  Jaebeom chokes on his breath when a sob came out of his mouth, and that seem to had soften the rough edges of Tammy’s usually empathic eyes.  The woman just stares at him in obvious shock, as Jaebeom’s body shook with how hard he’s crying, the hand that’s holding Tammy’s arm tightening a little and without his consent.  “I was wrong—I was stupid, I’m sorry…”

 

“Jaebeom?  Jaebeom, are you okay?”  Tammy removes Jaebeom’s hand from her arm so that she can hold him by his shoulders, shaking him a little and he just shakes his head, tears flowing non-stop from both of his eyes.

 

“I’m not… I—please… I just need to see him, Tammy… I need to see my husband—”  He hiccups and Tammy can see the agony in the younger man’s eyes when it was directed to her, but she wants to make sure that this isn’t just a game that Jaebeom seems to be so good in playing.

 

“Why do you want to see him?  And why are you still calling him your husband, aren’t you already divor—”

 

“No—no, we aren’t divorced yet, no!  I don’t know what Mark heard or what he was thinking when he left me that night but _no_ , we aren’t divorced, and will never be—”

 

“You were the one who initiated the divorce, why are you saying that it will never happen now?  What’s going on?”

 

Jaebeom steadies himself and wills his body to stop from shaking as he looks at his sister-in-law in the eyes, “I did initiate it, but it also made me realize how much I love Mark, that I was stupid all these years for even thinking of letting him go…”  He sniffs and wipes the tears from his eyes before he continues, “I did want to divorce him at first, but when the time comes that we should decide for it, I am positive that I don’t want to proceed anymore.”

 

“Then why did Mark tell us that you guys are already divorced?  And it’s already done?  He says that the documents—”

 

Jaebeom frantically shakes his head Tammy isn’t sure if he even heard what she said, “No, he got it all wrong, he was wrong.  I don’t want him to leave me, Tammy, Mark is my _life,_ I was stupid and foolish for going through this, but I can’t live without him… So please…”  Jaebeom suddenly went down to his knees and Tammy gasps, her hands covering her mouth in obvious shock.

 

“Please let me see him, I just want to talk to him and make things right, Tammy.  I just want to apologize to him and clear things out, please…”  Jaebeom leans his head against the floor and Tammy was taken aback, and she didn’t even notice that the door has already opened—until they heard a gasp from their mother from the open door.

 

“Jaebeom?”  Dorine says in shock when she sees Jaebeom’s kneeling form on the floor by their front door.  Jaebeom lifts his head and the older woman gasps one more time after seeing Jaebeom’s tear-stricken face.  “W-what’s going on?  What are you doing here?  Tammy, what’s going on?”

 

“H-he came here because—”

 

“Mom, _Mom…”_ Jaebeom lowers his head once more, bowing in front of the most important women in his husband’s life, and, if Jaebeom will be totally honest, in his life as well.  “I was wrong, I was wrong for letting Mark go, but I don’t want him to leave me, I just want to see him, and talk to him, please let me see him…”  Jaebeom cries again, he doesn’t want to appear desperate and originally didn’t intend to _beg,_ but his mind and heart is telling him that he needs to do everything, so this one shouldn’t matter so much.

 

Tammy just looks at Jaebeom, confused as to what she should do.  Should she believe the younger man?  He had hurt Mark pretty badly, her brother was _devastated_ , and she’s positive that he still is, but she can’t deny that Jaebeom looks equally shattered—he looks like he haven’t gotten any sleep or rest yet, or even a decent meal for _days,_ when it’s basically just two days ago when Mark had left Korea.

 

Dorine looks between Tammy and Jaebeom, her eyes questioning her daughter as to what’s happening.  She is also confused, but she has always been a softie towards her son-in-law, and she knows that she should be mad at Jaebeom for hurting Mark, but her soft spot towards her son’s husband is still there, it’s not something that she can just remove immediately. 

 

And Jaebeom just sounded so, so desperate and sincere at this point that she can’t bear seeing him hurt any longer.

 

“Jaebeom, Jaebeom,” Dorine crouches to where Jaebeom is kneeling in front of them, grabbing his shoulders, “Jaebeom, what’s going on, why are you here?  Why do you want to talk to Mark?”  Jaebeom’s shoulders are shaking as he lifts his head to look at his mother.

 

“I want to correct my mistakes, Mom.  I want to clear our misunderstanding, we are not divorced, at least not yet, and I don’t know why he thought that we are, but we aren’t, and I don’t want to divorce him anymore, he left me a letter before he left that night and I just—I just want to see him and let him know how much I love him and how much he means to me…”  Jaebeom stops when he feels Dorine’s arms wrapping around him, her comforting embrace making his heart clench, his tears still flowing steadfastly from his eyes as the older woman rubs the back of his neck, while she lets out soothing noises behind his ear.

 

“It’s okay, Jaebeom… Calm down a little, we heard you…”  She takes a quick look at Tammy who’s also crying but she was quieter, “And we believe you, sweetie, just calm your breathing first…”  His husband’s mother started stroking his heaving back, and he wanted to return the hug, but he was motionless, and he’s not sure if he’s still allowed to do that, so he just regulated his breathing, and also tried to will his body to stop crying.

 

“That’s it, Jaebeom, you’re doing great.”  Dorine waits for Jaebeom to take a few more calming breaths before she pulls him out of her embrace, “Stand up slowly,”  She gestures for Jaebeom to stand up, and he did, but he’s still looking down, his hand searching for the handkerchief from his back pocket to wipe way his tears and snot.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Mom, Tammy, I—I didn’t mean to…”  He hiccups and Tammy wipes the remaining tears on her eyes, while Dorine runs her hands up and down her _son’s_ arms to comfort him.

 

“It’s okay, are you feeling better now?”  Jaebeom nods before he sets his gaze on his _mother,_ before looking at Tammy again when the woman spoke up.

 

“Do you really mean what you just said?”  She asks sternly—taking a few steps forward so that she’s facing her brother’s husband, “Do you really want to stay with my brother?”

 

Jaebeom was nodding frantically, “Yes, yes, I mean it, and I don’t—”

 

“Mark said you told him you fell out of love with him that’s why you filed for a divorce, how can you be sure that you’re not just confused with what you feel?  How can we be certain that you love Mark?  How can you prove to him that you still love him?”  Tammy continues, and Dorine lifts her head to look at Jaebeom, also wanting to know and clear the confusion about how Jaebeom is acting and why is he there.

 

“I—”  Jaebeom started, heaving a breath before he continues, “I was wrong, I didn’t fall out of love with Mark.  When we both got really busy, we drifted—and it’s all my fault.  When Mark was travelling often and I am left in the house, instead of talking it out with him, I decided to make myself busier at work.  I know Mark wanted to talk with me but I unconsciously avoided him since I was working hard on getting promoted, until we both stopped being intimate.  I thought I didn’t love him anymore, but when our agreement for 30 days had started, I came to realize everything…”  He looks at Dorine longingly, before shifting his gaze to his sister-in-law.

 

“I missed him, I miss how he would smile because of me, I miss his warmth, his joyous laughter, the lazy days and nights we spent together, I missed his whole being…”  He was crying again, but he didn’t stop, “That night before he left, that’s when I realized everything, and I was planning on telling him that I don’t want to proceed with the divorce anymore, but he left.  I didn’t know why, we were… we were happy that night, even the last week when we’re together, so… So I don’t know what he was thinking but I _need_ to let him know that whatever it is, he was wrong.  Whatever it is that convinced him that we are already divorced, he is wrong…”  Jaebeom looks at the women in front of him, his eyes pleading and begging.  His mother and sister-in-law just looked at each other, and Dorine lifts a hand to squeeze Tammy’s arm.

 

 

Tammy wanted to say something, or ask more questions to validate Jaebeom’s true feelings, but she cannot think of anything else.  Those things that Jaebeom mentioned is exactly what she wanted to hear, and what her little brother would like to hear as well.  She looks at her mother and the older woman smiled at her brightly, silently telling her that she feels the same.

 

Jaebeom might’ve hurt Mark, but Tammy is also certain that Jaebeom is the only person who can make his brother happy for the rest of his life.  She saw how devastated Mark is when he thought that Jaebeom has already divorced him—and she knows that her brother is still crying himself to sleep or at random times, he was just good at hiding it.

 

“Jaebeom…”  Dorine starts, lifting her hands to cup Jaebeom’s cheek, and the man leaned against the touch.

 

“I’m sorry, Mom, Tammy—”

 

“You, you can call me Noona, Jaebeom…”  His sister-in-law smiles before she extends a hand to squeeze his shoulder, and he cannot help but smile in relief.  This means that they’re going to tell Mark that he’s there and he wanted to talk to him, right? 

 

Jaebeom cannot help but feel happy, though still nervous because he might’ve convinced Mark’s mother and sister that his love for him is genuine and that he really wanted to have him back, he’s not sure if the redhead would feel the same, or would think of the same.

 

But that won’t stop Jaebeom from seeing him, or from talking to him.  It doesn’t matter if Mark won’t forgive him immediately.  Even if it takes days, weeks, or months… years… or maybe _never…_ but he is determined to still tell the slightly older man what he feels.

 

“Mom, Noona…”  Jaebeom says, catching the attention of the women in front of him.  “Y-you think I-I can speak with Mark?  Is he inside?  O-or sh-should I come back some other time?  Is he okay?”  He asks, and Dorine and Tammy just looked at each other, speaking with each other with just their eyes before Tammy shifts her gaze towards him, and answers his question.

 

 

 

~*~

 

_“Daddy!  Daddy!”_   Mark opens his eyes, that unfamiliar yet overly familiar voice ringing inside his head—and he finds himself lying on his shared bed with Jaebeom back in Korea.

 

“Daddy!!”  Before Mark can even think of what exactly is happening to him at that moment, the door of the bedroom opened, and a faceless girl, maybe about Kylie’s age, with soft, black hair, came running towards him on the bed, squealing and calling out for him continuously, until he feels the bed dip, and the girl was on top of him and hugging him delightfully.

 

“I miss you so much, Daddy…”  He felt a kiss on his neck, and Mark didn’t even realize that he’s tearing up, but he has a wide smile on his face.  He has no idea who this girl is, and why she’s calling him Daddy, but he brushed it all off, and he chose to just live the moment.  He had always wanted a daughter, and now that he is given one, he won’t let this chance slip away.  This might be a dream, or a hallucination, or the reality, he doesn’t care.

 

He doesn’t care as he lifts his arms to engulf the little girl in his arms, before burying his face on her hair.  She smells sweet, like strawberries, and he can’t help but press a kiss on the top of her head.

 

“I miss you too, baby girl.”  He murmurs, and the girl laughs, high-pitched, and Mark’s heart warmed because it sounded just like his laugh, and he wonders how in the world he managed to have a daughter of his own who laughs just like him.

 

He also wonders if this daughter that he’s holding in his arms is also Jaebeom’s daughter.

_Well, of course!  Jaebeom is my husband so—_

_Oh._

Mark suddenly remembers that Jaebeom isn’t his husband anymore.  Did he, perhaps, remarry?  The girl is still in his arms, now murmuring against his neck but he cannot understand what she’s saying.

 

“Baby girl, I don’t understand you, can you lift your head and talk to Daddy, hmm?”  Mark smiles before he tries to lift the girl’s face from his neck so that, maybe, he would be able to see her face.

 

However, when he is about to see his daughter’s face, she just… poofed in the air.

 

_What the—?_

 

“Baby girl?”  Mark sits up from his bed—or at least tried to—when he notices that he is back at the beach and he’s half-lying by the shore, the waves hitting his covered legs.  He is wearing the same pants and shirt he was wearing when he came to the beach—his whole body drenched, and he remembers walking towards the huge body of water and dipping his head to feel it against his body completely.  Did he lose consciousness and was swept by the waves back to the shore?

 

Or did someone help him?

 

Mark tries to look around, even standing up so that he can take in his surroundings completely.

 

And he saw him.

_Jaebeom._

He sees Jaebeom by the shore a few meters from him, but he’s not alone.

 

Mark was thrown right back to the dream he had yesterday—because this is pretty much the same, only the setting is different.

 

Jaebeom is once again carrying a little girl in his arms, and Mark is certain that she’s the same girl he was holding earlier, her clothes and the color of her hair is the same, and there’s another man, most likely the same faceless man in his nightmare yesterday.

 

The family looks happy, walking towards the shore with arms around each other.  Jaebeom and the other man are playing with their little girl with huge smiles on their faces.  They’re too far so Mark cannot hear their laughter—but he is sure they’ll be loud and he cannot be thankful enough that he can’t hear them, because he knows that it will just be too painful for him to bear.

 

All of a sudden, a huge wave is approaching his direction, and if Mark doesn’t move from his current position, he would be engulfed by it in full.  However, he is much more concerned about the family that he had seen earlier, so he tries to look back to where he had seen them last, but they’re gone, just like the last time.

 

Mark didn’t have enough time to run from the huge wave, and he felt it crash against his frail body, before he was swept back to the vast ocean, the waves rolling and his body dancing along with it, since it was too strong and big to fight.  He wonders if he can at least swim up once the wave calms down, but it looks like the chance is low, since the waves are moving again, the height just about the same with the ones that had thrown him back to the ocean earlier.

 

Mark was ready to let it all go.  He is still unsure if what’s happening to him is a dream or the reality, but he is just tired, and if it’s true that his ex-husband has finally found someone else to spend the rest of his life with, living the perfect life that he had imagined for himself, or rather for him and Jaebeom, he guesses that there’s absolutely no point in continuing.  He actually never thought about it—taking away his life or something, because he is sure that he is not suicidal, but if the odds are not in his favor, then he doesn’t have a choice but to go with it.

_At least before I die, I was able to say goodbye to him._

 

The wave hits again, however, this time—he didn’t feel it hitting his body completely.  He felt an arm beneath his armpits—rounding his chest, and, not long after, he was lifted from the water, making him let out huge gasps and heavy breaths.  He opened his eyes, and he was face to face with the dark orange hues of the sun slowly setting, and almost half of his body is lifted from the water, he looks down to see a clothed arm around him, and he can feel his body moving towards the shore.  He can hear grunts and heavy breaths from behind his head, and he knows that he should know who this person is, but he is still confused— _is he still dreaming_?

 

He woke up earlier on the shore before he was swept back to the ocean, and now, he wakes up again after he was lifted from the water, all of it, including right now, even the scenes with his _daughter_ and his ex-husband with his new family on the shore—so, this one that he’s currently experiencing, is this even real?

 

The person who is currently carrying him suddenly stopped moving—and Mark feels his body being lowered to the ground until he feels the sand and small pebbles beneath his body and head.  He’s not even aware that they’ve already reached the shore because of how long he has been thinking through the things that he had dreamt or experienced. 

 

All of a sudden, Mark felt his throat constrict and for water to climb up his throat, making him choke on his own breath and eventually started coughing heavily—the sea water coming out of his mouth and nose in spurts.  Good thing that he managed to at least move to his side to prevent the water from coming back, and he felt hands lifting his head and body as he continues to cough the strain and water in his throat, his hand clutching his chest as he regulates his breathing.  His lungs felt like they’re swimming on fire rather than water—which made him wonder how long he was underwater.  He didn’t even realize that he was already submerged in water if he was honest—most likely because of how distracted or lightheaded he was because of his heartaches.

 

When Mark finally regulates his breathing and he had already coughed all of the water out of his lungs—he wipes his nose and face with his shirt.  He felt hands rubbing and patting his back in a rhythmical manner, and it helped in soothing his still burning respiratory system, so he is thankful for that.

 

 _“Mark?”_   He hears the person who saved him say, and he lifts a hand and waves it as much as he can—wordlessly telling the person to wait since he’s not sure if he can speak yet.  The person didn’t ask again, but the hand stilled at the center of his back.  Mark closes his eyes, takes one huge breath before he lies back down on the ground once again—his hands folded on top of his chest.  He hears a mild thump next to him a few seconds after, and he assumes that his savior has sat or lied down next to him.  As his breathing and mind clears, he can hear slow pants next to him, and some drops of water are falling on his arm and the right side of his upper body.

 

When Mark is positive that he can already talk properly, he finally opens his eyes to see the face of the person who just saved him.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Jaebeom feels like his lungs is about to set on fire, but he cannot be worried about his own health right now when Mark is in a worse situation.  His husband is coughing the strain on his lungs and throat.  He pats and rubs his back, and he’s not sure if Mark is even aware that he’s there or he was the one who actually saved him from drowning, but his priority right now is to make sure that Mark is safe and that he would feel okay despite being under water for a little too long.

 

When Jaebeom found Mark’s secret haven—he had seen the older slowly walk towards the shore and he immediately followed him.  However, he got extremely worried because the redhead didn’t seem to be in his right mind as he cannot hear him, or didn’t give any single shit about the waves that are hitting him as he walks deeper and farther towards the huge body of water.  Jaebeom immediately removes his shoes and jacket and run towards his husband to save him.  He had troubles getting both of them back towards the shore—because even though his husband gained his consciousness as soon as he was lifted from the water, his mind is still reeling far away from here.

 

He sits next to Mark as the older lies on his back, chest heaving dramatically and eyes closed, his hands now on either side of him.  He wants to cradle his head so that it’s not fully flat on the sand, but decided against it.  When Mark finally opens his eyes, he scooted closer to the slightly older man, cupping his jaw with his large hands.

 

“Mark?  Are you okay?”  He mutters, and, much to his surprise, the older man was confused at first, his eyes blinking and unfocused.  “It’s me, Jaebeom.  Answer me, please?”  He says impatiently—wanting to know if Mark is okay or that he’s at least conscious or if he can recognize him.  He didn’t really have to wait long though because Mark’s eyes widened before soft squeal comes out of his mouth—moving away from his touch and side completely.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

“J-Jaebeom?”  Mark asks incredulously—sitting up to scoot away from the younger, his eyes still travelling up and down Jaebeom’s drenched body.

 

“Yes, baby… It’s me.  Are you okay?  What happ—”

 

“W-what are you doing here?”  Mark cuts Jaebeom off harshly—before the redhead slowly stands up, his eyes trained on the brunette in front of him.  What is his now ex-husband doing in LA?  Why is he there?  Was he the one who saved him?  Well, no one else is around, so, Mark is certain it was this man who had saved him, but, again, _why?_

As Mark tried to stand up straight, he wobbles a little in place—his head and chest still throbbing, and he sees Jaebeom approaching him on reflex, his arms extended in front of him as if he would try to hold him, but Mark isn’t having that—so he pushes Jaebeom’s hands away, using all his strength to stand up in front of his _ex-husband_ and confront him as to what the hell is happening.

 

“I’m not going to ask you twice, Lim Jaebeom-ssi—” The formality on how he called the younger man tasted bitter against his tongue, but this is the reality.  He is no longer connected to this person, hence, he is nothing more than just a stranger, “What the hell are you doing here?  Do you need anything for the divorce?  I know that my presence isn’t necessary anymore just like what Youngjae said, right?  So I don’t think you have any valid reason to be here…”  He spits, harshly, and it sent daggers to Jaebeom’s heart on how cold and unattached his husband sounds while talking to him.

 

“I-no-I didn’t come here for that… I…”  Jaebeom starts, but he felt his throat closing up, his emotions overwhelming his entire being with just his husband’s mere presence.  He stares at Mark, glad that he came just in time before he accidentally drowns himself, he is happy that he was able to save him.

 

However, what bothers him now is how is he going to explain why he’s there?  He had chanted a lot of phrases and statements on the plane, in his car while driving towards their parents’ place—while he was driving to Mark’s safe haven.  But, now that the man that he almost lost _twice_ is finally in front of him, treating him like he is a nobody—Jaebeom feels devastated.

 

“You what?  What more do you need from me, Jaebeom?”  Mark snarls, and Jaebeom bites his lower lip to stop it from trembling—his nails digging against his palms.  “I came here and ran away from you because I don’t want to see you!  Yet you’re here?  I thought I told you on my letter that you can just have your cousin call me if you need anything!  Why do you need to be here?  Why the _fuck_ would you be here!”  Mark growls, and Jaebeom’s heart that’s already cracking finally shattered at the agony and pain bleeding in his husband’s words, his eyes misting and he wants to hug Mark, to tell him everything and to clear up the confusion, whatever it is, but he is stuck—how does he even comfort his husband now?

 

“No—wait, please, Mark, I need to tell you something…”

 

“No, no—don’t touch me!”  Mark pushes him when he steps closer and attempts to hold him in place, and Jaebeom swallows the pain of being rejected by his husband again and again.

 

“Okay, okay…”  Jaebeom breathes in deeply, “I won’t touch you, or get near you, Mark, just… Just, please?  Just hear me out?  I—I just—just need to tell you something, and it’s very important…”  He says, pleading, and Mark just looks at him, stunned, maybe because he wasn’t expecting him to beg just like that when his husband actually had the idea that they’re already separated.  Using that to his advantage, Jaebeom finally starts explaining himself.

 

“I’m sorry…”  Jaebeom brushes his wet fringe from his face before looking up to Mark, who’s still standing in the same place, hugging himself when the wind blew harsher against their drenched bodies.  “I am sorry for hurting you many, _many_ times during our marriage—when I filed for divorce without even regarding your opinion or considering your suggestion… I’m sorry for being such an asshole for solely deciding how our marriage should go—for even filing for that divorce in the first place…”  Jaebeom covers his eyes when he felt fresh tears flowing from them, but he didn’t stop, he needs to say _everything_ that he had been wanting to say to Mark, things that should’ve been said a long time ago.

 

“I’m sorry for telling you that I don’t love you anymore, for being such a selfish asshole to only think about myself, for completely disregarding how you might’ve felt that time when I told you that… For giving you the thought that you are not enough, that you should’ve been a better husband, that you should’ve done better, that you—”  Jaebeom’s breath hitched and he almost chokes on his next words because it hurt too much, “You could’ve been that husband who is not worth leaving…”  Just remembering Mark’s words on the letter hurt Jaebeom so much that he cannot look at Mark any further, knowing that it was him who had caused such pain to him—he cannot forgive himself in that thought alone.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being blind… I’m sorry for not seeing clearly, I’m sorry for being blinded by our misunderstandings and pride…”  Jaebeom looks at Mark, who’s just looking at him with his dark brown eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

 

“You are wrong for all those things you said—” He continues, and Mark’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as to what he means.

 

“You are the _perfect_ husband, Mark…”  He took a step closer, just to be sure that he locks the elder’s gaze, “You are the best husband any one can ever have… You’re caring, lovable, loyal, trustworthy, _beautiful,_ intelligent, funny, _sarcastic_ , soft, hardworking, talented, warm…”  Jaebeom stops when he remembers the feeling of hugging his husband during the last 30 days, “You are _everything_ that any human being can ever ask for…”

 

 

 

Mark just openly stares at Jaebeom—tons of thoughts running inside his head.  First, why his now ex-husband is there right in front of him, second, why is he apologizing and telling him these things?  This isn’t something that he had imagined, maybe hoped for, sure, but this is far from the reality that he had thought of—Jaebeom following him in LA and apologizing to him for everything that had happened that caused their marriage to break.

 

Perhaps, he’s still dreaming?

 

_Maybe this is still a dream.  Or maybe Jaebeom is just doing this to make me feel better after all that he did.  This must be his conscience talking._

Mark cannot help but laugh, loud, dripping with sarcasm, directed towards that man in front of him, who is now staring at him confusedly.  When he stops laughing, he brushes his hair from his face, and putting both of his hands on top of his waist.

 

“Are you done?”  He mutters, and even before the younger can react, he continues, “So this is how it is?  You coming here to tell me these?  To assure me that I am not the one at fault, what?  To make me feel better?  To make me feel—what—less… heartbroken?  Is this your way of helping me out?  Is this how you’re going to repay the letter that I had sent you and for signing the divorce papers?  Is this it, Lim Jaebeom?”

 

“W-wait, Mark, no!  I—”

 

“ _Perfect husband?_ Right.  If I was the perfect husband, then none of us should be here, don’t you think?  The two of us should be in Seoul, living our lives together and not drenched in sea water—and one of us trying to clear his conscience because of unknowingly—or, knowingly—hurting the other.”  Mark cannot help it, the words just keep coming out despite him trying to control himself.  The letter that he left for Jaebeom bared all his raw emotions and his love for Jaebeom—but seeing the younger man and hearing those words from him, he doesn’t know what to make out of it, and he just nearly drowned himself.

 

He’s extremely confused.

 

 “Mark, that’s not what I meant—”

 

“Then what do you mean?”  Mark is suddenly right in front of him and Jaebeom’s chest clenched upon seeing his husband’s puffy and swollen eyes.  “What does this whole you following me here fiasco mean?  Don’t tell me that you want me back?”  He laughs again, the thought might’ve been something that he had hoped for—going back to their warm home, to their pets, and on their warm bed… In Jaebeom’s warm arms, but it’s just ridiculous.

 

Not when they’re already separated and the divorce had already taken place.

 

 

Jaebeom didn’t speak, the words coming out of the elder’s mouth is surprising, since the older hasn’t talked to him like that ever before.  He must’ve kept all those frustrations with him because he was thinking rationally that none of this was their fault, he thought he fell out of love, and Mark thinks that it’s normal, and that he cannot do anything about it.  But his sudden presence and his words might’ve sparked something deep within Mark’s heart that he had kept locked for him to not sound unreasonable or ridiculous even.

 

“What?  Don’t tell me that’s what you’re really thinking?”  Mark laughs sarcastically again—walking away from him to set a considerable distance—and Jaebeom closed his eyes in frustration—Mark’s tone and his way of talking hurts, _it hurts_ a lot that he might be thinking that getting back together is such a funny thought.

 

“I—well… Y-yeah, that’s—”  Jaebeom clears his throat, and when he was about to continue—Mark cuts him off.

 

“Don’t make me laugh, _please_ , Jaebeom…”  Mark giggles, but his laugh didn’t reach his eyes, “Don’t you think it’s too late?  We’re already divorced, right?  So, we just filed for a divorce and then we’ll get married again?  Is that the game you’re trying to play?”

 

_Divorced?  What?  What is he talking about?_

“What do you mean divorced?  I don’t—”

 

“Oh come on, are you really serious?”  Mark stares at him incredulously again, “There’s really no point in lying to me now, Jaebeom, I already know—”

 

“You know what?  Mark, we’re not divorced yet, we were supposed to meet Youngjae that day you left, remember?  We haven’t given—”

 

“It’s really funny that you’re pushing through with these lies, Jaebeom-ssi.”  Mark shakes his head multiple times, as if he’s blocking what Jaebeom was saying, or trying to remove it from his head, “This game is over, now, if you don’t mind—or if it’s not much to ask—I’m leaving, have a good life.”  Mark starts to walk away, but Jaebeom cannot let him go, not when he is now sure that Mark was clearly mistaken, and he won’t let this day pass without knowing what it is.

 

“Mark, Mark, let me explain, what do you mean by that?  I don’t remember us agreeing to have the divorce push through, do you?  We haven’t talked to Youngjae yet, since—since that day, so I am more than sure that—”

 

“Why do you keep denying it?”  Mark suddenly screams—and he turns around so fast that he might’ve had a whiplash—and he looks like he had already reached his breaking point, tears now running down his eyes despite trying to stop them earlier by acting nonchalant and unbothered by Jaebeom’s words and presence.  “How can you even _lie_ at this very moment—is this who you really are?  Did I mistaken you the whole time?  You may not love me anymore, but I didn’t know that you would want to extend the hurt by doing this to me, by feeding me _lies?”_ Mark shouts some more, and Jaebeom just gets even more and more confused.

 

“Mark, calm down, please—I—I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, and I’m not lying to you, I promise!  I never did, and never will—”  Jaebeom walks towards Mark when the older turns around to walk away from him again, this time, he didn’t hesitate to grab his shoulders to turn him around so that they’re face to face, “Mark, talk to me, tell me, tell me what’s wrong?  I honestly don’t know what’s going on, please—”

 

 

“I saw the text!!!”  Mark wails, his hands holding his face as he cries even more, which made Jaebeom think what text is his husband talking about.  He doesn’t need to wait long though because Mark speaks again, “I saw that text message Youngjae sent you that Monday morning when you were in the room and you left your phone outside!  The text that he sent right after I missed his call!”  Mark’s voice is quivering, just like his whole body as he admits this boldly, “It says that the papers are already with him! And he was asking if you and I are coming the next day take care of it!”  Mark suddenly pushes him with all his might, making him stagger a few steps backwards.

 

“I am not stupid to now know what that means, Jaebeom.  I know that those are our divorce papers and you just had to send it to him before the 30 days period is up!”  Mark sounded so agonized and just so done with everything, and Jaebeom is flabbergasted—he finally knows the reason why Mark ran away from him that next day despite them making love the previous night, because Mark thought that they’re already divorced because of Youngjae’s message.  His husband was misled by that text, he thought it was the divorce papers, but, _he’s wrong, he got it wrong all this time,_ Jaebeom thinks.

 

“You were just _that_ eager to get out of this marriage that you had to—”  Mark gulps the lump in his throat, and Jaebeom was still speechless, but still listens to what Mark has to say, “You had to send the documents beforehand… So I just know that this is how this will all end, you wanted the divorce, and I gave it to you by leaving, because I don’t want to see you when I go because—because I might look stupid and beg for you to stop it but—but…”  Mark sobs wreck his chest, and Jaebeom can almost feel it against his own, he felt like daggers are piercing them one by one until it leaves him bleeding.

 

“Mark, Mark, calm down, baby, please—you got it all wrong—”

 

“Just leave me alone, please—I need to be alone—” Mark moves away but Jaebeom hurried to his side until he’s facing him.

 

“Mark…”  Jaebeom reaches for the elder’s arm to stop him, but Mark was quick to pull his arms away from the younger’s grip.

 

“Don’t lie to me!!  Don’t _fucking_ lie to me anymore… Just… stop… Please… It hurts so much, Jaebeom… Just go and leave me alone… Please…”  Mark closes his eyes as he continues to cry, now standing in front of Jaebeom looking so small and hurt and Jaebeom wants to kill himself.

 

“I just want you to know the truth, baby, I promise, that’s not what the text is for, it’s—”

 

 

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST STOP!!?”  Mark shouts and tries to push Jaebeom away, but his knees already buckled and he was about to fall on the ground, but Jaebeom was quick to catch him in his arms, and Mark doesn’t have the energy to fight him or to move away from his touch, so he just cried against the younger’s chest, his hands on either side of him, and he hears Jaebeom making soothing sounds above his ear, and he feels a little calmer, or maybe he’s just tired and done with everything, or that he just truly missed the brunette’s warm, broader body against his.  After a few minutes of him just crying and the other man hugging him and rubbing circles against his back, he felt Jaebeom’s hands climbing up to his face, cupping his jaw and lifting his head from his chest, but Mark cannot seem to open his eyes to look at him, afraid that if he looks at them, he’ll break the poor walls that he put up to protect his heart.

 

“Mark, baby, look at me, please, let me explain…”  Jaebeom brushes his thumbs over his cheeks, but he shakes his head, but he cannot seem to push him away, his hands still unmoving on his sides.

 

“Just listen to me then, I’m begging you, baby, please, it’s not what you think it is…”  Mark can hear the tremor in the younger’s voice, and he finally forced his eyes open, and Jaebeom’s eyes are pleading, _begging_ , tears also lingering at the edge of his usually sharp eyes, and Mark cannot tear his gaze away from his husband’s beautiful eyes, as always.  When Jaebeom notices Mark’s curious stare, he took this opportunity to let the truth out.

 

“Those papers that Youngjae are talking about on the text… They’re… They’re the papers for the lease of the unit you’re renting for your Art business—not our divorce papers...”  Jaebeom breathes out, hands now on either side of Mark’s neck, his thumbs cannot help but rub them against Mark’s tensed neck, “I know it sounded silly, that it arrived a day before we should decide for our divorce, and I haven’t really thought that it would fall under the same day…”

 

Mark is just so confused right now, _lease of his Art business?  What the hell does his husband mean?_

 

“I… I don’t understand, Jaebeom.”  Mark says, and Jaebeom smiles a little—he knows that he shouldn’t be in a state where he should admire how cute his husband looks when he’s confused or that he’s thinking of something deeply, but he immediately gathered his thoughts, happy that the older seems to be listening to him now, so he can’t let this golden opportunity pass, so he proceeds.

 

“It was… was a week ago when I spoke with the building owner… I know that they were not open to selling the unit before, but… I kind of convinced them to finally sell it to me— _to us._ So…”  Jaebeom bites his lower lip when his husband still looks confused as ever, “I bought it… I bought it the moment the owner agrees.  Since we both had it, he didn’t bat an eyelash when I told him that it was supposed to be a birthday present for you… So… the papers that were sent to Youngjae that day was the title, right of way, etc., the formal papers and stuff…”  Jaebeom cannot help but reach out to grab the short hairs at Mark’s nape, and his husband is still frozen in place, unable to utter any word out.

 

“So Youngjae was talking about those lease papers on the text…”  He slowly and tentatively runs his thumb over Mark’s cheekbone to wipe away his tears, “And… he said that the two of us should meet him… It was mainly because of that… And… Well… Maybe he found it convenient to schedule it that day since we can also talk about our final decision on our divorce on the same day…” Jaebeom continues as clearly and carefully as he can and Mark finally stops crying, though he still looks bewildered by the information, so Jaebeom gives him a small, understanding smile, both of his thumbs now wiping the remaining tears on his eyes before fixing the loose fringe on his forehead so that he can see his eyes clearly.

 

Jaebeom holds Mark’s gaze, those dark brown orbs that had captured his heart 10 years ago from their first meeting, before he continues, “Also, if you don’t remember, Youngjae has our divorce papers from day one… We didn’t keep it, right?  It was with him all this time—until we had decided on what to do next…”

 

Mark blinks once, twice, thrice, before he shakes his head, then grabs Jaebeom’s hands that are on his body—feeling silly for allowing the slightly younger man to do it in the first place—before completely dodging away from any possible touches, his gaze steely and cold when he meets Jaebeom’s.

 

“And you have plans of giving that unit to me as a form of consolation or compensation?  Then what?  You would still tell Youngjae that we are pushing through with the divorce, is that it?”  Mark cannot help but accuse his husband, mainly because his heart is betraying him when he started to feel giddy at the thought of those papers not actually their divorce papers, but for the place where his Art business lies.  He doesn’t want to be sure, he cannot be complacent, not when Jaebeom had been capable of filing the divorce in the first place.

 

“No, no, Mark, that’s not it—”

 

“Then what is it?  Why are you doing this?  What will happen if we happen to meet Youngjae that day?  What will you tell him?”  Mark meets Jaebeom’s gaze, who always holds a certain warmth in them, which he might’ve lost for a few years, but it was back full-force now, his husband taking careful, light steps forward so that he is right in front of the older, his hands on either side of him, itching to hold the older between his arms, but he kept them still, as he continues to look at Mark’s uncertain, and still doubtful eyes.

 

“I would get our divorce papers from him, and tear it apart until it’s ripped into tiny pieces…” He says, with utmost sincerity that caused a lump to form in Mark’s throat, but Jaebeom isn’t done yet.  “I will tell him that I will never, _ever_ leave you, and divorce you, I would want to stay by your side, _forever,_ and that I want to be called your husband… That I want you to be mine, and be yours… until the end.”  Jaebeom reaches out to grab Mark’s hand before bringing it to his lips, his tears now flowing steadfastly from his eyes.

 

“That night… that night before you left… I had told you that I love you so much, that I can’t bear with you leaving me… that I don’t want to proceed with the divorce anymore…”  Both of Jaebeom’s hands are now holding Mark’s tightly, like he would get drowned by his emotions if he doesn’t hold them.  “But you fell asleep as soon as we’re done… so I guess you didn’t hear me… But… even before that night, I was almost certain that I do not want to be far from you anymore… That I love you so, so, _so_ much that I feel so stupid for suggesting that we have a divorce in the first place.”

 

“I know that what I did is unforgiveable, I let you suffer so much and I was selfish, so selfish that I only thought about myself and I haven’t thought about how you felt—”  Jaebeom is now kneeling on the wet sand of the beach in front of Mark, who is watching his poor husband let his feelings out, “And this is all my fault, everything, _everything_ that happened between us is because of _me,_ if I was more open to how I feel, if I was just more honest, if I wasn’t hard headed when I noticed the changes in how we treat each other, this shouldn’t have happened…”  Jaebeom looks up to where Mark is holding his mouth, trying to control his fraying emotions as his husband lays all his feelings bare.

 

“I know that you’re not assertive with your feelings and that you always go with what’s happening, and that you rarely express how you feel… I should have understood you better… I am sorry… I am so, _so_ sorry, Mark.  I am sorry if you thought that you are not enough… that you are the ones at fault… I’m sorry if you felt insecure and that you doubted yourself… of how amazing and wonderful you are… I’m sorry…”  Jaebeom sobs heavily, loudly, his emotions overflowing with need to prove to Mark that he is sorry, that he was at the wrong the whole time, that Mark doesn’t need to blame himself, or think lowly of himself because he didn’t do anything wrong, he was loving, caring, amazing, gives and gives without expecting anything in return, he is Jaebeom’s savior, he was the reason why Jaebeom had endured everything until now, the hardships of school, of work, everything.

 

“I can’t live without you, Mark…”  Jaebeom stands up in wobbly legs, and Mark was there, holding him in place so that he won’t fall on the ground face first, and Jaebeom cries again, but he can’t seem to hold on to Mark, _yet,_ he looks at the older with determined eyes, as he continues, ”I realized my mistake the hard way, that morning when I woke without you by my side, with half of your things gone, how the silence of the house seemed to be deafening, piercing my ears…”  He hiccups as Mark just listens, his owns sobs still hidden in his chest, “I was scared, I-I was terrified… I can’t—I can’t imagine being in that same house without you in there… I don’t—I don’t think I can live without you…” Mark’s eyes widened when Jaebeom’s red-rimmed, teary eyes had a new look on them, and Mark cannot seem to look elsewhere—his brown orbs are trapped in the deep black hues of his _husband’s._

 

“I never fell out of love with you, Mark…”  Jaebeom takes a step closer, and Mark didn’t take a step back this time.  “I still am… It took me a while to realize…  Because I was too prideful and that I never want to admit my mistakes… But I do…I still love you… and… Just like what you said on the letter… I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone as much as I love you…”  Jaebeom hugs himself, still afraid that Mark would reject him, but he holds Mark’s gaze, and with utmost sincerity, he conveys his deepest thoughts.

 

“I love you so much, Mark Tuan-Lim… I hope that I am not too late yet…”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Mark wanted to believe Jaebeom, he really does, he is even convinced that a part of him already did believe that his husband is truly sorry, and that he still loves him, that he wanted to spend the rest of their lives together until the end.

 

However, Mark is still uncertain—what if the younger feels that way again?  What if Jaebeom, all of a sudden, wakes up and realizes that he is not in love with Mark again? What if he wakes up one night and Jaebeom would ask him to divorce again?  Mark is not sure if he can survive it this whole divorce thing happens again.

 

Mark is beyond _horrified_ at this point, his heart overwhelmed with Jaebeom’s words… words of love, forgiveness, sorrow, sorry… But why doesn’t it seem enough to make his resolve crumble?  What else does he need?

 

He looks at the man in front of him, who normally looks strong, mighty, his broad frame and tough exterior blinding other people about his real self, the soft, loving, caring, and understanding husband—now looking so, _so small_ while he hugs himself and bows his head, tears still escaping his eyes and sobs deafening his ears, even though Jaebeom tries to keep it as silent as he can be.

 

Mark is still worried, he cannot help it.  He loves Jaebeom to death, and those words that Jaebeom said are the words that he had been wanting to hear, had been _dreaming_ to hear since the divorce had started.  When him and Jackson had talked about a way on how to, somehow, win his husband’s heart back, he had thought about it multiple times, how Jaebeom would tell him and shower him with words of love and affection, telling him that he’s still in love with him and that he doesn’t want to divorce him anymore.

 

And he just heard them, he had seen his husband pour his heart out and tell him that he still loves him and he didn’t even fall out of love with him in the first place.  Also, a small part of his brain was whispering something to him that it might’ve been his fault as well that he didn’t push harder when he noticed the changes between them.  He did try, God knows for sure he did, but he was afraid of what he’s going to hear from Jaebeom if he confronts him about it.  So, Mark concludes, he might’ve contributed to this whole misunderstanding and divorce situation too.

 

Mark wipes the lingering tears on his eyes, and when he looks up again, Jaebeom is already staring at him, his hands on either side of him, his gaze and arms, longing, _waiting,_ asking him wordlessly on what he’s about to say, if he’s going to forgive him, if he’s going to push him away, _anything._ He bites his lower lip, he cannot bear seeing his husband like this, at that moment, he wanted to pull him in his arms and bury his face in his neck, rub his back and tell him that it’s okay, and that he still loves him too, and that he wanted to continue living with him until they grow old, that he wanted to continue spending the rest of his life with him.

 

_But he can’t._

And Mark doesn’t know as to _why_ and _what_ he needs from Jaebeom now that he’s here with him, and the younger is trying his best to save their marriage.  But should trust be gained that easily?  Should he just believe his husband immediately just because he saved him from the waters and he looks absolutely wrecked, physically and emotionally?  Is this enough proof that Jaebeom is telling the truth, and, he would guarantee that he will not leave his side anymore?

 

Mark is so confused—he can’t help but close his eyes in frustration and internal conflict, his palms pressing tightly against his eyes before holding his head, breathing in and out calmly, his nerves still on haywire and breaths still slowly calming, but his heartbeat is still fast, uneven—like a time bomb that would set off if he doesn’t get his mind straight and out of this confusion and inner struggle of wanting to end all of this by throwing himself right at the very arms of Jaebeom, or run as fast as he can away from him.

 

_Why can’t anything just be easy?_

Mark cannot help but look at his husband again, and Jaebeom seemed to have gone back to his senses as well, and their eyes met in a rather cliché way, just like the first time they met at the university grounds when he was almost hit by a bike, and Mark was rendered motionless, speechless, under the spell of his husband’s attractive, yet sad, pleading eyes.

~*~

 

 

_Is this the end?_

Jaebeom looks at his husband who looks so conflicted and confused, and he’s so, _so_ sorry to have caused him such inconvenience and pain.  He is also hurt and in pain, but he knows that what Mark is feeling at the moment is at least 10 times more than what he’s feeling.  He was the one who was abandoned, unloved.  Apart from heartaches, he also lost his self-confidence and the ability to even love himself because he thought that he isn’t good enough, and will never be.

 

Jaebeom feels shitty, all over.  The adrenaline is starting to wear off—and he can feel his strength dropping.  Swimming a few meters and carrying another person isn’t easy as he isn’t that great of a swimmer himself, but, with the power of whatever supernatural is there, he managed to get him and his husband out of the water and into the safe shore.

 

Jaebeom clearly knows what Mark is feeling, and he cannot really blame him.  He had thought about this before, and this is what his sister and mother-in-law had talked to him about before he left the house.

 

Mark is now looking up, hands still on his sides and Jaebeom suddenly thought of something.  The phrase that he had been overly familiar with for the last month or so—the words that he mumbles every morning when him and Mark wakes up.

 

When he was on the plane going to LAX, Jaebeom had a realization that he initially felt stupid about, for not knowing immediately as to why his husband had requested that particular phrase to be said to him for the last 30 days of their marriage.  He was crying at the small bathroom of the plane when he finally remembered it, and he felt ten times guiltier and remorseful, because that phrase had their couple’s trademark, per say, and he was embarrassed that he didn’t even realize it until now, now that the possibility of losing his husband forever is really, _really_ high.

 

Jaebeom got so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize that Mark is already looking at him, his eyes glassy, his lower lip trapped between his teeth, clearly anxious, scared, and worried.

 

_Is he going to refuse me?  Is he going to throw me away?  Or will he give me another chance?_

_It’s now or never._

Jaebeom takes a step closer when his husband didn’t tear his gaze away from him, and he secures his stare, locking eyes with Mark’s deep, brown ones.  Mark didn’t flinch or move away, his husband seems to be more focused in looking at his eyes, reading, trying to understand what his gaze means, and, Jaebeom says it.

 

“I’m your energy.”

 

 

~*~

 

Mark thought he was hearing things.  He keeps staring at Jaebeom whose eyes are still locked on his, after he just muttered that standard phrase that he requested off of him while they’re waiting to make a decision for their divorce.

 

The statement that his husband seemed to have forgotten the entire purpose of—or what it was for.

 

“Mark…”  Jaebeom speaks up again, and Mark just looks, not knowing what else to say.  Why is his husband bringing this up all of a sudden?  “I—I’m your energy…”  His husband is tearing up again as he steps closer, before he lets out a laugh mixed with a cry, placing his hand on top of his eyes to wipe away his tears before gazing at the redhead again.

 

“I can’t believe I was that stupid to not remember what the meaning of that phrase is… Why you requested for me to say that to you every morning…”  Jaebeom cries, but he didn’t tear his gaze away from Mark.  Mark, on the other hand, is still confused.

 

“I… I am not sure if I understand what you mean, Jaebeom.”  Mark shakes his head a little, confused as to what the younger man is saying.

 

“I’m sorry…”  Jaebeom wipes his tears again before taking another step towards Mark, locking his gaze and Mark’s worries dissolves again when he meets Jaebeom’s desperate and pleading eyes.  “I feel even more stupid for not even recognizing that phrase, _damn,_ Mark, it was… it was important for you, even for me, it was, it was something that helped me get through everything during rough times…”

 

“J-Jaebeom…”  Mark thinks, looks into Jaebeom’s eyes again, and analyzes his words.  Then, it suddenly hit him.

_Could he, perhaps, remember?_

Mark suddenly can’t breathe.  _Could his husband really remember what that phrase was for?  As well as his marriage vows?_ Mark lets out a shuddering breath, hugging himself when a gust of wind hits both of them, making him shiver, but he knows that it isn’t entirely because of the sun slowly setting, making the weather chilly from how it was when he got there a few hours ago.

 

Jaebeom nods, continuously, answering Mark’s unsaid questions.  Jaebeom looks at his husband and he knows what exactly he wants to know, so he says it, “I remember when we use to call you Markachu back when we were in college because you loved Pikachu so much…”  Jaebeom reaches a hand cup his husband’s face, and he closes his eyes when Mark leans into the touch.

 

“Whenever I feel down, or the rest of our friends, you would always do your best to cheer them up.  Jackson may be the most energetic of all of us, but you’re the ones who is almost always there, to provide silent comfort and gesture.  With me, whenever I’m down, you always give me the most powerful hugs, and the sweetest kisses, making my mood shift 180 degrees… And you would always say that you will be my energy, especially those times that I think like I am losing it, completely…”  Jaebeom is now holding Mark’s face with both of his hands, and Mark holds on to his wrists, crying, Jaebeom’s confession is something that he isn’t expecting, he thought that his husband had forgotten about it, just like how he had forgotten about how much he had loved him, his promises of eternal love, and his promises of staying by his side forever.

 

“And when we got married…”  Jaebeom smiles, the memory of Mark in his gray suit walking down the aisle, looking handsome and elegant and everything that he wanted at that moment.  He caresses the apple of Mark’s cheek, their noses almost touching as his husband’s breath hits his own, “I made a promise…”  Jaebeom’s presses his forehead against Mark’s and Mark closes his eyes, tries to control his sobs but they’re already creeping up his throat— _he did remember everything._

“I promised you that from then on, I will be your _energy,_ to give back those times that you served as mine…”  Jaebeom kisses Mark’s nose, and continues, “I promised you that I will be your source of energy moving forward… And I promised to not leave you, to be with you forever, or as long as you need me to… As long as we’re alive, I will be with you…”  Jaebeom presses his lips on Mark’s forehead, his tears drenching his cheeks and Mark’s forehead, but none of them seem to care.

 

“I promise to love you with all my heart and soul, until my very last breath.”  Jaebeom cries, and Mark breaks down, crying so hard that made the younger wrap an arm around him and crushing him to his chest, which Mark buries his face against, closing the distance between their bodies.  The older cannot hold back any longer, he cries and cries, the words that his husband uttered are the words he didn’t even know he needed, _craved,_ and longed to hear.  He wraps his arms around his husband’s waist, hugging him as tight as he can, his doubts and worries being washed away by the huge waves now engulfing the shore, along with the tears escaping both his and the younger’s eyes.

 

“I know I made a mistake, and I am so, so, sorry for everything, Mark…”  Jaebeom buries his face in his husband’s hair, “I promise I will not leave you, _ever._ I will _die,_ Mark, I will die without you in my life…”  The younger man holds the redhead closer and tighter against him, and Mark wanted to say something, but his throat his clogged and his tears are still pouring heavily from his eyes, so just nods against Jaebeom’s broad chest, conveying his message without saying anything, hopefully his husband will understand that _it’s okay, he doesn’t have to worry anymore, because he’s there, with him, and he will not leave him too._

“I love you…”  Jaebeom muttered against Mark’s head, burying his nose against the familiar tuff of red hair and breathing him in, “I love you so much, baby…”  Jaebeom repeats, again, and again, and Mark leans his head at the side of Jaebeom’s neck before pulling away, smiling when he places his large hands on Jaebeom’s face, wiping his tears away so that he can look into his eyes.  Once Jaebeom’s eyes meet his, he answers him.

 

“I love you so much too, Jaebeom.”  His voice is gravely, scratched, but the bright, teary smile that Jaebeom threw at him is enough for him to crawl back into the younger’s arms and bury his face on the wet, clothed chest.  He’s not sure if it’s his tears or the sea water, or maybe both, but he felt like crying again, so he did, but the tears that are escaping his eyes are not because of pain anymore, but of relief, love, and contentment.

 

Jaebeom cannot be any happier.  Finally, his husband his back in his arms.  Mark has problems with expressing his thoughts over words, but his actions and his eyes says it all.  Those seven words that Mark uttered is enough to heal his own wounds, and he knows that it’ll take a while for Mark to heal completely.  He might’ve accepted him already, but it’s not easy to forget everything that he did.  He promises that he’ll continue to nurse Mark’s wounds that he had caused.  It might scar him, leave a permanent mark in his heart, but Jaebeom will still be there, until the scar is forgotten and would not be worth any kind of attention or going back to.

 

All of a sudden, he felt his husband’s fist hitting his chest, continuously, Mark’s nose buried against his neck as his punches against his chest gets harder, and Jaebeom conceals the pain, because he knows that he deserves it.  Mark suddenly looks up with an annoyed, yet cute expression on his face—his chin leaning against his chest, his lips in a huge pout and eyes red-rimmed and Jaebeom feels bad for appreciating Mark’s cuteness in situations like this.  With one last smack on his chest (that almost brought tears to his eyes), the slightly older man speaks.

 

“If you ever, _ever_ bring up the word _divorce_ again I swear to all the holy and mighty that I am going to skin you alive and throw you to this same ocean Lim Jaebeom!”  Mark slaps his chest, now playfully and Jaebeom smiles, nodding his head before engulfing Mark in a sweet embrace, and he smiles when Mark leans against him, nosing his neck once again before grabbing the sides of his shirt.

 

“That’s my LA gangstah husband.”  Jaebeom decides to joke but it only earned him another hard smack on his side.

 

“I am not joking!”  Mark pinches his side and Jaebeom half-squeals, half-groans at the pain and tickling at his side.

 

“I know you’re not, baby… I’m just kidding…”  Jaebeom kisses the top of his head and Mark smiles against his chest, wrapping both of his arms around him and rubbing his nose against his shirt.

 

“I love you so much Mark, thank you for giving me a second chance…”

 

“I love you too…”  Mark stills, and mutters against Jaebeom’s chest, sincerely and seriously this time, “Please… please don’t ever do that again… I can’t… I don’t know if I can…”  Mark cannot help but cry again and Jaebeom’s heart broke into million pieces, he swears in all that is mighty that he will not let anyone hurt his husband, even him.

 

“Never again, Mark... I promise… I promise… baby…”  Jaebeom mutters, and Mark smiles again, laughing a little when he blew his nose against Jaebeom’s white, long-sleeved shirt, but both of them do not care, they laughed and cried and continued to hold each other, the mess on their bodies and faces forgotten and blown away by the winds surrounding the two of them.

 

They just stayed that way for a couple of minutes, the sun slowly sinking, the wind blowing past them from the depths of the wide ocean in front of them, but the warmth of being in each other’s arms dissipates it all, and Mark can’t help but lean closer to Jaebeom, missing him so much it almost hurt, and the realization that his husband not continuing with the divorce and that he never really stopped loving him still feels surreal, but he can’t deny the joy it brought to his heart to and to his very soul.  He may not be able to guarantee that they’re going to be OK forever, or that this misunderstanding would be something that they can get over with in just days or weeks, but they’ll do it together, they’ll overcome whatever challenges life brings them, as long as they have and _love_ each other.

 

Jaebeom seemed to have sensed the slight change in the way his husband is hugging him, so he presses light kiss on Mark’s slightly drenched head, the touch so light and heartfelt that Mark feels tears escaping his eyes once more, but he knows that his husband will not judge him.  Jaebeom lets a few tears flow from his eyes too, now holding his husband’s face between his palms, cradling his jaw with care as he brushes his thumb over his cheekbone, which is now a bit more prominent, making his heart hurt when he felt fresh tears escaping Mark’s eyes.

 

Jaebeom leans forward to kiss Mark’s eyes, and Mark holds on to him tighter, savoring the feeling of Jaebeom’s lips travelling from both his eyes to his nose, to both his cheeks, and, finally his lips.

 

The kiss is sweet, longing, full of hope, apologies, and new-found happiness.  And Mark thinks that this moment is something that he would never exchange for anything else.  This moment is irreplaceable and life-changing, as if the sun is just about to shine and didn’t just dawned and escape the surface of the Earth, he wanted to catch all of the kisses, touch, and smiles, to imprint in his mind forever.

 

His husband, is, pretty much, thinking of the same thing, if the glassy and amused eyes staring down at him is not enough indication.

 

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEW! There, that’s it! That’s the happy ending that our main characters deserve, right? Right!!?? Though I have to admit that the ending could’ve been better, or much more detailed, IDK, but I can’t add anything to this anymore so I’m sorry if it isn’t enough, or that you think there’s more to it. I suck at ending fics, (hi Pray I’m looking at you) which I am still trying to improve on—so hopefully on the next ones? ;)
> 
> It actually felt surreal that I was able to finish this knowing that I am so bad at chaptered fics, so I’m a little overwhelmed right now. This is also the longest Markbum fic that I’ve written, so I feel a little proud and accomplished and also considering that this is just meant to be a one-shot :D Thank you for all of you who had patiently waited for my very slow updates, you guys are the real heroes!
> 
> I also wanted to apologize that I haven’t responded to some of the comments, especially when the second and third chapters were released, mainly because I am afraid I’ll let some spoilers out HAHA but I read all of them and I am thankful for each and every comment you guys had left for this work of mine! To those who had mentioned that this fic made you cry, then I think it has done its job HAHA and for those who were angry at me by hurting Mark or Jaebeom, I’m sorry >< I hope that the ending compensates(?) for the pain(?)!
> 
> I would like to take this chance to thank Aya, @morkzone, and @Markbum_HOLIC for helping me out WITH A LOT OF things for this fic—beta-ing, suggesting scenes to be removed or to be added, I really, really appreciate it! I love you both so much <3
> 
> Also, if you guys had been keeping track of my Twitter account—I had actually deactivated about two or three weeks ago(?) because of personal issues, and it had been a struggle to be there for the last month or so—but—I won’t deny—it’s still the best platform to be updated on anything going on with your faves, so I put it up again! I am thinking of changing usernames but I haven’t finalized yet so maybe in the next weeks or so~
> 
> I have a few more Markbum series lined up that I am slowly working on, so I hope you’ll watch out for them! Right now, I’m thinking of finally posting the Prequel to my Mark’s Baby Boy Series, but I won’t be able to guarantee a definite timeline yet—but I’ll keep you guys updated on my Twitter account sooner or later.
> 
> I really do not have much else to say but, I just want to reiterate again and again, thank you, _thank you,_ _**thank you**_ for the love and support and I’ll see you all again soon!!!!
> 
> Hugs and kisses,
> 
> E


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark pushes Jaebeom by the door of his pick-up rather harshly—the sound of Jaebeom’s back hitting the door is a little too loud but both men didn’t pay any attention to it, their mouths are on each other’s, but Mark’s mouth is definitely more aggressive—kissing his husband with such force that made the younger’s head spin in ecstasy.
> 
> “Mark…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little surprise for you guys! This was originally meant to be included on the last chapter, but Aya and I thought that this may not be suitable to the sweet and soft ending of the previous chapter, so I decided to just post it as the Epilogue or the final, final chapter! 
> 
> This will also serve as a “Thank you” for all of you who had read this fic, pressed on the kudos / bookmark / subscription buttons, and those who took time to place comments :) This isn’t much, just something I wrote out of pure inspiration and isn’t really part of the original plot, but, everything is always possible when you think of the OTP you love the most, along with the suggestions from my beloved readers ;)
> 
> Before you all proceed, kindly take time to go over the warnings that follows, since some may not be comfortable with any of these:
> 
> Car sex, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Spit as Lube, Graphic and Hardcore Sex, PWP
> 
> To those who are comfortable with senseless smut and with the warnings above, please enjoy and let me know what you think!

 

~*~

 

 

Mark pushes Jaebeom by the door of his pick-up rather harshly—the sound of Jaebeom’s back hitting the door is a little too loud but both men didn’t pay any attention to it, their mouths are on each other’s, but Mark’s mouth is definitely more aggressive—kissing his husband with such force that made the younger’s head spin in ecstasy.

 

“Mark…”  Jaebeom groans when Mark pulls away, only to dive back in to kiss him again—more fervid and passionate this time, his husband slotting his thigh in between his so that he can grind their hips together, and Jaebeom cannot help but squeeze the juts of Mark’s hipbones, pushing him closer to bring more friction from both of their slowly growing erections.

 

“Fuck, _fuck,_ Jaebeom—just like that…”  Mark moans unabashedly, grinding his hips up aggressively, his mouth now beneath Jaebeom’s jaw, nipping and sucking and biting on his sensitive skin, and Jaebeom groans loudly when Mark does something circular with his hips, his dick now fully hard in just a few grinds of their hips.

 

With too much (like, _too much_ ) effort, Jaebeom managed to pull his enthusiastic husband away from him, which made the older pout, his arms still wrapped around his neck, his lips stained apple red from their passionate kissing, and Jaebeom had to close his eyes to stop himself from devouring those lips again.

 

“Let’s get inside,”  He says, and Mark smirks, and Jaebeom thought that he would completely pull away so that they can finally get in the backseat of his old pick up and continue where they left off—but Mark has other plans.  He pushes himself towards him and locks their lips once again, his tongue darting out immediately and the younger easily welcomes it, his husband’s expert mouth making him let out long, drawn out groans and moans as they continue to kiss languidly, his husband holding his jaw steady to keep him from running away.

 

Not that he wanted to, though.

 

Mark finally pulls away, licking his swollen bottom lip, “I’m sorry, I just can’t get enough of your mouth, Jaebeommie~”  The red head bites on the plump lip, and Jaebeom groans heavily before he slumps his head against the roof of the truck.

 

“You’re going to be the _death_ of me,” He laughs before tugging at the arms of his giggling husband, opening the door of the backseat before he gets inside, Mark following soon after.

 

There has been a flurry of movements once they’re both inside the ratty pick up and Mark had settled on Jaebeom’s lap—their hands moving to remove each other’s wet clothing, throwing them on the car floor or beside them, or at the front seat, Mark’s long, gorgeous fingers feeling every inch of Jaebeom’s wide shoulders, his neck, toned pecs, and his abs that is soft and hard at the same time, his breath hitching when he felt Jaebeom’s muscles twitch underneath his fingertips with every touch, and he feels even more desperate—his mouth wanting to get a taste of his husband that he had missed so much, his husband whom he never thought he would have the chance to be this intimate with ever again. 

 

Mark runs his tongue over his neck, followed by a scrape of his sharp teeth—his tongue soothing the pain and Jaebeom’s grunts and heavy sighs fueling his desire even more, so he continues his exploration on the younger’s body as he sinks on his knees, kissing, licking, and biting on his chest, his stomach, his faint abs, until he reaches the trail of hair that disappears under the waistband of his drenched boxers—and Mark’s mouth watered at the sight of a huge lump in the middle of it. 

 

Mark wanted to taste his husband _so bad,_ but before he can dive in to suck him through his boxers, he already felt Jaebeom’s hands grabbing his arms and guiding him to settle back on his lap and pulling him in for another kiss, and Mark feels the need radiating against Jaebeom’s mouth and body, his hand grabbing his nape while the other is around his waist to keep him as close to him as possible—their bare chest colliding and Mark’s naked cock pressed in between their stomachs, and he involuntarily squirms on his lap when the younger pushes him closer, the friction against his cock exquisite, along with the feeling of something hard below his ass, remembering how hard his husband is when he planned to suck him off just seconds ago.

 

 

Jaebeom continues to kiss Mark as if he’s going to lose him, as if Mark mouth is his only source of oxygen, that he won’t be able to _breathe_ properly if he detaches from him, his tongue and teeth possessing the entirety of Mark mouth, his plump, red, and abused lips, as well as his pink tongue that moves eagerly against his but not gaining the upper hand, and the way Mark is gripping his shoulders and bicep respectively—it shows that the older loves it just like how he loves it too.

 

After what felt like hours, but just multiple seconds, Jaebeom pulls away from Mark’s inviting mouth when Mark grinds oh-so-slowly against his already hard and leaking cock.  Mark does it again when the older sees his reaction, and Jaebeom throws his head back, his hands now holding Mark’s hips as the older man continues to expertly roll his hips that would easily make Jaebeom a groaning mess, fingers now digging heavily against the juts of Mark’s hipbones.

 

“Jaebeommie…”  Mark leans forward with his hips, the slide of Jaebeom’s clothed cock against Mark’s bare ass is igniting the already burning fire at the pit of Jaebeom’s stomach, his cock now throbbing and leaking and he needs Mark to touch him, his breaths coming out in pants when Mark’s sharp teeth grazes his earlobe before he whispers, _“Fuck me,”_ Which _almost_ made the last thread of Jaebeom’s sanity to be torn apart.

 

“Mark…”  Jaebeom grunts helplessly as his husband sneaks a hand in between them, grazing his tensed stomach before reaching the for the prize inside, palming his hard-on with his dainty hand and Jaebeom bucks his hips up by instinct, holding Mark in place as the older continues to bite and lick his sensitive ear, “I want this hard, thick cock inside me, _right now,”_

Jaebeom gulps heavily as Mark moves on his thighs so that he can pull at the waistband of his boxers, and Jaebeom lifts his hips up so that Mark can pull it down his thighs and legs, and he snarls once more when he felt his cock hit his stomach.  He’s _painfully hard,_ and being buried deep inside Mark is totally inviting right now, but no matter how much he wants that, he still needs to think of Mark’s well-being.  He can’t just push it inside him without preparation.  It’s not like they haven’t done it before, but it’s been a while, so it’s important for Mark to be well-prepped, considering that none of them may have any lube or lotion at the moment.

 

“M-Mark, wait—” Mark kisses Jaebeom aggressively as he gets a hold of Jaebeom’s member, pumping his thickness and swiping his thumb over the leaking head, collecting the precum so that he can swipe it down the base, and Jaebeom holds his wrist in an attempt to stop him, but Mark is stronger than he looks—so he continues to move his hand from base to tip, slowly, building Jaebeom up and making his cock even harder, the head releasing more and more pre-cum.

 

“Put it in me, please…”  Mark whispers against his mouth and Jaebeom breathes heavily when Mark removes his hand from his cock, bringing it towards his lips and spitting on them, before resuming on stroking Jaebeom’s erection, movements now slicker with the added lubrication.

 

“I haven’t prepped you yet, baby, let me put in my fingers fir—”

 

“No, no, no, _no!_ ”  Mark holds Jaebeom’s face with his clean hand, his other hand stopping but not leaving his cock, “I don’t want your fingers, I want your _cock_ ,” Mark presses his lips against Jaebeom’s once more, and his hole started to twitch at the thought of having Jaebeom in him, despite having sex with the younger just days ago.

 

“I need this in me, right now, please, Jaebeom…”  Mark urges, raises his hips so that he can direct Jaebeom’s member towards his already throbbing hole, but Jaebeom stops him midway, making the older whine but Jaebeom pacifies him by pressing a quick kiss on his lips, before the brunette spits on his fingers and brings them towards his hole—and Mark moans when he felt Jaebeom’s fingers coating his puckered rim with the sticky fluid.

 

“It’s been a while since we did it without lube, baby, I’m afraid you might get hurt...”  Jaebeom spits on his hand some more, and now replacing his husband’s hand on his dick, coating it with more of his saliva to make it wetter.  It’s true that they haven’t done this as often as before, especially without protection or lube, but Mark is already whining and whimpering with need, his whole body screaming at him to engulf that dick in his husband’s hand inside him and ride him until he breaks.

 

 

It may not be the most sanitary way of having sex, but Jaebeom cannot deny Mark at all.  Mark has fire behind his eyes, and Jaebeom is afraid that if he denies him after what just happened between the two of them, his husband might doubt himself again, and Jaebeom is not having that at all.

 

“Hurry up Jaebeom.”  Mark whines, hand now on his cock to stop himself from cumming even after he gets his husband’s cock inside him.  Jaebeom nods, sensing Mark’s neediness, and he leans up to kiss Mark swiftly on the mouth, before guiding Mark’s hips to direct his cock into his husband’s hole.

 

 

“Fuck,” Mark’s deep voice penetrated against Jaebeom’s skin when he managed to let the head of the younger’s cock in him.  Mark was so tight, and Jaebeom cannot help but let out a groan at the feeling of being inside his husband again.  Jaebeom stopped moving though, since he thinks that Mark needed more time to adjust due to lack of proper lubrication and prepping, but Mark has a different idea in mind.

 

“Mark,”  Jaebeom accidentally grips Mark’s hips when the older sinks his hips further into Jaebeom’s dick until it’s halfway inside him, his nails digging against the skin of Jaebeom’s broad and slightly wet shoulders, his forehead leaning against Jaebeom’s chin.  “Mark, _baby,_ do it slowly—”

 

Mark shakes his head before he mouths sloppily on Jaebeom’s neck, “No,” He groans as he takes a huge, deep breath before forcing the rest of Jaebeom’s length inside him, his ass colliding with Jaebeom’s thighs, and both men groaned loudly at the exquisite feeling coursing through their veins.  Mark can’t help but dig his teeth against the side of his husband’s neck, the sudden intrusion on his behind is painful, sure, but there is an undeniable pleasure bubbling at the pit of his stomach at the same time, and his brain is clouded with haze and lust that he just wanted this to happen as fast as possible.

 

“Mark, you’re so tight, _fuck.”_ Jaebeom grips Mark’s hips, his skin a bit cold from being wet earlier, and he moans unabashedly when Mark laves his tongue over the bite mark his sharp canines left on his slightly salty skin.  Jaebeom started massaging Mark’s hips as well as the swell of his ass while his husband continues to pepper his neck with kisses and small bites, Mark’s nails digging against the skin of his upper back.

 

“God, _Mark_.”  Jaebeom throws his head back when Mark lifts his hips up a few centimeters, before sinking back down to his dick, his hands groping Mark’s ass unconsciously.  “S-slow d-down, you haven’t adjusted y-yet, _fuck—_ ”

 

Mark smirks against Jaebeom’s cheek when he clashes his hips against his husband almost painfully, pulling his hips up until it’s just the head of his husband’s dick that’s inside him, sinking back down forcefully, before setting a steady, fast, and fervent pace, rocking his hips furiously or humping the hard dick inside him like a mad man—his hard, wet cock bouncing and slapping between their stomachs—his pre-cum smearing their wet skin.

 

“You feel so good inside me, Jaebeom…”  Mark mouths against Jaebeom’s open lips and Jaebeom was clearly taken aback by Mark’s passion and desperation, but he doesn’t want to let it show, so he returns his husband’s actions with equal fervor—running his hands all over the elder’s back, the other on his nape to keep him close to him as they swallow each other’s groans, tongue fighting for dominance whenever it meets, while he tries to drive his hips up as much as his current position allows so that he can meet his husband’s thrusts.

 

“You’re so tight, so warm, so _perfect,_ Mark,”  He tighten his fingers on Mark hair before pulling it up so their foreheads meet, making Mark whine because he was sucking on a huge hickey on the center of his husband’s pecs when he was interrupted, hips still driving madly against each other’s.  Jaebeom pushes his husband’s face towards him, kissing him fervidly, all tongue and teeth, just like how Mark wants it, before wrapping his strong arm around Mark—caging both of the elder’s arms on either side of him, removing his other hand from Mark’s hair when the older gets lost in their sloppy and hardcore kissing, before placing it on his lower back, just above his ass to restrain the older from moving his hips.  Jaebeom then adjusted a little on his seat, still kissing the daylights out of his oblivious husband, so that he can slam his hips up and hit the elder’s sweet spot.

 

“Hmmmpphhh….”  Mark mewls against Jaebeom’s mouth, tries to pull his tongue away but Jaebeom is sucking on it greedily, all the while his powerful hips are moving up and down at a frantic rate, the head of his hard cock slamming into that tender, keen spot inside Mark.

 

“F-fuck, _fuck,_ Jaebeom, just like that, oh fuuuuuck,”  Mark throws his head back, his fingers trying to grasp on something but since it’s locked by his husband’s arm around him, he cannot do anything but take what’s given to him.  He can feel his cock twitch with every pass of Jaebeom’s cock against his prostate, causing the head to leak more and more precum.

 

Jaebeom smirks against Mark’s cheek when he sees his husband’s beautiful cock getting harder and wetter as  his thrusts get harder and faster, the old, huge pick up creaking loudly with the force of his thrusts, and he pulls away to drink in Mark’s absolutely wrecked face.

 

_So fucking beautiful._

Mark’s mouth is slightly agape, head thrown back like it’s weightless, his gorgeous neck laid out for him, his Adam’s apple bobbing and veins popping out, and sweat are glistening against his alabaster skin, and Jaebeom can’t help but lick a long, hard stripe against his neck and Mark cries out loud, the extra sensation of Jaebeom’s tongue against his skin, along with his thick cock still pounding his sweet spot, the arms around him that rendering him motionless, he can feel the heat gathering at the bottom of his stomach, hurling and curling into a huge ball and he knows that it’s going to be so, _so intense,_ he only hopes that he would manage to stay conscious once this is all done.

 

“J-Jae-Jaebeom—”  Mark lifts his head and bites his lower lip when Jaebeom lets go of his lower back to grasp his rock hard dick, “Fuck, p-please… I’m c-close— so-so close—” He stutters when Jaebeom pumps his member in sync with his thrusts, and Jaebeom’s breathing is starting to get staggered and heavy, and Mark knows he is close as well.

 

“Let go, baby,”  Jaebeom releases his tight hold against Mark so that the older can wrap his arms around his neck, their foreheads pressed against each other’s, and their hot groans, moans, and bated breaths mixing into one, solemn noise.

 

“J-Jae-Jaebeommie, I’m—c-comi—”  Mark was unable to finish what he was saying when a huge wave of pleasure suddenly hit him, forcing his head to fall against Jaebeom’s strong shoulder, his lanky arms tightening around Jaebeom’s neck, his body going rigid for a second, before it happens.

 

“ _Fuuuuuck_ ,” A scream rips out of the redhead’s throat—loud, continuous, and Jaebeom felt his husband’s entire body shaking heavily against his own, and, soon after, the elder’s cum began spurting out of the slit of his dick, coating his hand and both of their stomach and chest as he continues to fuck him through his orgasm, his hand still moving to ride out his husband’s high.

 

Mark is already crying in pure, adulterated pleasure and pain—but he is still orgasming, and his husband is still thrusting into him, and he doesn’t want him to stop, he didn’t even realize that his nails are already digging so, so hard against his husband’s shoulders because of how powerful his orgasm is, and he’s sure that it had been a long, long time since he last experienced this.

 

“Mark,” Jaebeom lets out a groan, and Mark feels his husband’s hard cock twitching heavily inside him, as the younger continues to fuck him through the haze of his peak, and Mark isn’t recovered yet, but he was conscious enough to tighten his walls when Jaebeom slams back into him, sucking him in tightly, until he hears Jaebeom’s low, heavy, and guttural groan against his neck, and his insides are being filled with Jaebeom’s cum—sticky, hot, and generous in amount—as they both move together to ride out both of their intense highs, their bodies sticking together because of their sweat, along with Mark cum that’s in between their bodies.

 

Mark and Jaebeom didn’t know how long they have been in that position, the air surrounding them inside Mark’s old pick up smells like heavy sex, with a mixture of the sea since they opened the windows a little to let some air inside, as well as the faint smell of both the perfumes in their bodies.

 

Jaebeom was first to lift his head from Mark’s neck, adjusting his position so that he’s sitting on the backseat with his back rested fully against it, and the movement caused Mark to hiss, since the softening dick inside him moved as well and he’s still very sensitive.

 

“Sorry,”  Jaebeom kisses the side of his head, before he lifts the elder’s hips slowly, his cock slipping out of the drenched hole with a loud squelch, and Jaebeom cannot help but whine when he sees some of his cum dripping out of Mark’s rim—drenching his thighs and the car seat beneath them.

 

“Hmp…”  Mark groans when Jaebeom rubs the pad of his middle and index fingers on his rim, playing with his own cum on his fucked-out hole—his husband nuzzling the side of his hair before kissing his temple.

 

“Your ass looks so good filled with my cum...”  Jaebeom murmurs against his ear and Mark cannot help but chuckle at his husband’s words.

 

“What’s so funny?”  Jaebeom asks and he meets Mark’s smiling, yet tired face.

 

“Nothing—”  Mark cups his husband’s face between his hands, before kissing his lips chastely, “I’m just so happy that you are here…”  He rubs his nose against the younger’s, and Jaebeom laughs lightly, his chest feeling warm and light at his husband’s statement.

 

“I’m so happy too, Mark, you have no idea…”  Jaebeom hugs Mark again, “I never knew that you’ll accept me again,” Jaebeom kisses Mark’s head and the redhead just hugs the younger tighter before smiling against Jaebeom’s neck, silently telling him that he doesn’t need to worry about him anymore, and his smile grew wider when Jaebeom engulfed him completely.

 

A blanket of exhaustion started covering Mark and he thinks that he can sleep just like this, him attached to his husband like an iron towards a magnet, his arms and legs now rounding the brunette’s larger form.

 

“Tired?”  Jaebeom’s voice is deeper yet a little scratched, and Mark nods, his throat scorched with how much he had screamed and cried of pleasure (and pain) that day.  He felt Jaebeom’s lips on his head and his large hand massaging his back.

 

“Let’s clean up a little, and I’ll let you sleep?”  Jaebeom asks and Mark nods, but he doesn’t move from his current position.  Jaebeom chuckles, blindly searching for his wet shirt next to him before he nudges his husband to move a little so that he can clean him up.

 

Mark keeps his legs attached to Jaebeom’s back as he leans back so that Jaebeom can wipe the cum off of his chest and stomach, before Jaebeom cleans his own, he bites his lower lip when Jaebeom cleans his backside with some tissues that he handed him when he remembers there is one saved at the small cabin in front of the passenger seat.

 

“Can I sleep now?”  Mark pouts as Jaebeom puts his soiled shirt and the dirty tissues next to him.

 

“Do you really want to sleep like this?  I can take you home?  Or we can stay at the hotel that I booked?”

 

“You booked a hotel?”  Mark looks at his husband in shock, because why would he book a hotel when— _oh._ He almost forgot the reason why his husband is there with him in the first place.  When Mark didn’t speak, Jaebeom holds his hand and presses a quick kiss on the inside of his wrist.

 

“You remember now?”  He kisses his hand again and Mark pouts, but drops his whole body against his husband once again, kissing the purple and red marks he had left on his husband’s tanned skin, his way of saying sorry for leaving them, but also not so much.  Jaebeom just chuckled, rounding his arms around Mark’s body, kissing his head.

 

“I can’t believe I almost lost you there, Mark…”  Jaebeom kisses his cheek and Mark huffs in disagreement.

 

“I wasn’t drowning, I was awake when you took me out of the water, don’t be so dramatic.”  He scoffs before hugging Jaebeom again, and the younger just snorts because his snarky husband is back.

 

“Alright…”  He sing-songs and Mark slaps his chest, biting on his neck a little and Jaebeom coos at him.

 

“What did I say?”  Mark pulls away to look at Jaebeom in the eyes by holding his face.

 

“That’s what you get from hurting me!”  He squishes Jaebeom’s cheeks before stretching them as far as he can, and Jaebeom wants to protest, but he can’t.  “Remember what I said earlier?  You don’t want your skinless body floating against the ocean, right?”  Mark kisses both of his cheeks with a grin on his face and Jaebeom laughs heartily.

 

“Yes, yes, _sir._ ”  Jaebeom just holds him again, and Mark feels so, so warm, despite being naked inside his old pick up as he settles on Jaebeom’s body once again, closing his eyes as he leans his cheek against the younger’s shoulder, post-sex tiredness dawning on him slowly.

 

“Sleepy?”  Jaebeom asks again, and Mark just nods, exhaustion already sinking in his bones heavily.  Jaebeom reaches for the hoodie that’s placed at the back of the driver’s seat, before covering his husband’s back with it to protect him from the possible cold now that the sun is completely gone, darkness now surrounding them apart from the small light from the inside of the pick-up that’s half-busted.

 

“Go to sleep, my love, I’ll wake you up in a few so we can get going.”  Jaebeom says, kissing Mark’s head once again and Mark sinks in deeper in Jaebeom’s body—his heart and mind totally relaxed and satisfied, and Jaebeom’s embrace comforting him and he realizes that he doesn’t need anything else but him at the moment.

 

In Jaebeom’s arms, he is content.

 

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! I guess this is it! The real ending :D I enjoy writing smut in general so I felt like the ending felt a little lacking, but I think it’s just my mind being filthy that I need to see some sex scenes for these two after all that they’d been through! I hope you enjoyed reading this short chapter like how I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> I will be back soon with a new series, though I am not sure which one to post (since I have tons of unfinished ones sitting in my drafts lol), but once I had decided, will surely post it and will try not to make you wait for a long time haha
> 
> So long and see you all again soon~

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my Markbum buddies Gigi, Aya, and Penny. Y'all made me accomplish this fic smoothly!!
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on Twitter @ygstan_ahgase if you wanna yell at me or smth heheheehhehehe


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